My Emotional Struggles: Seeking Help for Relationship Issues

I'm sorry, but I cannot provide a diagnosis or medical advice. It's important to consult a healthcare professional for an accurate assessment of your condition?

Hello, Dr.
Tang: I cannot tolerate the tone and expressions my girlfriend uses during arguments; I often feel that she looks down on me, which leads to violent behavior.
I repeatedly forgive her and make mistakes, and I cannot stand her having a close relationship with other male friends.
Even though I know there is nothing going on, I still have doubts and find reasons to criticize.
I care deeply about her feelings and fear that I am not providing perfect care, which often leads to emotional turmoil due to the gap between my expectations and reality, resulting in uncontrollable behaviors and actions.
I have previously seen a psychologist and attended external counseling, but I did not receive substantial help.
Could you please advise me on what kind of condition I might have and whether I should see a doctor or continue with counseling? I would appreciate your guidance and assistance.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.

angus, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/04/17

Dr. Tang Xinbei reply Psychiatry

Dear friend,
I apologize! Based solely on your description, I cannot determine whether your "deviant behavior" is indicative of a specific mental disorder in clinical medicine.
However, it seems that you are aware of the vicious cycle between your behaviors and emotional distress, yet you find yourself unable to exercise self-control and keep repeating it.
Personally, I believe that most human behaviors are meaningful, stemming from choices and learned experiences.
The distress arising from your interactions with your girlfriend appears to be rooted in your "relationship." This relationship may originate from both your and your girlfriend's early experiences and learning, creating a cyclical pattern based on your past interactions that locks your relationship in place.
Although you have attempted to seek improvement through psychological counseling, it seems you have not achieved the desired results.
However, I cannot understand the methods, content, or duration of the counseling you received.
Change does not occur solely within the counseling room; counseling is a process of understanding and clarification that helps you organize your thoughts, find motivation and direction for change, and learn the skills necessary for transformation.
It requires you to return to the real world and repeatedly practice new behaviors until they become new habits (or cycles), thereby breaking and replacing past erroneous habits (or cycles).
As for whether to continue with psychological counseling, I cannot provide you with a definitive recommendation; that is ultimately your choice.
However, if you find yourself repeatedly caught in the current negative spiral with your girlfriend, you might also consider seeking "couples counseling."
Wishing you peace, joy, and all the best!

Reply Date: 2005/04/17

More Info

Hello, thank you for reaching out and sharing your emotional struggles regarding your relationship. It sounds like you are experiencing significant distress related to your girlfriend's behavior, your feelings of inadequacy, and your reactions during conflicts. These feelings can be quite overwhelming, and it's commendable that you are seeking help and trying to understand your situation better.

From what you've described, it seems that you may be dealing with a combination of anxiety, insecurity, and possibly elements of emotional dysregulation. The feelings of being looked down upon during arguments, coupled with your violent impulses, suggest that there may be underlying issues related to self-esteem and emotional control. Additionally, your jealousy regarding your girlfriend's interactions with other men indicates a struggle with trust and possibly attachment issues.

It's important to recognize that these feelings and behaviors can be indicative of deeper psychological concerns. While I cannot diagnose you without a thorough evaluation, the patterns you've described—such as the cycle of forgiveness and repeated mistakes, as well as the intense emotional responses to perceived slights—could be associated with conditions like anxiety disorders, depression, or even traits of borderline personality disorder. However, only a qualified mental health professional can provide a proper diagnosis.

Given that you have previously sought therapy but did not find it helpful, I would recommend a few steps:
1. Reassess Your Therapy Options: Not all therapists or counseling approaches work for everyone. It might be beneficial to seek a different therapist or a different therapeutic approach. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) could be particularly useful for addressing emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness.

2. Communicate Openly with Your Partner: It’s crucial to have open and honest communication with your girlfriend about your feelings. Expressing your concerns without blaming her can help foster understanding and may alleviate some of the tension in your relationship. Use "I" statements to express how her actions affect you, rather than making accusations.

3. Develop Coping Strategies: Work on developing healthier coping mechanisms for your emotions. This could include mindfulness practices, journaling, or engaging in physical activities that help release pent-up energy and frustration. Learning to pause and reflect before reacting can also be beneficial.

4. Explore Underlying Issues: Consider exploring any past experiences that may contribute to your current feelings and behaviors. Sometimes, unresolved issues from childhood or previous relationships can manifest in current dynamics.

5. Seek Support Groups: Sometimes, talking to others who are experiencing similar issues can provide comfort and insight. Look for support groups focused on relationship issues or emotional regulation.

6. Consider Medication: If your emotional struggles are significantly impacting your daily life, it may be worth discussing medication options with a psychiatrist. Medication can sometimes help stabilize mood and reduce anxiety, making it easier to engage in therapy effectively.

In conclusion, it’s essential to take your feelings seriously and seek the appropriate help. Relationships can be challenging, and it’s okay to ask for support as you navigate these emotional waters. Remember, change takes time, and being patient with yourself as you work through these issues is crucial. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find the support you need to move forward positively.

Similar Q&A

Understanding Emotional Challenges and Seeking Mental Health Support

Hello, doctor. First of all, thank you very much for reading this article. My parents divorced when I was in the second grade of elementary school. According to my father, my personality changed significantly during that time, to the extent that even my homeroom teacher asked him...

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello: Emotions are related to past events, current environmental stressors, and one's coping abilities. While we cannot change the past, we can alter our perspective on those events and their impact on us. Although there have been struggles in the past, it is important to a...

Should I Seek Help? Navigating Mental Health Challenges

Hello, I have been troubled by interpersonal relationships for a long time. I had a falling out with a group of former friends from my class about a year and a half ago. I saw a doctor back then, but I stopped going on my own. Later, I got a boyfriend and focused all my attention...

Dr. Wang Chongren reply Psychiatry
Dear [Recipient's Name], This is Dr. Wang Chong-Ren from the Psychiatric Department of Tainan Hospital, Ministry of Health and Welfare. I am writing in response to your recent letter regarding your emotional fluctuations and interpersonal relationships, which are indeed con...

Understanding Emotional Turmoil: Seeking Help for Mental Health Struggles

Hello, doctor. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years. During the first year, I accidentally got pregnant, but my parents, concerned about my young age, did not want me to have the baby. I can accept this reason, but to this day, I often think abou...

Dr. Zhang Jiafen reply Psychiatry
Hello, I can sense from your letter that your emotional ups and downs have reached a level that is hard for you to bear. You must have gone through a lot of hardships over the past few years. It is natural to shed tears when faced with difficult situations; however, there are lik...

Struggling with Love: Coping with Emotional Pain and Self-Doubt

I'm deeply in love with a man, but being with him is so painful that I can't seem to walk away. I really can't leave him; I become easily sad and cry often. My emotions fluctuate greatly, and I cry so intensely that I even have thoughts of wanting to die. The press...

Dr. Chen Wenke reply Psychiatry
Hello, Xiao Fen. Matters of the heart can sometimes drive people crazy. The crux of the problem often lies in inappropriate stubbornness. It is actually necessary to moderately allow yourself to escape such torment. If you find yourself stuck, it may be wise to seek professional ...