Emotional Turmoil: Seeking Help for Mental Health Struggles

Am I sick?

Hello, doctor.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years.
During the first year, I accidentally got pregnant, but my parents, concerned about my young age, did not want me to have the baby.
I can accept this reason, but to this day, I often think about it and feel sorry and guilty.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder why they didn't let me have the baby.
My boyfriend has a temper that fluctuates; when he is in a good mood, I feel good, but when he is angry, I also become upset.
His mood changes quickly, and you never know how he will feel in the next moment.
When he is angry, he will block me on the phone or turn it off, making it hard for me to reach him.
Even if I can't get through, my hands uncontrollably keep dialing.
Over these three years, he has cheated on me, which often makes me feel insecure.
When I can't find him or he doesn't answer his phone, I become anxious, and that only makes him angrier, telling me that my lack of security is my own problem and that I can't blame anyone else.
Recently, I've noticed that my emotions are very unstable; I can go from laughing to crying in an instant, to the point where I feel like I have a split personality.
It's terrifying.
I often present differently in front of others.
I admit that I am a crybaby; I cry when I'm sad or happy, but the people around me, including my parents and boyfriend, as well as his family, scold me and criticize me for crying.
They wonder why I keep crying.
I know that crying doesn't solve problems, but the tears just come.
What can I do? Now, whenever I argue with my boyfriend and feel angry or sad, I find myself hitting my own face or hurting my body.
I feel like I have changed so much; I wasn't like this before, and it is very painful.
Could you please tell me what I should do to face this version of myself? Thank you.

Bebe, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/11/16

Dr. Zhang Jiafen reply Psychiatry

Hello, I can sense from your letter that your emotional ups and downs have reached a level that is hard for you to bear.
You must have gone through a lot of hardships over the past few years.
It is natural to shed tears when faced with difficult situations; however, there are likely better ways to manage stress beyond just crying.
This process may require the support and companionship of others.
I believe your family loves you, but perhaps their way of showing concern may not be suitable for you.
I suggest seeking help from a professional in mental health services.
Wishing you a swift return to a joyful and carefree state of mind.

Reply Date: 2012/11/16

More Info

It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Your feelings of guilt and sadness regarding your past pregnancy, coupled with the emotional turmoil in your current relationship, are understandably overwhelming. It’s important to recognize that you are not alone in feeling this way, and seeking help is a crucial step toward healing.

From your description, it seems that you are experiencing significant emotional instability, which can manifest as mood swings, feelings of guilt, and self-harm behaviors. These symptoms can be indicative of underlying mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression, which can be exacerbated by your relationship dynamics and past experiences. The emotional rollercoaster you describe, where your mood fluctuates based on your boyfriend's behavior, suggests a lack of emotional stability and possibly codependency. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration, especially when you feel your emotions are out of your control.

The guilt you feel about your past pregnancy is also a common experience. Many individuals struggle with feelings of regret or sorrow over decisions made in difficult circumstances. It’s essential to allow yourself to process these feelings without judgment. Talking to a mental health professional can provide you with a safe space to explore these emotions and develop coping strategies.

Your boyfriend's unpredictable behavior and the way it affects your emotional state can create a toxic cycle. When he is angry or distant, it can trigger your insecurities and fears, leading to anxiety and distress. It’s crucial to establish boundaries in your relationship and communicate openly about how his actions impact your mental health. If he is unwilling to engage in constructive conversations or seek help together, it may be necessary to evaluate the health of the relationship and consider whether it is serving your well-being.

Self-harm is a serious concern, and I encourage you to seek immediate help if you find yourself resorting to these behaviors. There are healthier ways to cope with emotional pain, such as engaging in physical activity, practicing mindfulness, or expressing your feelings through art or writing. Journaling can be particularly beneficial, as it allows you to articulate your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

Additionally, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in emotional regulation and relationship dynamics. They can help you develop skills to manage your emotions more effectively and provide support as you navigate your feelings of guilt and sadness. Therapy can also offer you tools to build self-esteem and establish healthier relationship patterns.

In the meantime, practice self-compassion. It’s okay to cry and express your emotions; they are valid and deserve acknowledgment. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who understand your struggles and can provide encouragement. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

Ultimately, prioritizing your mental health is essential. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and emotionally stable. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and I encourage you to take that step for yourself.

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