I am very scared?
I'm not sure if I need to see a doctor.
Sometimes I feel very unhappy, and although my mood is affected during that time, I keep telling myself that it's just a fantasy and there's nothing to fear.
After four or five days, I start to feel a bit better.
When I'm riding my bike, I sometimes feel like a car might hit me when I pass an intersection.
While on the bus, I worry that the bridge might collapse as we cross it.
In the elevator, while showering, or when I'm alone in a building with high or low floors, I think that there might be an earthquake.
I experience shortness of breath and have trouble sleeping, feeling like I can't get fresh air.
I also have thoughts about tsunamis, wars, and apocalyptic scenarios, fearing that everyone might become living dead due to a virus.
I am also very afraid of being bullied (sexually).
I dream about someone watching me or trying to touch me.
Some of these thoughts I know are influenced by movies, but I actually watched those movies before I gave birth, and I didn't feel this way back then.
Now, I almost can't bear to watch any movies or news, as I'm afraid those things might happen in my life.
All of this started about a week after I gave birth, and it has been two and a half years since then, with good days and bad days.
During my delivery, I was in a lot of pain and crying, feeling scared, and then I was pushed into the operating room for a cesarean section.
In the operating room, I only remember feeling very cold and scared.
After my confinement period, my condition worsened.
I even took an online postpartum depression scale and scored either 17 or 19 (I can't remember).
At that time, my solution was to go out to work, bringing lunch boxes for my family, which kept me busy with many "important matters" to think about.
Later, my mood improved a lot, but I still have episodes of feeling down.
Additionally, I have avascular necrosis in my left leg (for about 5.6 years), and I'm very afraid it will continue to worsen.
I'm scared of undergoing surgery; after giving birth, I have been very fearful of this.
I'm afraid of the feeling of being unconscious under anesthesia, but I really want to have two children.
So I tell myself that if I can endure one more surgery, I won't have to be afraid anymore.
Recently, I was preparing to get pregnant, but the orthopedic doctor said that my other leg also has a condition.
I want to take medication to manage it, but I also want to have a child soon.
I'm really frustrated and scared.
I want to know how I can stop being afraid of "surgery." If I can overcome that fear, then I can have children and treat my leg without being anxious anymore.
xi fang, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/06/04
More Info
Overcoming fear, especially in the context of anxiety and postpartum challenges, can be a complex journey that often requires both self-awareness and professional support. Your experiences reflect a common struggle faced by many individuals, particularly new parents, who may find themselves grappling with heightened anxiety and fear following significant life changes such as childbirth.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that what you are experiencing may be indicative of anxiety disorders, which can manifest in various forms, including panic attacks, obsessive thoughts, and irrational fears. The feelings of dread you describe—such as fearing accidents while riding a bike, worrying about structural failures like bridges collapsing, or experiencing panic in confined spaces—are not uncommon among those who have undergone significant stress or trauma, such as childbirth. The postpartum period can be particularly challenging, as hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and the overwhelming responsibilities of caring for a newborn can exacerbate pre-existing anxiety or trigger new fears.
Your self-awareness in acknowledging that these fears may be influenced by past experiences, such as watching certain movies, is a positive step. It suggests that you are capable of recognizing the source of some of your anxiety, which is crucial in the process of overcoming it. However, the persistence of these fears over two and a half years indicates that they may require more than self-reassurance to manage effectively.
Seeking professional help is highly recommended. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide a thorough assessment and help you understand the underlying causes of your anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety disorders, as it focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. Additionally, exposure therapy may help you gradually confront and reduce your fear of specific situations, such as medical procedures or being alone.
Regarding your fears surrounding surgery and anesthesia, it’s understandable to feel apprehensive, especially given your past experiences. Many individuals share similar concerns about losing control during medical procedures. Discussing these fears with your healthcare provider can be beneficial. They can provide detailed information about the procedures, what to expect, and how they manage anesthesia, which may help alleviate some of your fears. Additionally, they may offer options for sedation or anxiety management before and during the procedure.
In terms of your desire to have another child, it’s essential to prioritize your mental health and physical well-being. If your leg condition requires surgery, consider discussing a comprehensive plan with your orthopedic surgeon that addresses both your physical health and your anxiety. They may be able to coordinate care with a mental health professional to ensure you feel supported throughout the process.
Lastly, self-care strategies can also play a significant role in managing anxiety. Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and regular physical activity can help reduce anxiety levels. Engaging in supportive communities, whether in-person or online, can provide a sense of connection and understanding, which is invaluable during challenging times.
In conclusion, while it’s commendable that you are actively seeking ways to manage your fears, professional guidance is crucial in navigating these complex emotions. By addressing both your mental health and physical concerns, you can work towards a more balanced and fulfilling life, allowing you to pursue your goals of expanding your family and improving your leg condition without the burden of overwhelming fear.
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