Your Child's Anxiety: Tips for Parents of Young Kids

Children's behavior

Dear Dr.
Su,
Hello! I apologize for the length of my message, but I hope it won't take too much of your valuable time.
I'm unsure of what to do and which specialist to consult, as I couldn't find a pediatric psychiatrist, so I'm reaching out to you for some advice.
Thank you!
I have a 6-year-old son who is in his last year of kindergarten.
Since the beginning of this semester, he has been asking me to pick him up early from school.
Recently, when I drop him off at the classroom, he cries and clings to me, not wanting me to leave.
If I arrive a little late to pick him up, he cries again.
However, he behaves normally during class and his grades are okay.
It has become a struggle every morning to get him to school without him being upset.
When I ask him why he is crying, he says he misses me, wants me to hold him, and is worried about starting elementary school.
I have reassured him many times that there is no need to worry or be afraid, as his parents and teachers will help him.
He asks questions like whether elementary school is fun, if the teachers are strict, and what time school ends.
He did not exhibit this behavior in preschool or the previous kindergarten classes.
His teachers are aware of the situation and have tried talking to him to distract him, but it seems ineffective.
The principal asked me why he has been acting this way at school, and I mentioned it might be due to anxiety about starting elementary school.
My husband and I have tried different approaches to reassure him, but nothing seems to work.
A few days ago, I bought him a watch to see if it would help.
He was very happy to receive it, and I told him that I would pick him up on time, so he shouldn’t cry anymore.
For the first two days, he didn’t cry at school, but he still needed to be held for a while.
However, after a few days, he reverted to his previous behavior.
I really don’t know what he is thinking.
I have done everything he asked, and I have been holding him for a long time before he goes to class, yet he still cries.
What more can I do? I understand that only children tend to be more attached to their parents, but is his behavior excessive? I am the only one at home taking care of him (besides his father), and he often asks to be held (which he didn’t do before).
Additionally, he had surgery for otitis media in mid-January, just before the Lunar New Year, and was hospitalized for a week.
He rested at home for about a month and didn’t attend school.
After the new semester started, he gradually began exhibiting these behaviors.
There was also an incident when his grandfather was hospitalized, and I had to help out, which caused me to pick him up late one day.
He cried very hard that day (I had already informed him that I might be late), and since then, he has been even more anxious, reminding me multiple times each day to pick him up early.
I am truly troubled by these issues.
Dr.
Su, could you please help me with the following questions? 1.
Is his behavior related to his previous surgery? Is he still experiencing stress from it? 2.
Could the incident with his grandfather also be a factor? 3.
I feel at a loss.
How can I handle this? What should parents do in this situation?
Thank you for taking the time to read my concerns! I greatly appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Alice

Alice, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2008/04/21

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry

This situation may be indicative of separation anxiety disorder, but a definitive assessment can only be made by evaluating the child in person.
1.
There is no direct correlation with the ear surgery.
2.
The incident involving the grandfather was just one of several stressors.
3.
It is advisable to consult a child psychiatrist; generally, medical centers such as National Taiwan University Hospital, Veterans General Hospital, Mackay Memorial Hospital, Chang Gung Memorial Hospital, and Shin Kong Wu Ho-Su Memorial Hospital will have specialists available.
Additionally, some psychiatric hospitals like Taipei Songde Hospital and Taoyuan Psychiatric Hospital also offer services.
It is important to choose a nearby facility for the child's psychological evaluation.
I hope your child can achieve good health.

Reply Date: 2008/04/21

More Info

Dear Alice,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns about your son’s anxiety. It’s clear that you care deeply for him, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed when faced with such challenges. Let’s break down your questions and explore some strategies that may help both you and your son navigate this difficult time.

1. Connection Between Surgery and Anxiety: It’s possible that your son’s anxiety is related to his recent surgery for ear infections. Children often process medical experiences differently than adults, and a hospital stay can be frightening. The experience of being away from home, along with the discomfort of surgery, may have contributed to his heightened anxiety about separation. Children can develop a sense of insecurity after such events, leading them to cling more to their parents. This behavior is not uncommon and can manifest as increased attachment or fear of separation.

2. Impact of Family Events: The hospitalization of his grandfather may also have played a role in your son’s anxiety. Children are sensitive to the emotions and situations around them, and witnessing a family member in distress can create feelings of uncertainty and fear. Your son may be worried about losing loved ones or experiencing more changes in his environment, which can lead to increased clinginess and anxiety about being apart from you.

3. Strategies for Managing Anxiety: Here are some strategies you might consider to help your son cope with his anxiety:
- Open Communication: Continue to encourage your son to express his feelings. Ask open-ended questions about his worries and validate his emotions. Let him know that it’s okay to feel scared or anxious about starting school and that many children feel the same way.

- Routine and Predictability: Establishing a consistent routine can provide a sense of security for your son. Knowing what to expect each day can help reduce anxiety. You might create a visual schedule that outlines his day, including school drop-off and pick-up times.

- Gradual Exposure: If possible, consider gradually increasing the time he spends at school or with caregivers. This can help him build confidence in his ability to separate from you. You might start with short periods apart and gradually extend the time as he becomes more comfortable.

- Positive Reinforcement: Celebrate small successes when he manages to separate from you without crying. Positive reinforcement can help him associate school with positive experiences. You could use a reward system where he earns small rewards for staying calm during drop-off.

- Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Teaching your son simple mindfulness exercises or breathing techniques can help him manage anxiety. For example, deep breathing or counting to ten can be effective tools for calming down when he feels overwhelmed.

- Professional Support: If his anxiety continues to interfere with his daily life, consider seeking support from a child psychologist or counselor. They can provide tailored strategies and support for both you and your son.

4. Parental Self-Care: Remember that your well-being is also important. Parenting a child with anxiety can be challenging, and it’s essential to take care of yourself. Seek support from friends, family, or parenting groups where you can share experiences and gain insights.

In summary, your son’s anxiety may stem from a combination of recent medical experiences and family events. By fostering open communication, establishing routines, and gradually helping him cope with separation, you can support him through this challenging time. If needed, don’t hesitate to seek professional help to ensure he receives the support he needs.

Take care, and I wish you and your son all the best as you navigate this journey together.

Warm regards,
Doctor Q&A Teams

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