Am I Experiencing Symptoms of Depression? Emotional Struggles

Does this indicate a tendency towards depression?

Hello, doctor.
In the past six months, my emotional fluctuations have increased significantly.
Sometimes, I find myself blank-minded and suddenly start crying for no reason, feeling sad.
At night, I occasionally become so restless that I can't sleep, tossing and turning until I'm completely exhausted and finally fall asleep naturally.
However, after just a few hours, I wake up again.
I'm becoming increasingly apathetic towards things I used to be interested in; when others ask for my opinions, I feel indifferent.
I keep convincing myself that it must be due to the pressure of exams (this is my first time preparing for the teacher qualification exam), which is why I'm feeling more irritable.
I often tell myself and my friends that I'm an overly optimistic person and that it's rare for me to experience depression.
I remind myself not to care about the results, as the current exams are not solely about ability.
For a while, I was able to manage my emotions this way.

However, as the exam approaches, my family's excessive inquiries, expectations, and attitudes—especially the statement "You must pass this year"—have significantly increased my stress.
Often, when my dad starts to speak, my defense mechanisms kick in, and I feel increasingly uncomfortable and irritable.
I have directly told my dad that if he continues this way, he will drive me crazy, but he believes he is just showing concern and thinks that I am not trying hard enough, as capable people pass the exam.
I really don't know how to communicate with him.
In fact, I have a more relaxed attitude towards the exam and have started looking into other jobs that interest me.
However, my dad's inability to let go has caused me immense mental pressure.

Especially today, when I received the report card from Taipei City, my dad saw the results first since I was at work.
When I returned home, he threw out the comment, "I don't know what you're preparing for!" coupled with his expression and tone, made me feel like all my previous efforts were completely erased in those few seconds! Upon seeing the report card, I immediately called a classmate, and within moments, I burst into tears.
My classmate was taken aback and nervously comforted me because they had never seen me lose control like this; they always see me as a happy person.

At this point, I really don't know whether to blame myself for not being capable enough or to blame my dad for having unrealistic expectations and a lack of understanding of reality.
In the past two weeks, I've increasingly felt that if I were like my younger brother, who doesn't study and just finishes vocational school to work, that would be so much better!

mina, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/06/24

Dr. Lin Yanhong reply Psychiatry

Hello Mina, I am a medical consultation service representative from the "Taiwan e-Hospital" website.
Since Dr.
Lin Yan-Hong from our hospital has left, he is unable to answer your related questions.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Reply Date: 2005/06/24

More Info

It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. From what you've described, it appears that you may be experiencing symptoms commonly associated with depression. These can include significant mood swings, feelings of sadness without clear reasons, difficulty sleeping, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, and overwhelming pressure from external expectations, particularly from family.

Depression is a complex mental health condition that can manifest in various ways, and it often stems from a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. Your situation seems to be compounded by the stress of preparing for exams, familial expectations, and perhaps a lack of understanding from those around you. It's important to recognize that feeling overwhelmed and emotional is a valid response to the pressures you are facing.

The symptoms you mentioned, such as crying without a clear reason, feeling restless at night, and losing interest in previously enjoyable activities, are significant indicators that you may be struggling with depression. The fact that you are also feeling pressured by your father's expectations can exacerbate these feelings. It's not uncommon for individuals to feel trapped between their own aspirations and the expectations imposed by family members, leading to increased anxiety and emotional distress.

Here are some steps you can consider taking to address your emotional struggles:
1. Seek Professional Help: It may be beneficial to consult with a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can provide a proper assessment and help you understand your feelings better. Therapy can be a safe space to explore your emotions and develop coping strategies.

2. Open Communication: If you feel comfortable, try to communicate your feelings to your father. Expressing how his comments affect you might help him understand your perspective better. You could say something like, "I appreciate your concern, but the pressure is making it harder for me to focus on my studies."
3. Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being. This could include exercise, mindfulness practices, or hobbies that you enjoy. Even small acts of self-care can make a significant difference in your mood.

4. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your study goals into manageable tasks. This can help reduce feelings of being overwhelmed and allow you to celebrate small achievements along the way.

5. Connect with Supportive Friends: Lean on your friends for support. Sharing your feelings with someone who understands can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.

6. Limit Comparisons: Try to avoid comparing yourself to others, including your brother. Everyone has their own path, and it's essential to focus on your journey rather than someone else's.

7. Consider Medication: If your symptoms persist and significantly impact your daily life, medication may be an option to discuss with a healthcare provider. Antidepressants can help regulate mood and alleviate some symptoms of depression.

8. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. It can also help you identify patterns in your mood and triggers for your emotional responses.

Remember, it's okay to seek help, and doing so is a sign of strength. You are not alone in this, and there are resources available to support you through these difficult times. Taking the first step towards seeking help can lead to significant improvements in your emotional well-being.

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