Should You Seek Help for Lingering Emotional Trauma? - Psychiatry

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Should I see a doctor for lingering regrets from the past?


My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia two years ago, and our family has not had a moment of peace since then.
Initially, my mother strongly opposed her taking psychiatric medication, believing it would make my sister more senile, so she did not encourage her to take the medication and even tried to prevent her from taking it.
During those two years, my sister would often attack me, both verbally and physically, while my mother insisted that I endure it and scolded me for being inconsiderate.
It wasn't until my sister attempted to hit me with a wooden stick that my mother, in an effort to protect me, got injured and finally called the police to take my sister for involuntary treatment.
Afterward, her condition fluctuated; once, while I was just talking in the living room, she thought I was insulting her and tried to stab me with a fruit knife.
My father quickly knocked the knife out of her hand, and the family called the police to take her to the hospital.
This cycle of hospitalization continued, and when my sister was about to be discharged again last year, my mother and I had a dispute over her release.
I felt that my mother wanted my sister back and not me, which led to my reckless decisions.
I started to believe that online friends could help me, but I was wrong.
After knowing one for less than half a day, he took me out to eat and to the night market, and then back to his place, where I realized his intentions were physical.
Feeling unhappy at home, I reluctantly gave him my virginity.
The next morning, he asked, "You wouldn't be shameless enough to tell anyone about us, would you?" I cried all the way home on the train, only to find out that my mother had been searching for me all night at the police station, reporting me as a missing person.
After this incident, I only confided in one trusted friend and never mentioned it to my family.
Whenever my sister showed symptoms, I would run away from home.
I didn't care if their intentions were just for a one-night stand or if they genuinely wanted to help me.
Since I didn't know any female friends who could offer me a place to stay, I mostly interacted with male friends.
After my sister returned home, I felt a heavy pressure weighing down on me, and I wanted to escape from this house.
Last year, I was plagued by psychological distress and didn't know where to seek help, so I turned to an online Q&A platform.
A user reached out, willing to listen to my troubles.
At that time, I was in a runaway state, but my sister was about to be hospitalized again.
I didn't understand why I felt the need to run away.
I discussed it with that user, who asked if I would be willing to move to his city to start over, find a job, and attend night classes to rebuild my life.
I didn't expect the outcome to be the same: abandonment.
He took half of my money and tore up the page with his phone number.
When I returned home, a friend informed my parents of my whereabouts.
Fearing I would run away again, my parents called the police to keep tabs on me.
When I got home, my family thought I had just gone out for a few days and didn't pay much attention.
However, I couldn't bear the reality of being played with, so I attempted suicide and was hospitalized.
Recently, my sister was discharged again, but I no longer wanted to run away; I just kept crying.
As long as my sister is around, I become irritable and restless, talking to myself without understanding what's wrong with me.
I don't want to keep crying or talking to myself uncontrollably.
Should I see a doctor, or am I not actually sick?

GivenChy, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/02/05

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry


Hello,
The content of your letter is indeed touching! The grievances and pain accumulated over the years undoubtedly surpass what words can describe.
As a family member of someone with a mental illness, being under constant pressure and facing conflicts regarding how to care for a sick family member can intensify feelings of frustration and helplessness, which I can understand and empathize with.

Escaping a stressful environment is sometimes not a bad thing, as it can prevent us from breaking down.
However, the place we go to after leaving is crucial.
Many people anticipate that ending a relationship or leaving a stressful family will lead to a life of freedom, unbound by constraints.
In reality, we often overlook how interconnected we are with our families.
Once we leave the protective environment of our family, very few strangers will genuinely care for us, remain steadfast, and give without expecting anything in return.

Family is not always warm and free of problems, but change often begins at home, which is usually a safer approach, and the rewards of our efforts are more reasonably expected.
Regarding your emotional and mental state, seeing a doctor is a very good idea.
If you feel comfortable with your sister's psychiatrist, it might be better to consult him or her, as they have a considerable understanding of your family's situation, allowing you to skip lengthy explanations and quickly enter treatment.
Lastly, living in regret and resenting yourself, leading to self-harm, will not alleviate your suffering.
Even if you have made mistakes in the past, learn from them and remind yourself not to repeat them in the future.
It is essential to let go of the past and look forward.
Remember, what has happened is in the past and can never return to harm us unless we hold onto it tightly.
Wishing you mental and physical health, and a gradual improvement in your situation.
Sincerely,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/02/05

More Info


It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging and distressing time, both with your sister's mental health issues and your own emotional struggles. The situation you describe is complex and layered, involving family dynamics, trauma, and personal mental health challenges. It is crucial to recognize that seeking help is not only a sign of strength but also a necessary step toward healing.

Firstly, it is important to understand that the emotional trauma you are experiencing is valid. Living in an environment where there is constant fear and tension due to a family member's mental illness can take a significant toll on your mental health. The experiences you have described, including feeling unsafe, being attacked verbally and physically, and the pressure to manage your sister's condition, can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Given the severity of your experiences, it is highly advisable to seek professional help. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide you with the support and tools you need to cope with your feelings and the trauma you have endured. Therapy can help you process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work through the feelings of helplessness and despair that you are experiencing. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns and emotional distress.

Additionally, it is essential to create a support system for yourself. This can include trusted friends, family members, or support groups where you can share your experiences and feelings without judgment. Connecting with others who have faced similar challenges can help you feel less isolated and provide you with a sense of community.

You mentioned that you have engaged with online communities for support, which can be beneficial, but it is crucial to be cautious about the relationships you form online. Not everyone may have your best interests at heart, and it is essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you and support your healing journey.

In terms of your sister's condition, it is unfortunate that there has been resistance to her treatment. Mental illness can be complex, and it often requires a multi-faceted approach, including medication, therapy, and support from family members. If your sister is open to it, encouraging her to engage with mental health professionals can be beneficial for her and for the family dynamic.

Lastly, it is vital to prioritize your own mental health. Engage in self-care practices that promote your well-being, such as exercise, mindfulness, journaling, or creative outlets. These activities can help you manage stress and process your emotions in a healthy way.

In conclusion, seeking help for lingering emotional trauma is not only advisable but necessary for your healing. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate these difficult circumstances. Remember, you are not alone, and there are professionals and resources available to help you through this challenging time. Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional to begin your journey toward healing and recovery.

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