I am only 24 years old and have been married for just over six months?
My husband's genitalia is small, and he doesn't know how to tease women (it's always just 1 suck, 2 thrusts, and then penetration).
He also doesn't last long (usually less than three minutes).
As a result, I'm increasingly disinterested in having sex with him, and sometimes I even find it repulsive.
I don't know what to do about it.
Xiao Wa, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2001/12/26
Dr. Du Shixi reply Urology
If sexual life is not ideal and there is a lack of compatibility, it may be necessary to change your perspective.
Consider sharing your thoughts with your partner, as they may also have opinions to express.
If you find it difficult to speak up, some hospitals offer specialized clinics for this purpose, which you can take advantage of.
Reply Date: 2001/12/26
More Info
Struggling with intimacy in a marriage, especially at a young age, can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience. It’s important to approach this situation with understanding and a willingness to communicate openly with your partner. Here are some insights and suggestions to help you navigate this difficult time.
1. Understanding Intimacy: Intimacy is not solely about physical connection; it encompasses emotional, psychological, and sexual dimensions. A fulfilling intimate relationship often requires a balance of all these aspects. If one area is lacking, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration.
2. Communication is Key: Open and honest communication with your husband is crucial. It’s important to express your feelings and concerns without placing blame. Use "I" statements to share how you feel, such as "I feel disconnected during our intimate moments," rather than "You make me feel this way." This approach can foster a more constructive dialogue.
3. Explore Alternatives: Intimacy can take many forms. If traditional sexual intercourse is not satisfying, consider exploring other ways to connect physically and emotionally. This could include cuddling, kissing, or engaging in activities that promote closeness without the pressure of penetration. Experimenting with different forms of intimacy can help rekindle your connection.
4. Educate and Experiment Together: Sometimes, a lack of experience or knowledge can hinder intimacy. Consider exploring educational resources together, such as books or workshops on sexual techniques and intimacy. This can help both of you learn new ways to enhance your sexual experiences and make them more enjoyable.
5. Seek Professional Help: If the issues persist, consider seeking the help of a therapist or a sex therapist. A professional can provide guidance tailored to your specific situation and help both of you address underlying issues that may be affecting your intimacy. Therapy can also create a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and desires.
6. Addressing Physical Concerns: If your husband’s size or performance is a concern, it’s important to approach this topic sensitively. Encourage him to speak with a healthcare professional if he has concerns about his sexual health or performance. There may be underlying medical issues that can be addressed, and a doctor can provide advice on potential solutions.
7. Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and desires. What do you want from your intimate life? Understanding your own needs can help you communicate them more effectively to your partner. It’s also important to consider whether there are any emotional barriers, such as stress or anxiety, that may be impacting your feelings towards intimacy.
8. Patience and Understanding: Building intimacy takes time and effort from both partners. Be patient with yourself and your husband as you navigate this journey together. Recognize that intimacy can ebb and flow, and it’s normal to experience ups and downs in a relationship.
9. Consider the Bigger Picture: Reflect on your overall relationship. Are there other areas where you feel disconnected? Sometimes, intimacy issues can stem from broader relationship dynamics. Strengthening your emotional bond outside the bedroom can enhance your physical connection.
In conclusion, struggling with intimacy in a marriage can be difficult, but it’s essential to approach the situation with empathy, communication, and a willingness to explore new avenues together. By fostering open dialogue, seeking professional guidance, and being patient with each other, you can work towards rebuilding a satisfying and fulfilling intimate relationship. Remember, intimacy is a journey that requires effort and understanding from both partners.
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