Supporting a Loved One's Mental Health After a Serious Injury

Patient's mood

Hello Dr.
Lai, my father had a car accident at the beginning of September and suffered a fracture in his right knee.
Recently, he has developed several complications, such as a gastric ulcer, fever, and osteomyelitis.
He has only been able to stand slightly and sit in a wheelchair this week, having been bedridden for almost three months.
Along with his other ailments, he has been sighing and crying every day since the accident, expressing uncertainty about when he will recover, often thinking negatively and frequently saying he doesn't want to live, even mentioning that he wishes he had died in the accident.
When I tell him not to think so much, he responds that I am not in his position.
I would like to ask Dr.
Lai how we should respond when my father says such despairing things.
How can we help guide him away from these negative thoughts? Thank you very much!

Stephanie, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2009/11/24

Dr. Lai Junlong reply Family Medicine

Hello! From your inquiry, I have a general understanding of your father's situation and your current circumstances.
It is natural to experience negative and pessimistic thoughts when facing difficulties and feeling down.
As you are concerned about how to help your father gradually distance himself from feelings of helplessness and despair, it is important for you to first alleviate your own anxiety and urgency.
If these feelings dominate your mind, they will only increase your panic and confusion.
Next, carefully listen to what your father expresses when he talks about his pain or discomfort, and try to understand the deeper psychological needs he may be conveying.
Often, when patients feel helpless and despairing, it may indicate that they had certain expectations about their recovery after receiving medical treatment, which have not been met.
This discrepancy between their expectations and reality can lead to profound feelings of helplessness and despair, which may manifest in your father's reactions.
Therefore, while "listening" to your father's account of his physical discomfort, empathize with his feelings and let him know that you are making an effort to understand his discomfort.
Once you can empathize with your father's feelings, he will be able to sense that "you are on the same side, working together to find solutions to his problems."
Finally, do not forget to separate the various issues that are troubling your father and try to address them one small part at a time, while ensuring he feels our continuous efforts throughout the process.
This approach should help alleviate some of your father's frustration.
If issues persist or if you encounter any difficulties during this process, feel free to visit the hospital, and we will refer you to a professional psychologist to help address your father's emotional distress.

Reply Date: 2009/11/24

More Info

Supporting a loved one’s mental health after a serious injury can be a challenging yet crucial task. Your father's situation, following a car accident that resulted in a knee fracture and subsequent complications, understandably has led him to experience feelings of despair and hopelessness. It’s important to approach this situation with empathy, understanding, and practical strategies to help him navigate through his emotional struggles.

Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge your father’s feelings. When he expresses thoughts of not wanting to live or feeling hopeless, it’s vital to listen without judgment. Validate his emotions by saying things like, “I can see that you’re really struggling right now, and it’s okay to feel this way.” This acknowledgment can help him feel heard and understood, which is often the first step in alleviating feelings of isolation and despair.

Encouraging open communication is also key. Let him know that it’s safe to express his feelings and that you are there to support him. You might say, “I’m here for you, and it’s okay to talk about how you’re feeling.” This can create a supportive environment where he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts and fears.

In addition to providing emotional support, it may be beneficial to gently redirect his focus. When he expresses negative thoughts, try to guide the conversation toward more positive aspects of his situation. For example, you could say, “I understand that it feels overwhelming right now, but let’s think about the small steps we can take each day to help you feel a bit better.” This approach can help him see that while the situation is difficult, there are still small victories to celebrate, such as being able to sit in a wheelchair or stand for a few moments.

Encouraging him to engage in activities that he enjoys or that can distract him from his pain can also be helpful. Whether it’s watching a favorite movie, reading a book, or even engaging in light conversation, these activities can provide a temporary escape from his current struggles and help improve his mood.

It’s also crucial to consider professional help. If your father’s feelings of hopelessness persist or worsen, it may be beneficial to seek the assistance of a mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can provide him with coping strategies and tools to manage his emotions effectively. You might suggest, “Have you thought about talking to someone who can help you through this? It might be really beneficial.”
Lastly, take care of yourself as well. Supporting a loved one through a tough time can be emotionally draining. Make sure you are also seeking support, whether through friends, family, or support groups. This will not only help you cope but will also enable you to be a better support system for your father.

In summary, supporting your father through this challenging time involves listening to his feelings, encouraging open communication, gently redirecting negative thoughts, engaging in enjoyable activities, considering professional help, and taking care of your own emotional well-being. By fostering a supportive environment, you can help him navigate through his feelings of despair and gradually find a path toward healing and hope.

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