Erectile dysfunction?
Hello Doctor: After an argument in November, my husband has been unable to achieve an erection.
Although we have reconciled, he now has no sensation at all.
Previously, he could be aroused at any time, but now, whether during the day, in the morning, or even while watching adult films together, he remains flaccid and feels nothing.
This has left him very discouraged, but he is unwilling (or afraid) to go to the hospital.
What can I do to help him? Looking forward to happiness, Rin.
rin, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/12/13
Dr. Xu Weikai reply Urology
Rin: Hello, I think your husband is around 35 years old.
Theoretically, at this age, he should be at his peak in terms of experience and physical ability regarding sexual activity, and there shouldn't be any issues in this area.
The most likely scenario is that it could be psychologically influenced.
Perhaps you two rarely argue, or the last argument was too intense, leading to some changes in how you feel about each other.
On the surface, it may seem like everything is back to normal, but there might still be some unresolved feelings.
For issues like this, I recommend consulting a psychologist (in the fields of psychosomatic medicine or psychiatry) for comprehensive psychological support.
If he is unwilling to go, then it may fall on you to take a more proactive role in your sexual life, actively stimulating his desires, and the sooner, the better.
If this is prolonged, it could lead to doubts about his sexual abilities, making it even harder to address.
Additionally, you might consider incorporating some relaxing foods or beverages, such as alcoholic drinks.
According to statistics, about 50-60% of women find it easier to reach orgasm, while 20-40% of men feel that achieving and maintaining an erection is easier.
You could give it a try; of course, moderation is key—getting drunk is not a solution! Good luck, and best wishes from the Taitung Hospital of the Department of Health, Executive Yuan, Urology Department, Director Hsu Wei-Kai.
Reply Date: 2004/12/13
More Info
Dear Rin,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your husband's erectile dysfunction (ED). It's understandable that this situation can be distressing for both of you, especially given the emotional context surrounding its onset. Supporting a partner dealing with ED requires sensitivity, understanding, and a proactive approach to encourage them to seek help.
Understanding Erectile Dysfunction:
Erectile dysfunction is a common issue that can affect men of all ages, but it is particularly prevalent among older men. It can stem from various causes, including psychological factors such as stress, anxiety, or depression, as well as physical factors like hormonal imbalances, cardiovascular issues, or diabetes. In your husband's case, the onset following a conflict suggests that psychological factors may play a significant role. Stress and emotional turmoil can significantly impact sexual function, leading to a cycle of anxiety that exacerbates the problem.
How to Support Your Partner:
1. Open Communication:
Start by fostering an open and non-judgmental dialogue about his feelings and experiences. Let him know that you are there to support him and that you understand this is a sensitive topic. Encourage him to express his emotions, fears, and frustrations without the fear of being judged. This can help alleviate some of the psychological stress associated with ED.
2. Reassurance:
Reassure him that erectile dysfunction is a common issue and that many men experience it at some point in their lives. Emphasize that it does not diminish his worth or your feelings for him. Let him know that you are committed to working through this together.
3. Encourage Professional Help:
While it may be challenging to convince him to seek medical help, gently encourage him to consider it. You might suggest that he sees a healthcare professional not just for ED but for overall health and well-being. Frame it as a way to improve his quality of life rather than focusing solely on the sexual aspect. You could also offer to accompany him to the appointment for moral support.
4. Explore Alternatives Together:
While waiting for him to seek professional help, explore other ways to maintain intimacy. This could include non-sexual forms of affection, such as cuddling, kissing, or simply spending quality time together. This can help reduce performance pressure and reinforce emotional closeness.
5. Educate Yourselves:
Consider researching erectile dysfunction together. Understanding the condition can help demystify it and reduce anxiety. There are many resources available, including books, articles, and reputable websites that provide information about ED, its causes, and treatment options.
6. Be Patient:
Recovery from erectile dysfunction can take time, especially if it is rooted in psychological factors. Be patient with him and with yourself. Celebrate small victories and progress, and avoid placing undue pressure on him to perform.
7. Consider Counseling:
If the emotional strain continues, consider couples counseling. A therapist can help both of you navigate this challenging time, improve communication, and address any underlying issues that may be contributing to the situation.
Conclusion:
Erectile dysfunction can be a complex issue, but with your support and understanding, your husband can take steps toward recovery. Encourage him to seek professional help, and be there for him as a loving partner. Remember, intimacy is not solely defined by sexual performance; it encompasses emotional connection, trust, and mutual support. By focusing on these aspects, you can strengthen your relationship and navigate this challenge together.
Wishing you both the best on this journey toward healing and intimacy.
Warm regards,
Doctor Q&A Teams
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