Why Does My Girlfriend Keep the Lights Off All the Time? - Psychiatry

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What’s wrong with not turning on the lights in the room?


I recently started dating a girl.
I've noticed that every time I go to her room, she doesn't turn on the lights.
She keeps them off 24 hours a day, only using a small orange light.
Otherwise, she just has the TV or computer on.
In short, she really doesn't like to turn on the lights, and she also keeps the curtains closed.
Doctor, can you tell me what's going on with my girlfriend? I don't dare to ask her, and I'm worried that something might be wrong.
Is this harmful?

Chen Tongxue, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2008/03/30

Dr. Wang Zuoren reply Psychiatry


Hello: According to your letter (My girlfriend's room is always dark.
She doesn't turn on the lights 24 hours a day.
She only uses a small orange light.
Otherwise, she just turns on the TV or the computer.
The curtains are also never opened.), it seems that your girlfriend may have a lack of security or may have had unpleasant experiences in the past.
If she is willing, I recommend a psychiatric outpatient evaluation for assistance.
Wishing you peace and happiness.
Sincerely, Director Wang.

Reply Date: 2008/03/30

More Info


It's understandable to be concerned about your girlfriend's behavior, especially if it seems unusual to you. There could be several reasons why she prefers to keep the lights off and the curtains closed. Here are some possibilities to consider:
1. Personal Preference: Some people simply prefer dim lighting or a darker environment. This could be due to personal comfort, aesthetic preferences, or a desire for a more relaxed atmosphere. If she feels more at ease in low light, it may just be her way of creating a cozy space.

2. Sensitivity to Light: Your girlfriend might be sensitive to bright lights. Conditions such as photophobia, which is an increased sensitivity to light, can make bright environments uncomfortable. This can be due to various reasons, including migraines, certain eye conditions, or even anxiety. If she has a history of discomfort in bright settings, this could explain her behavior.

3. Mood and Mental Health: Sometimes, a preference for darkness can be linked to mood disorders such as depression or anxiety. Individuals experiencing these conditions may withdraw from bright environments, preferring solitude and dim lighting. If she seems withdrawn or has other signs of distress, it might be worth having a gentle conversation with her about how she’s feeling.

4. Sleep Patterns: If she has irregular sleep patterns or struggles with insomnia, she might be trying to create a sleep-friendly environment. Keeping the lights off can help signal to her body that it’s time to rest, especially if she has a different schedule than most people.

5. Cultural or Familial Influences: Sometimes, cultural backgrounds or family habits can influence how someone interacts with their environment. If she grew up in a setting where dim lighting was the norm, she might carry that preference into her adult life.

6. Health Issues: In some cases, there could be underlying health issues that make bright lights uncomfortable or undesirable. Conditions affecting the eyes, such as cataracts or other visual impairments, could lead her to avoid bright lights. If you suspect this might be the case, encouraging her to see a healthcare professional could be beneficial.

7. Social Anxiety or Introversion: If your girlfriend is naturally introverted or experiences social anxiety, she might prefer a more subdued environment. This can make her feel safer and less exposed, especially in social situations.

If you’re worried about her well-being, the best approach is to communicate openly and compassionately. You could start by expressing your observations and concerns without making assumptions. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed you prefer to keep the lights off and the curtains closed. Is there a reason for that? I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.” This opens the door for her to share her feelings without feeling judged.

In conclusion, while there could be various reasons for your girlfriend's preference for low lighting, it’s essential to approach the situation with understanding and empathy. Open communication can help you both understand each other better and strengthen your relationship. If her behavior is accompanied by other concerning signs, encouraging her to seek professional help might be a good step forward.

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