Toilet Training Troubles: Tips for Parents of Reluctant Toddlers

Just want to wear diapers?

Hello, doctor! My daughter is almost two years and three months old! We started potty training her in June, and she only had a couple of successful attempts at the beginning.
Sometimes she urinates on the floor, but I haven't scolded her.
We also tried a cute little potty, but she just treats it as a toy! She is very afraid of sitting on the toilet, and even with a small seat cushion placed on the toilet, she still refuses to sit! Recently, whenever we don’t put on a diaper for her, she cries and even asks for a diaper herself! Additionally, she doesn't like having her hair washed.
Could this be an issue with sensory integration? These matters are quite troubling for me! Please provide some suggestions! Thank you!

Xiao Qian, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2010/08/04

Dr. Xiao Kaiwen reply Pediatrics

The age at which children can control their bowel and bladder movements varies significantly among individuals.
Most children begin to express the desire to use the toilet between 18 months and 2 years of age, with some being fully trained by the age of 2, while others may not achieve this until they are 3 or 4 years old, which is still considered normal.
It is important to approach toilet training with a positive attitude rather than using reprimands or punishment.
Encouragement is key; for instance, praising the child or providing small rewards when they successfully use the toilet can be beneficial.
It is essential to allow the process to unfold naturally and to help the child understand the importance of self-control.
This is not indicative of sensory integration issues, which can also manifest in behaviors such as a dislike for hair washing.

Reply Date: 2010/08/04

More Info

Toilet training can be a challenging phase for both parents and toddlers, and it's common for children to exhibit reluctance or fear during this process. Your daughter, at almost two years and three months, is still quite young, and it's important to approach toilet training with patience and understanding. Here are some strategies and insights that may help you navigate this situation.

Understanding Your Child's Readiness
Firstly, it's essential to recognize that every child develops at their own pace. Some children may show readiness for toilet training earlier than others. Signs of readiness include showing interest in the toilet, staying dry for longer periods, and being able to follow simple instructions. If your daughter is showing resistance, it may be a sign that she is not yet ready, and that's perfectly okay.

Creating a Positive Environment
1. Make It Fun: Introduce the toilet in a playful manner. You could read books about potty training or use fun songs to make the experience enjoyable. Sometimes, children respond better to a light-hearted approach rather than pressure.

2. Use a Reward System: Consider implementing a reward system for successful attempts. This could be stickers, small treats, or extra playtime. Positive reinforcement can motivate her to try using the toilet.

3. Familiarize with the Toilet: Allow her to explore the toilet and the potty at her own pace. Let her sit on the potty fully clothed to get used to the idea without pressure. Gradually, she may become more comfortable with the concept.

4. Modeling Behavior: If appropriate, let her see family members using the toilet. Children often learn by imitation, and seeing others use the toilet can demystify the process.

Addressing Fear and Anxiety
If your daughter is afraid of sitting on the toilet, it’s crucial to address this fear gently. You might try:
- Gradual Exposure: Start with the potty chair in a familiar place, like the living room, where she can sit on it without the pressure of using it for its intended purpose. Once she is comfortable, gradually move it to the bathroom.

- Comfort Items: Allow her to bring a favorite toy or book to the bathroom to make her feel more secure while sitting on the toilet.

- Talk About It: Discuss her fears openly. Ask her what she doesn’t like about the toilet and validate her feelings. Sometimes, just talking about fears can help alleviate them.

Handling Resistance to Diapers
If she insists on wearing diapers, it might be beneficial to allow her to wear them for a little longer, especially if it reduces her anxiety. You can frame it as a temporary solution while she gets used to the idea of using the toilet. Gradually reduce the use of diapers during the day, and encourage her to try using the toilet instead.

Sensory Sensitivities
Regarding her dislike of washing her hair, this could indeed indicate sensory sensitivities. Many children have varying degrees of sensitivity to certain textures, sounds, or sensations. Here are some tips to help with hair washing:
- Use a Gentle Approach: Use a soft washcloth to wet her hair instead of pouring water directly. This can help reduce the sensation of water running over her head.

- Incorporate Play: Make hair washing a fun activity by allowing her to play with bath toys or using a special cup for rinsing that she can control.

- Routine and Consistency: Establish a consistent routine for hair washing, so she knows what to expect. Over time, she may become more accustomed to the process.

Conclusion
Toilet training is a significant milestone, and it's essential to approach it with patience and understanding. Every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. If your daughter continues to resist toilet training or if you have concerns about her sensory sensitivities, consider consulting with a pediatrician or a child psychologist who specializes in developmental issues. They can provide tailored advice and support based on her specific needs. Remember, the goal is to create a positive and stress-free environment for her as she navigates this important developmental stage.

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