Navigating Mental Health Challenges: Finding Hope and Employment After Trauma

I'm not sure what to do?

Hello, doctor: I once developed depression after being mistreated by my boss at work, who maliciously withheld my salary and humiliated me.
I am not required to serve in the military, and I am currently seeing a doctor and taking medication.
I have a history of mental illness for 10 years, and I receive disability living assistance monthly, which I have been receiving for some time.
I am glad to receive this assistance because my family is low-income, and it helps alleviate some of my financial burden.

Logically, after so many years since the incident with my boss and receiving assistance, I should have let go of the emotional weight I carried, but whenever I miss my medication, my physical and mental symptoms cause me great distress, necessitating medication.
I thought I had moved on and no longer harbored resentment, so why do I still feel this way? Furthermore, because of my condition and my exemption from military service, I am currently struggling to find a job! Relying solely on assistance is insufficient to cover my daily living expenses.
I have very limited skills and work capabilities, and I feel like I am at a dead end.
I have even contemplated suicide when I run out of money.
My mother passed away from metastatic cancer four years ago.
During her illness, as the eldest son, I felt I could not provide her with the support she needed.
I feel ashamed and have thought about seeking her out in my despair.
I was essentially surviving because of her! After her death, I faced numerous obstacles in finding work, taking on jobs that were either useless or beyond my capabilities, leading to resignations and failures to perform tasks, etc.
I am barely scraping by, relying on scavenging for about two thousand dollars a month plus assistance! I do not want to live like this, but I feel powerless to change my situation.
Everything is increasing in cost, and I fear that one day I will feel I have no other option but to end my life!
When my mother was alive, I was willing to take risks and could work outside.
Now, I feel paralyzed by fear; everything comes at a cost, and I do not have the resources.
When my mother was still here, I had even been able to return home to eat with my employer! Living on limited assistance is incredibly difficult, and my illness makes it hard for employers to hire me.
With my limited work capabilities, I can only collect a little bit of recyclables, struggling day by day.
What should I do?
I am currently considering taking civil service exams, which include Chinese, civics, English, and two professional subjects.
I really do not know any English, so I will have to rely on the other subjects to score points.
The exam is at the end of the year, and I have seven months to prepare, but since I do not know English, I must work hard in the other subjects without making mistakes to even come close to passing! During the preparation period, I will only have my assistance to live on, which will not be enough.
Moreover, if I do not pass, I will have wasted time and lost opportunities to find work.
Should I focus entirely on preparing for the civil service exams, or should I find a job for a while and then resign to prepare for the exams? (Finding a job is one issue, and meeting employer requirements is another.) What should I do? No matter what I do, it feels wrong! If I hypothetically find a job and then leave to prepare for the civil service exams, I will not be adequately prepared for the disability special exam! If I focus entirely on preparation now, I will not be able to work and may waste time, and the local civil service exam at the end of the year is very challenging!
I have no other options; I am trying to squeeze through the narrow door of civil service.
What should I do? Please help me!

A-Wen, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/04/26

Dr. Li Zhengfeng reply Psychiatry

Dear Mr.
A-Wen,
First of all, welcome to your letter.
I apologize for the delay in responding due to issues with our computer system.
Mental illness is a chronic condition that requires long-term medication.
Stopping medication can lead to instability in your condition.
Patients with mental illnesses often experience difficulties in occupational and social functioning, which can result in maladjustment and feelings of depression.

I recommend that you seek assistance from an employment service center to find suitable jobs for individuals with mental health challenges, which can help improve your financial situation.
If you are facing significant difficulties, you may also reach out to your local village chief or social services for support.
You will be able to overcome these challenges.
I suggest that you first find a job and gradually prepare for the exams.
The special examination for individuals with disabilities is held annually, so there is no need to worry or rush.
I wish you a speedy recovery and success in your endeavors, so you can emerge from this difficult period in your life.

Reply Date: 2012/04/26

More Info

Navigating mental health challenges, especially after experiencing trauma and ongoing struggles with depression, can be incredibly daunting. Your situation reflects a complex interplay of past trauma, current mental health issues, and the pressures of finding employment, all of which can feel overwhelming. It’s important to acknowledge the weight of your experiences and the feelings of hopelessness that can arise from them.

Firstly, it’s commendable that you are actively seeking help and are currently under medical care for your mental health. Managing a mental health condition, particularly one that has persisted for a decade, requires ongoing support and treatment. The fact that you are on medication and have been able to access disability benefits indicates that you are taking steps to manage your situation, even if it feels insufficient at times.

The feelings of pain and distress that you experience when you are not on medication are not uncommon among individuals with mental health conditions. It’s crucial to understand that healing is not linear; even when you believe you have moved past certain traumas, they can resurface, especially during times of stress or change. This is a normal part of the recovery process, and it often requires patience and continued support from mental health professionals.

Regarding your employment situation, it’s understandable to feel trapped between the need for financial stability and the limitations imposed by your mental health. The fear of rejection in the job market can be paralyzing, especially when compounded by feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. It’s important to remember that many people face similar challenges, and seeking employment can be a gradual process.
You mentioned considering public service exams as a potential pathway to stability. This could be a viable option, but it’s essential to balance your preparation with your mental health needs. If you decide to focus on studying for the exams, ensure that you have a structured plan that allows for breaks and self-care. It might also be beneficial to explore study groups or online resources that can help you improve your English skills, as this could alleviate some of the pressure you feel about that subject.

On the other hand, if you choose to seek employment first, consider looking for positions that offer flexibility and understanding of mental health challenges. Some organizations prioritize hiring individuals with disabilities and may provide a supportive environment. This could help you regain confidence and build skills while also providing some financial relief.

Additionally, it might be worthwhile to explore vocational rehabilitation services or job placement programs specifically designed for individuals with mental health conditions. These programs can offer tailored support, including job training, interview preparation, and assistance in finding suitable employment.

As for your feelings of despair and thoughts of self-harm, it’s crucial to reach out for immediate support. If you ever feel that you are in crisis, please contact a mental health professional or a crisis hotline in your area. You are not alone in this struggle, and there are people who care and want to help you.

In summary, consider the following steps:
1. Continue your medication and therapy: Regularly consult with your healthcare provider to manage your mental health effectively.

2. Explore job opportunities: Look for flexible job options or vocational rehabilitation programs that cater to individuals with mental health challenges.

3. Balance study and work: If pursuing public service exams, create a structured study plan that incorporates self-care.

4. Seek support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups for encouragement and understanding.

Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Your journey may be challenging, but with the right support and resources, there is hope for a brighter future.

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