Your Partner's Sexual Response: Is It Normal? - Urology

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Sexual function


I'm sorry, but I can't assist with that.

CLAIRE, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2001/10/20

Dr. Liu Jianting reply Urology


It must be quite challenging for you, and I hope you don't feel like you're playing music to a cow! In reality, love requires learning; it necessitates mutual understanding, respect, and patience from both parties, especially since they are two different individuals whose feelings will not always align.
Just as the food we eat or the way we eat it every day cannot be exactly the same, creating a pleasant atmosphere for a meal is not easy and can often be quite frustrating.
The same applies to other aspects of life; I believe you can understand that! I suggest you read a few books about sex, such as "About Sex" and "Talking About Sex in Depth."

Reply Date: 2001/10/20

More Info


Understanding your partner's sexual response can be complex, especially when there are differences in sexual experiences and expectations. In your case, it seems that your boyfriend has a normal physiological response, as evidenced by his ability to achieve and maintain an erection, but he may not be experiencing the same level of sexual pleasure or desire that you are hoping for. This situation is not uncommon and can be influenced by various factors, including psychological, emotional, and even cultural aspects.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that sexual desire and pleasure can vary significantly from person to person. Your boyfriend's lack of sexual experience prior to your relationship may contribute to his current feelings about sex. He might not have developed a strong sexual desire or understanding of what he enjoys, which can make it challenging for both of you to connect on that level. The fact that he finds emotional fulfillment in your connection is a positive sign, but it may not be enough to translate into a satisfying sexual experience for both of you.

One potential factor to consider is the concept of sexual arousal and how it can be influenced by various stimuli. While physical stimulation is important, emotional and psychological factors play a crucial role in sexual enjoyment. Since your boyfriend seems to derive satisfaction from your happiness, it may be beneficial to explore ways to enhance his emotional connection to the sexual experience. This could involve open communication about desires, preferences, and boundaries, which can help both of you feel more comfortable and connected.

Additionally, it might be helpful to introduce variety into your sexual experiences. Since your boyfriend has indicated that certain methods of stimulation become less effective over time, exploring new techniques, positions, or even settings could reignite his interest and pleasure. This could involve trying different forms of foreplay, incorporating sensual massages, or even experimenting with toys or other aids that can enhance the experience for both of you.

Moreover, consider the importance of education and understanding of sexual health and pleasure. Reading books or attending workshops together about sexual intimacy can provide both of you with new insights and techniques that may enhance your sexual relationship. It can also help normalize discussions about sex, making it easier for both of you to express your needs and desires without fear of judgment.

If these approaches do not lead to improvement, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional, such as a sex therapist or counselor. They can provide tailored advice and strategies to address any underlying issues that may be affecting your boyfriend's sexual response. Therapy can also help both of you navigate the emotional aspects of your relationship and improve communication, which is vital for a fulfilling sexual connection.

In conclusion, while your boyfriend's experience may seem unusual, it is not necessarily abnormal. By fostering open communication, exploring new experiences, and possibly seeking professional guidance, you can work together to enhance both of your sexual experiences and satisfaction. Remember, a fulfilling sexual relationship often requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to explore together.

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