Is My Boyfriend's Attraction a Sign of Sexual Dysfunction? - Psychiatry

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Is this a form of fetishism?


Hello Dr.
Huang: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years.
As we are considering marriage, he has recently realized that he is attracted to women with fair skin and pays attention to their ankles.
He has been suppressing these feelings, but now he says he can no longer hold back and is considering infidelity.
He is also unable to engage in sexual intercourse with me; every time we reach a critical moment, he becomes flaccid and cannot penetrate.
This situation worries him, and I am concerned that he may not be able to provide me with happiness in the future.
Could you please advise if his behavior indicates a psychological issue related to sexuality, and which specialty he should consult? Is there a way to improve this situation? How can I help him? Thank you for your response.

Yi, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/09/02

Dr. Huang Weiqin reply Psychiatry


Dear Inquirer: Hello! Based on your description, your boyfriend may have a sexual psychological disorder; however, the symptoms presented do not align with typical fetishism.
I recommend accompanying him to a nearby psychiatric (or psychosomatic) clinic for a professional evaluation to receive the necessary medication or psychotherapy.
Sincerely, Dr.
Huang Wei-Chin, Taoyuan Psychiatric Hospital.

Reply Date: 2006/09/02

More Info


It sounds like you are facing a complex and emotionally charged situation with your boyfriend, who has been struggling with his sexual attraction and performance issues. From what you've described, it seems that your boyfriend is experiencing a conflict between his sexual orientation and his relationship with you, which can lead to significant psychological stress and sexual dysfunction.

Sexual dysfunction can manifest in various forms, including erectile dysfunction, which appears to be a concern for your boyfriend, especially if he is unable to maintain an erection during intimate moments with you. This condition can be influenced by psychological factors, including anxiety, guilt, or fear of not meeting expectations, particularly if he is grappling with feelings about his sexual orientation or attraction to other individuals.

Your boyfriend's attraction to white-skinned women and his focus on specific physical features, such as ankles, may indicate a shift in his sexual preferences. It's important to understand that sexual attraction can be fluid and may evolve over time. If he feels that he cannot suppress these feelings any longer, it could lead to infidelity, which can further complicate your relationship and his emotional well-being.

In terms of addressing his erectile dysfunction, it would be beneficial for him to consult a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or a sex therapist. These specialists can help him explore the underlying issues contributing to his sexual dysfunction, including any feelings of shame or confusion regarding his sexual identity. Therapy can provide a safe space for him to express his feelings and work through any internal conflicts he may be experiencing.

Additionally, it might be helpful for him to see a medical doctor, preferably a urologist, who can evaluate any potential physiological causes of his erectile dysfunction. Sometimes, physical health issues can contribute to sexual performance problems, and a medical professional can help rule out any underlying conditions.

As for how you can support him, open and honest communication is key. Encourage him to share his feelings and fears without judgment. Let him know that you are there for him and that you want to understand what he is going through. However, it's also crucial to take care of your own emotional health. Consider seeking support for yourself, whether through friends, family, or a therapist, as navigating this situation can be emotionally taxing.

Ultimately, whether your boyfriend can provide you with the happiness you seek in a relationship will depend on his willingness to confront his feelings and work through them. Relationships thrive on mutual understanding and support, but both partners must be willing to engage in the process of healing and growth. If he is open to it, couples therapy could also be a valuable resource for both of you to navigate this challenging time together.

In summary, your boyfriend's situation appears to involve both psychological and possibly physiological components. Encouraging him to seek professional help and maintaining open lines of communication will be essential steps in addressing these issues. Remember, it's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being as you support him through this journey.

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