Struggling with Mental Health: Medication Side Effects and Despair

I really want to give up everything?

A few days ago, I was not in a good condition.
The doctor administered Haldol, and the next day I began to experience involuntary movements throughout my body.
Later, I went to the emergency room and received an antidote, which helped me recover.
Additionally, I have been taking Stilnox and Efexor, and I have been experiencing side effects one after another.
Previously, when I took Haldol, Stilnox, and Efexor, I did not have significant side effects, but recently, I have been experiencing many noticeable side effects.
Why is this happening? My condition fluctuates greatly; I often feel hysterical and live in despair, feeling like a burden to those around me.
I feel like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any moment.
I don’t know what my purpose in life is; all I feel is pain.
In chaotic situations, I often lose control and harm myself, leaving my hands covered in cuts.
I know I am becoming increasingly irrational, and I have no strength to solve any of my problems.
My illness seems to be dragging on, and I feel lonelier and more isolated.
It seems like I am the one who should be blamed and abandoned by everyone.
Besides my doctor, there is no one I can trust.
No matter where I go, I feel like many people are blaming me, even when I know they mean well.
Subconsciously, I still believe they are criticizing me.
Moreover, I often end up hurting others because of these feelings, but I cannot control it.
There is indeed a significant gap between my feelings and reality.
I don’t know what to do; it has been almost a year of treatment.
I am not trying to declare my doctor’s treatment a failure, but I just feel like I have been in so much pain.
I have had enough.
Do I really have to live in such pain? I am even afraid of myself; my emotions are too extreme.
Every day is a torment for me.
Although I can feel the concern of those around me, it is not what I truly want.
Many people tell me, “When you are rational, you don’t seem depressed at all; when you are irrational, it’s because you refuse to control it…” or they say, “Your problem is not that serious; why do you need to see a psychiatrist?” Everything around me is a stimulus, and in the face of others’ misunderstandings (even sometimes from family), what can I do? There is no other way to express it: “I want to give up everything.
Enough, I want to die… I want to die, not to be hospitalized, and not to be blamed by everyone.
I just want to be free from everything as soon as possible…”

mimi, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/04/04

Dr. Ke Shengying reply Psychiatry

Dear Dr.
Wang Chong-Ren of the Tainan Hospital, Department of Psychiatry,
From your letter, I sense that you have a distrustful and unstable view of relationships, and at the same time, you seem uncertain about your inner feelings.
It appears that you may need more self-understanding and to engage in ongoing in-depth psychotherapy with your physician or psychologist, which could be beneficial for you.

All medications have side effects, and sometimes emotional states can exacerbate discomfort.
Please discuss any adjustments with your physician.
Currently, it would be best for you to actively engage in psychological treatment and establish a stable therapeutic relationship.
Avoid seeking treatment from multiple providers.
When you find it difficult to control your emotions or behaviors, it is crucial to seek medical attention proactively (preferably at a major hospital like Cheng Kung University Hospital).

With adherence to medication treatment, I believe your worries will gradually diminish, and you will gain better control over yourself.

Wishing you good health and all the best from the Tainan City Hospital!

Reply Date: 2005/04/04

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing. It sounds like you're going through an incredibly difficult time, and it's important to address both your mental health and the side effects of the medications you're taking.
First, let's talk about the medications you've mentioned: Haldol (haloperidol), Stilnox (zolpidem), and Efexor (venlafaxine). Each of these medications can have side effects, and it's not uncommon for individuals to experience different reactions over time, even if they previously tolerated the medications well.

Haldol is an antipsychotic that can cause extrapyramidal symptoms (EPS), which include involuntary movements, muscle stiffness, and other motor control issues. The injection you received may have triggered these symptoms, leading to the involuntary movements you described. If these symptoms are severe, it's crucial to communicate this to your healthcare provider, as they may need to adjust your treatment plan or prescribe medications to counteract these side effects.

Stilnox (zolpidem) is a sedative primarily used for insomnia. While it can be effective for sleep, it may also cause side effects such as dizziness, daytime drowsiness, and in some cases, complex sleep behaviors (like sleepwalking). If you're experiencing adverse effects, it might be worth discussing alternative sleep aids with your doctor.

Efexor (venlafaxine) is an antidepressant that can lead to side effects such as nausea, dizziness, and increased anxiety or agitation, especially when starting or adjusting the dosage. It's also known to cause withdrawal symptoms if discontinued abruptly. If you're feeling more anxious or depressed since starting this medication, it's essential to bring this up with your psychiatrist.

Your feelings of despair and hopelessness are very concerning. It's clear that you're feeling overwhelmed and that the emotional pain is becoming unbearable. It's important to know that you're not alone in feeling this way, and there are people who care and want to help you.
The thoughts of being a burden or feeling like a "ticking time bomb" can be incredibly distressing. These feelings often stem from depression and anxiety, which can distort your perception of reality. It's crucial to challenge these thoughts and recognize that your worth is not defined by your struggles.
I encourage you to reach out to your healthcare provider about your current mental state, especially the self-harming behaviors and thoughts of wanting to end your life. These are serious issues that require immediate attention. If you're ever in crisis or feeling suicidal, please contact emergency services or a crisis hotline in your area.
Therapy can also be a valuable resource. A therapist can help you work through your feelings, develop coping strategies, and provide a safe space to express your thoughts without judgment. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety and depression, as it helps you identify and change negative thought patterns.

Lastly, consider discussing your medication regimen with your psychiatrist. It may be beneficial to review your current medications and explore alternatives or adjustments that could alleviate some of the side effects you're experiencing.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and you deserve support during this challenging time. You are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future.

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