Navigating Family Turmoil: A Daughter's Struggle with a Gaming-Addicted Father

My family is not harmonious?

Hello, I would like to ask about my father's situation.
There are six people in my family: my dad, mom, my older sister, younger sister, and younger brother.
My father became addicted to online gaming starting last November (he used to enjoy playing video games but looked down on online games before his addiction).
He spends money on point cards every few days.
We originally set a rule that the kids could only play on the computer for two hours a day, but he disregards this and even plays all night.
His mental health has gradually worsened (he has a legitimate job), and he often causes car accidents, leading to costly repairs.
He has also shown a lack of concern for the children (for example, my mom usually comes home at 6 PM for dinner, but when she returned home after 7 PM, none of the kids had eaten, and I was away studying).

Later, in July and August of this year, it was discovered that he had a virtual partner in the online game.
He claimed it was just for fun, but for my mom, this was unforgivable.
This led to a cycle of my father confessing and my mother forgiving him.
After three such incidents, my mother left home because my father promised he would never do it again but continued to break that promise.
When I talked to my father again, he said that since things had escalated this much, he might as well leave.
I feel he believes he has done nothing wrong.
He keeps saying it was just for fun, but if that were the case, why would he need to deceive my mother and play secretly? He claimed he was playing to distribute virtual items, but if it was truly just for fun, those virtual items could be ignored, and he could simply stay off the internet.
I really don't understand...
Eventually, my mother returned home (she only went to my grandmother's house), and my father stopped playing.
My mother is determined to help my father.
Whenever my father has a day off, my mother takes time off too to take him out.
However, recently my father has started to show interest in gaming again.
Additionally, my mother fell today and injured her ligament.
I heard that my father just coldly watched as my mother got up by herself.
My mother is very upset; she feels that after more than a decade of relationship, it seems to be overshadowed by online gaming and that virtual partner.

As the eldest daughter, what should I do? Should I ignore it, or should I confront the situation openly? I feel so much pressure!

Xiao Zhu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/10/28

Dr. Wang Chongren reply Psychiatry

Dear Xiao Zhu,
Dr.
Wang Chong-Ren from the Tainan Hospital of the Department of Health is writing to you.
Your father seems to be experiencing extreme confusion and a loss of self-confidence, which has led him to seek validation through online gaming and romantic relationships.
However, this has caused him to drift further away from reality.
As his daughter, it is important for you to care for both your father and mother, avoid negative conflicts, seek appropriate help from friends and family, and support your mother.

It is concerning that your father is evading his responsibilities in reality.
If necessary, you may seek assistance from mental health professionals, such as psychologists or social workers, to help you all.
The Tainan Hospital is here to support your health.
Sincerely,
Tainan Hospital

Reply Date: 2006/10/28

More Info

Navigating the complexities of family dynamics, especially when a parent is struggling with addiction, can be incredibly challenging. Your father's recent descent into gaming addiction, coupled with the emotional turmoil it has caused within your family, is a situation that many families face in today's digital age. Understanding the psychological and emotional implications of this situation is crucial for both your well-being and that of your family.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that your father's behavior may stem from deeper issues, such as a desire to escape reality or cope with stress. Gaming can provide a temporary relief from the pressures of daily life, but when it becomes an obsession, it can lead to significant negative consequences, including neglecting family responsibilities and relationships. The fact that he has started to engage in deceitful behavior, such as hiding his gaming activities and developing online relationships, indicates that his addiction is affecting his judgment and priorities.

Your mother's feelings of betrayal and hurt are valid, especially considering the emotional investment she has made in their relationship over the years. The cycle of your father’s apologies and subsequent relapses can create a toxic environment, leading to feelings of hopelessness and frustration for your mother. It’s understandable that she would feel undervalued and neglected, particularly when your father prioritizes gaming over family obligations, such as preparing meals or being present for his children.

As the eldest daughter, you may feel a strong sense of responsibility to mediate between your parents and restore harmony within the family. However, it’s essential to recognize that you are not solely responsible for their relationship or your father's behavior. Here are some steps you can take to navigate this difficult situation:
1. Open Communication: Encourage open and honest communication within your family. It may be beneficial to have a family meeting where everyone can express their feelings without judgment. This can help your father understand the impact of his actions on the family and may prompt him to reflect on his behavior.

2. Seek Professional Help: It may be time to consider involving a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, who specializes in addiction and family dynamics. Professional guidance can provide your father with the tools he needs to address his gaming addiction and help your family navigate the emotional fallout.

3. Set Boundaries: It’s crucial for your mother to establish boundaries regarding your father’s gaming. This may involve setting limits on gaming time or discussing the consequences of continued neglect of family responsibilities. Boundaries can help create a healthier environment for everyone involved.

4. Support Your Mother: Your mother may need emotional support during this time. Encourage her to seek counseling or join a support group for spouses of individuals with addiction issues. This can provide her with a safe space to express her feelings and gain insights from others in similar situations.

5. Focus on Self-Care: Amidst the chaos, don’t forget to take care of your own mental and emotional health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and consider speaking to a counselor yourself if you feel overwhelmed.

6. Encourage Responsibility: If your father is open to it, encourage him to take responsibility for his actions. This could involve discussing the financial implications of his gaming addiction and how it affects the family’s well-being.

7. Be Patient: Change takes time, and it’s essential to be patient with your father as he navigates his addiction. Relapses may occur, but with support and professional help, there is potential for recovery.

In conclusion, while the situation is undoubtedly challenging, it is essential to approach it with empathy and understanding. Your father's gaming addiction is a complex issue that requires a multifaceted approach, including open communication, professional help, and the establishment of healthy boundaries. By taking these steps, you can help foster a more supportive environment for your family and encourage your father to seek the help he needs. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle, and seeking support for yourself is equally important.

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