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I have been married for over ten years, and three years ago, I started experiencing a choking sensation during intercourse, which has become increasingly severe.
Even physical touch can trigger this choking feeling, especially when there is a hard lump on the left side of my abdomen that causes pain.
I don't want to disappoint my husband, so I try to cooperate, but this only seems to worsen the choking sensation.
My husband believes that my reaction is due to psychological factors, and I have been trying to calm myself mentally, but it doesn't seem to help.
Now, I am also experiencing nausea, although I usually don't vomit anything substantial; I just feel very uncomfortable.
What should I do? Thank you! P.S.: Our relationship is good.
Xiao Ai, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/06/20
Dr. Chen Mingzhe reply Psychiatry
Dear Xiao Ai: The issues you are experiencing, which began over ten years after your marriage, are indeed uncommon.
Let me help you recall if there were any significant stress events three years ago that caused you considerable distress, particularly related to matters involving the opposite sex, romantic relationships, infidelity, or one-night stands.
Additionally, any rumors, videos, fantasies, or experiences regarding sexual activities (such as having intercourse without bathing or experiencing unpleasant odors during sex) could have disrupted the beautiful experience and gentle atmosphere of intimacy.
This may have led to what is known as sexual conversion reaction, which involves physical discomfort or specific bodily responses triggered before or after sexual activity, similar to vaginal spasms and pain during intercourse.
To address and alleviate your symptoms, while anxiety or depression medications may help reduce severity, it is more crucial to identify the root cause and engage in cognitive behavioral therapy to facilitate meaningful change.
OK!
Reply Date: 2005/06/20
More Info
Understanding and addressing sexual discomfort in long-term relationships can be a complex issue, especially when physical symptoms manifest alongside emotional and psychological factors. Your situation, where you experience discomfort during intimacy, including pain and a sense of nausea, is not uncommon, but it does warrant careful attention and a multi-faceted approach to resolution.
Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge that sexual discomfort can arise from various sources, including physical, psychological, and relational factors. In your case, the physical symptom of pain in the left side of your abdomen during sexual activity could indicate an underlying medical condition that needs to be evaluated by a healthcare professional. Conditions such as ovarian cysts, endometriosis, or other gynecological issues can cause pain during intercourse and should be ruled out through a thorough examination by a gynecologist.
The psychological aspect of your discomfort is equally important. It’s not unusual for individuals to experience anxiety or apprehension about sexual intimacy, especially if there has been a history of discomfort or pain. This anxiety can create a cycle where the fear of pain leads to increased tension and discomfort, which in turn exacerbates the fear. It’s crucial to address these feelings openly, both with yourself and with your partner. Communication is key in any relationship, and discussing your feelings and experiences with your husband can help him understand your situation better and provide the support you need.
In addition to open communication, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual health or relationship issues. Therapy can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings, fears, and any underlying issues that may be contributing to your discomfort. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective in addressing anxiety and can help you develop coping strategies to manage your feelings during intimate moments.
Furthermore, engaging in relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or deep-breathing exercises can help reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm. These practices can be beneficial not only in the context of intimacy but also in your overall emotional well-being.
It’s also worth exploring the physical aspects of intimacy. Sometimes, changing the approach to sexual activity can alleviate discomfort. This might include experimenting with different positions, ensuring adequate foreplay, or using lubrication to enhance comfort. Listening to your body and communicating with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t is vital.
Lastly, if the nausea you experience during intimacy persists, it’s essential to consult with a healthcare provider. While it may be linked to anxiety, it could also be a sign of a physical issue that needs to be addressed. A comprehensive evaluation can help identify any medical concerns and provide you with the necessary treatment options.
In summary, addressing sexual discomfort in a long-term relationship involves a combination of medical evaluation, open communication with your partner, psychological support, and practical adjustments to your intimate life. By taking these steps, you can work towards a more comfortable and fulfilling sexual relationship. Remember, you are not alone in this, and seeking help is a positive step towards resolution.
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