Erectile dysfunction during sexual intercourse?
Hello, Doctor: My wife and I recently got married (we did not have premarital sexual intercourse), and since we are both inexperienced, it hasn't gone very smoothly.
We spent nearly 30 minutes on foreplay, but I noticed that I didn't feel much excitement.
Although I had an erection, it became semi-erect within ten seconds and eventually returned to its normal state.
No matter how much I was stimulated afterward, it remained semi-erect, making penetration impossible.
In the end, my wife had to help me finish.
I thought it was normal to feel nervous on the wedding night, but two weeks later, during our second attempt, the situation was the same.
Regardless of how my wife touched me, I just didn't feel much excitement, and my erection was still semi-erect, making penetration impossible again.
Ultimately, I ejaculated while still semi-erect.
Afterward, I felt very sorry for my wife; she was very engaged and physiologically ready for intercourse, while I felt inadequate.
I'm really worried that I can't provide her with a normal married sex life.
I admit that my libido is low because I don't feel much (my wife has been trying very hard to help me), which leads to erectile dysfunction.
I used to watch adult films/pictures frequently (about every 2 to 3 days) and often masturbated (after watching).
However, I no longer have spontaneous erections when I see adult content.
Since our wedding night didn't go well, I haven't engaged with any adult material for three weeks.
Could it be that I've watched too much, leading to a lack of sexual desire? What should I do? I have consulted both traditional Chinese medicine and Western medicine, and the doctors said this is erectile dysfunction, but I believe it's due to a lack of sexual desire leading to incomplete erections.
Does this still count as erectile dysfunction? Could my age mean that low testosterone is causing my low libido, or is there a possibility of hormonal imbalance? What methods can I use to enhance my sexual desire? I no longer feel anything when watching adult films, so when my wife is naked in front of me, I feel indifferent.
I'm really troubled right now.
Could you please provide a rough diagnosis of my situation? Thank you.
A Feng, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2014/05/20
Dr. Lin Hexing reply Urology
Hello, Ah Feng: I recommend that you go directly to the urology outpatient clinic.
You may need further blood tests, and please follow the doctor's advice!
Reply Date: 2014/05/20
More Info
Erectile issues, particularly in newlywed couples, can be a source of significant concern and anxiety. Your experience of difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection, especially in the context of a new relationship, is not uncommon. Let's break down the potential causes and solutions for your situation.
Understanding the Causes
1. Psychological Factors: Anxiety and stress are common culprits in erectile dysfunction (ED), especially for individuals who are new to sexual experiences. The pressure to perform, fear of inadequacy, and concerns about pleasing your partner can lead to performance anxiety. This anxiety can create a cycle where the fear of failure leads to further difficulties in achieving an erection.
2. Physiological Factors: While you mentioned that you are young, physiological issues can still play a role. Low testosterone levels can affect libido and erectile function. However, this is less common in younger individuals unless there are underlying health issues. Other physiological factors could include blood flow issues or nerve damage, but these are less likely given your age.
3. Lifestyle Factors: Your history of frequent consumption of adult content and masturbation can also impact your sexual response. Overexposure to pornography can create unrealistic expectations about sex and may desensitize you to sexual stimuli, making it harder to become aroused in real-life situations. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as "porn-induced erectile dysfunction."
4. Relationship Dynamics: The dynamics of a new relationship can also contribute to erectile issues. If there is a lack of emotional connection or if you feel pressured to perform, it can affect your ability to relax and enjoy the experience.
Solutions and Recommendations
1. Communication with Your Partner: Open and honest communication with your wife about your feelings and experiences is crucial. Discussing your anxieties and concerns can help alleviate some of the pressure you feel. It’s important for both of you to understand that this is a common issue and that you are in this together.
2. Reducing Anxiety: Consider engaging in relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. These practices can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall mental well-being, which may positively impact your sexual performance.
3. Limit Adult Content: Taking a break from adult films and focusing on building intimacy with your partner can help reset your sexual response. This can allow you to reconnect with your partner without the influence of unrealistic portrayals of sex.
4. Seek Professional Help: Since you have already consulted with both traditional and alternative medicine practitioners, consider seeking a therapist who specializes in sexual health. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing performance anxiety and changing negative thought patterns related to sex.
5. Physical Health Check: If you haven’t already, consider getting a comprehensive health check-up. This can include hormone level testing to rule out any physiological causes of your erectile issues.
6. Gradual Exposure: Instead of jumping straight into penetrative sex, consider exploring other forms of intimacy with your partner. This can help reduce pressure and allow you to enjoy the experience without the expectation of performance.
Conclusion
Erectile issues can be complex and multifaceted, particularly for newlywed couples. It’s essential to approach this situation with patience and understanding, both for yourself and your partner. By addressing psychological factors, improving communication, and seeking professional guidance, you can work towards resolving these issues and enhancing your sexual relationship. Remember, you are not alone in this experience, and many couples face similar challenges as they navigate their sexual journeys together.
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