Overcoming Anxiety: Strategies to Let Go of Worries and Focus on Life

Concerns about unusual things?

Hello Dr.
Ding: Thank you for your response! I am very grateful! Recently, I have been trying to follow your advice.
Sometimes I succeed, but at other times I still struggle to shift my focus and find myself stuck worrying about certain issues.
I often wonder if I am overthinking things.
Although I feel that familiar sensation of overthinking returning, I also worry that it might not be the case.
Sometimes I fear that my actions (like withdrawing from a group or not participating in certain activities, which I feel most people wouldn't worry about) might offend others and later affect job interviews or similar situations (perhaps due to some coincidence).
I also sometimes worry that my words or actions might be misunderstood, and if a teacher misinterprets them, it could impact my grades.
I feel like I am really overthinking things, and sometimes I find it a bit amusing, but I can't help but think about it.
I always feel the need to come up with an acceptable outcome, but sometimes I just can't, which feels like a waste of time.
I find it hard to concentrate on tasks and keep getting distracted by these thoughts.
Although I want to let go of these issues, I sometimes fear the outcomes I worry about, even though they seem like things that most people wouldn't be concerned about.
I think that I shouldn't dwell on things that haven't happened yet and should wait until they occur, but I also feel that thinking ahead provides some reassurance or helps me prepare to avoid being caught off guard.
However, I realize that I can't possibly come up with solutions for things that haven't happened yet, as they may not occur or may not unfold as I imagine.
Could you please share any methods or thoughts on how to let go of these unresolved issues and continue to happily pursue what I want and need to do? Is it possible for someone who tends to overthink to change and become more carefree? Thank you, Doctor.

JIMMY, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/03/02

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, changing a deeply ingrained belief or breaking a habit is not an easy task.
If everyone’s mindset were so flexible and adaptable, the world would be filled with less suffering, and perhaps there would be no need for psychiatrists or psychologists.
Therefore, to change your thought patterns, it requires continuous awareness and reminding yourself that those meaningless thoughts should be halted.
You need to gradually liberate yourself from a habitual mindset and establish a new, joyful, and unburdened way of thinking.
I would like to point out one more thing: have we truly made the decision to rid ourselves of these haunting repetitive thoughts? You would certainly say yes! I suggest that you face them honestly.
Think about it; these strange thoughts actually feed certain emptiness and insecurity within us! There is a metaphor that is quite close: we all dislike being busy and having no time for ourselves, but when we actually have half an hour to do nothing, we start to feel bored or even anxious, wanting to find something to do, like playing on our phones, browsing the internet, chatting with someone, or even going for a bike ride.
The difference is that these activities can be somewhat entertaining, while the repetitive thoughts in our minds can be more tormenting! I believe that from certain perspectives, these two states are actually very similar.
Additionally, you mentioned that if you inadvertently do something or say something, could it unintentionally offend someone or have negative consequences in the future.
My answer is, of course, it can! Everything we do interacts with and affects those around us.
The people around us are not stones; they have feelings and thoughts.
Our world has seasons, and there is a past and a future.
The environment we are in is lively and dynamic, making it impossible to expect our words and actions not to affect others or to remain unaffected in return.
Should we then tread carefully? Of course not; that would be too exhausting and unachievable! I offer three suggestions: First, we need to understand that what everyone cares about most is actually themselves.
What others say or do will only briefly capture our attention and interest.
Unless someone deliberately continues to show us affection or hostility, we will not take it seriously.
As you mentioned, a careless remark may upset someone at the moment, but the impact is actually limited; over time, it generally becomes less significant rather than more serious.
Second, we often overestimate our importance in the eyes of others.
Even if one holds a prestigious position like the president, what they say or do is still less important to the vast majority of people than what they will have for dinner tonight.
You may feel that your actions have a significant impact on others and that you are being observed.
My view is that over 90% of people actually do not care at all.
If we are just students and not bosses or influential figures, the truth is that only our parents are likely to care that much about our every word and action; others are far more concerned about themselves.
The third suggestion is to help others more, which can greatly reduce excessive sensitivity to how others perceive us.
Lastly, if you want a quicker solution, medication can also provide rapid effects! Your question touches on many core common issues of humanity, and it is a lengthy discussion.
I will answer up to this point amidst my busy clinical work.
Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/03/02

More Info

Overcoming anxiety and letting go of worries can be a challenging journey, especially when you find yourself caught in a cycle of overthinking and fear of the unknown. It’s commendable that you are seeking strategies to manage these feelings, and I’d like to share some insights and techniques that may help you navigate this path more effectively.

Firstly, it’s important to recognize that anxiety is a common experience, and many people struggle with similar thoughts and feelings. The tendency to worry excessively about future events, especially those that are uncertain or beyond your control, can lead to a state of chronic anxiety. This often manifests as a fear of making mistakes or facing negative consequences, which can be paralyzing.

One effective strategy for managing anxiety is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves staying present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can help you become aware of when you start to spiral into worry and allow you to gently redirect your focus back to the present. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or even simple grounding exercises (like focusing on your senses) can be beneficial. For instance, when you find yourself worrying about a potential misunderstanding with a teacher or colleague, take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you are safe in the present moment.

Another useful approach is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns. When you catch yourself thinking, “What if I offend someone by not participating in an activity?” try to reframe that thought. Ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that this will happen?” or “What’s the worst that could happen, and how would I cope with it?” This process can help you develop a more balanced perspective and reduce the intensity of your worries.

Setting aside specific times for worry can also be helpful. Designate a “worry time” each day, where you allow yourself to think about your concerns for a limited period. Outside of this time, if worries arise, remind yourself that you have a designated time to address them later. This can help you compartmentalize your anxiety and reduce its impact on your daily life.

Additionally, engaging in activities that you enjoy and that require your full attention can serve as a distraction from anxious thoughts. Whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or spending time with friends, immersing yourself in positive experiences can help shift your focus away from worries.

It’s also essential to cultivate self-compassion. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel anxious and that you are not alone in this struggle. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend facing similar challenges. This can help reduce the pressure you place on yourself to be perfect or to avoid mistakes.

Lastly, if you find that your anxiety continues to interfere with your daily life, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be a valuable step. They can provide personalized strategies and support tailored to your specific needs.

In conclusion, while it may seem daunting, it is possible to change your relationship with anxiety and overthinking. By practicing mindfulness, challenging negative thoughts, setting aside worry time, engaging in enjoyable activities, and being kind to yourself, you can gradually learn to let go of worries and focus more on living your life fully. Remember, change takes time, and it’s okay to seek help along the way. You have the strength to navigate this journey, and with persistence, you can find greater peace and happiness in your life.

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