Overcoming Obsessive Thoughts: Strategies for Mental Well-Being

How to address obsessive thinking?

In high school, I would constantly ask people, "What did you just say?" or "What was that sentence you just mentioned?" I wanted to know every word clearly, even going so far as to say, "I'll pay for dinner if you tell me." I just felt uncomfortable not knowing.
Later, at the beginning of college, I continued this behavior, but at one point, my classmates probably thought I was strange, and I realized that if I kept this up, I might end up without friends.
So, I seemed to have an epiphany.
After that, things improved significantly; even when I met high school classmates, I felt there was a positive change, and we could look back on it as a funny story.
However, deep down, I was a bit scared; I feared that situation would arise again.
In high school, I would even check the bathroom after using it to confirm whether I had flushed, thinking I was going crazy.
I researched a lot, but I felt that such changes sometimes seemed irrational; they could just happen suddenly!
Now, the challenge I face is that I become very fixated on things I've said in the past.
I feel like I can't break my own rules; otherwise, I would be a liar.
This thought makes me uncomfortable.
New thoughts may arise, and I want to act on them, but they might contradict what I previously said, which leads to pain no matter what I do.
My family tells me that people are always changing, and thoughts will naturally evolve; there's nothing wrong with that.
However, I often struggle to understand why others frequently don't stick to their words, which hurts me.
Therefore, I feel I shouldn't be like this.
Is there any way to stop having these thoughts? These thoughts make social interactions uncomfortable because I fear that if I say something and then don't follow through, it creates difficulties in sharing.
Every time I want to share my thoughts, decisions, or considerations, I worry about what will happen if I don't follow through or if I contradict myself.
This thought process is very troubling for me.

sika, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/04/19

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, actually the title of your question has already pointed out the essence of these issues, which are compulsive thoughts.
Sometimes, they can stick to you like strong glue, and using various methods to combat them often proves futile.
My suggestion is that once you determine that not thinking about it or addressing it will not lead to any terrifying consequences, the next time such compulsive thoughts arise, you should immediately get up and do something else.
Shift your attention and thoughts, and fully engage in another activity.
After a few times, you will feel a sense of relief.
Of course, if this still doesn't work, seeing a doctor and taking medication is also a good approach.

Additionally, you mentioned some concerns regarding interpersonal interactions.
In managing relationships, keeping promises is important, but we must also recognize that there are other elements that contribute to success in relationships.
For example, helping others, sharing, having a sense of humor, speaking positively, and not losing our temper.
It is rare for us to encounter someone who is inconsistent in their speech, but we more often come across opportunities to gossip or criticize others, as well as situations where others may need our help or actions that may frustrate us.
In these moments, how we demonstrate emotional intelligence and grace is crucial for winning friendships and earning the respect of others.

Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/04/19

More Info

Overcoming obsessive thoughts can be a challenging journey, especially when these thoughts interfere with daily life and relationships. Your experience of needing clarity on what others say and your fear of breaking rules or being perceived as dishonest are common manifestations of obsessive thinking. This can often lead to anxiety, discomfort in social situations, and a sense of being trapped in a cycle of overthinking.

Firstly, it's important to understand that obsessive thoughts are often linked to anxiety disorders, particularly Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In OCD, individuals may experience intrusive thoughts that cause significant distress, leading them to engage in compulsive behaviors to alleviate that distress. Your need to confirm what others say or to check if you flushed the toilet can be seen as compulsive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety.

Here are some strategies that may help you manage and overcome these obsessive thoughts:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This is a highly effective treatment for OCD and anxiety-related disorders. CBT helps individuals identify and challenge distorted thinking patterns and replace them with more rational thoughts. Working with a therapist can provide you with tools to manage your thoughts and reduce their impact on your life.

2. Mindfulness and Acceptance: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts without judgment. Instead of trying to control or eliminate these thoughts, mindfulness encourages you to observe them and accept their presence. This can reduce the power they hold over you. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and grounding exercises can be beneficial.

3. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): This is a specific type of CBT that involves gradually exposing yourself to the situations that trigger your obsessive thoughts while refraining from engaging in compulsive behaviors. For example, if you feel the urge to confirm what someone said, you might practice allowing yourself to let go of that need and observe how you feel over time.

4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can help you externalize them and gain perspective. You can note down your fears about breaking rules or being perceived as dishonest, and then challenge those thoughts by writing counterarguments or evidence that contradicts them.

5. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s normal for thoughts and feelings to change. Allow yourself the grace to be human. Remind yourself that it’s okay to not have everything figured out and that flexibility in thoughts and actions is a part of life.

6. Limit Reassurance-Seeking: While it’s natural to seek reassurance from others, try to limit this behavior. Instead, practice self-reassurance by reminding yourself that it’s okay to have different thoughts and that you are not defined by your past statements or actions.

7. Seek Professional Help: If these strategies feel overwhelming or if your obsessive thoughts significantly impact your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide tailored guidance and support to help you navigate your experiences.

8. Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with individuals who understand your struggles and can provide support without judgment. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends or family members can help alleviate feelings of isolation.

In conclusion, overcoming obsessive thoughts is a process that requires patience and self-compassion. By employing these strategies and possibly seeking professional help, you can work towards reducing the impact of these thoughts on your life and improving your overall mental well-being. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take the time you need to heal and grow.

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