Navigating Anxiety: Health Fears and Relationships

Other concerns?

Dr.
Ding: Regarding the questions I asked last time, I would like to raise some additional concerns.
Here is the content of my previous inquiry: (Hello, I’m not sure if it’s due to some obsessive thinking, but I’ve become very sensitive about illness.
My boyfriend's mother works in a hotel, and due to his parents' divorce, he has only recently reconnected with her.
However, he is not very clear about the specifics of her job at the hotel.
I can’t help but worry that if she is involved in any sex-related activities, he might contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI), and I even worry about the possibility of transmission through shared restrooms or communal eating (because I’ve heard of cases where people develop warts in their mouths).
I fear that if they eat together, or if his mother dines with other family members, my boyfriend could be at risk of infection, which could then be transmitted to me.
I read online that warts can potentially be transmitted through food or saliva, and while I think that seems unlikely, I still worry and wonder if I’m overthinking this.
I found myself anxious to the point where I feared that if my boyfriend or his family had a meal with his mother, he might get infected, and I even thought I wouldn’t be able to kiss him or share food with him in the future.
However, I realize my boyfriend cannot avoid interacting with his mother forever.
I would like to ask how I should approach this situation and what mindset I should adopt.
Thank you, doctor.) After consulting a dermatologist, I was informed that using a shared toilet is unlikely to pose a risk, but eating together could potentially carry some risk, though the probability is low.
I still find myself preoccupied with this concern, but when I discussed it with a few friends, they thought I was overreacting and that the risk is minimal, with some even saying they’ve never heard of transmission occurring through shared meals, and they couldn’t think of anyone around them who has such a condition.
(Yet I cling to the doctor’s comment that it is possible...
I’m even more worried about the chance of transmitting it to my family through various means.) I’m not sure if this is due to obsessive thinking; am I overly worried about low-probability events? (I sometimes think that if I’m worried about this, I should also be concerned about getting into a car accident while walking down the street, and I end up scolding myself.) Sometimes I feel really sad that my worries about these issues prevent me from focusing on what I should be doing in the moment.
A friend suggested I see a psychologist, but I’ve read a lot of information stating that seeing a psychiatrist can make it difficult to obtain insurance later on, and I also don’t want to take medication, so I’m quite resistant to that idea (I once visited a doctor who mentioned I exhibited symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) but didn’t confirm whether I actually have it.
Since I’m resistant to medication, he didn’t prescribe anything for me.
I wonder if this means I have been diagnosed with OCD? In hindsight, I’m also worried that having such medical records will make it hard for me to get insurance in the future.) I’m quite concerned that this might affect my future relationships, as I might even fear kissing or sharing food with my boyfriend, and if I enter another relationship, I would have to think through a lot of scenarios.
Why do I seem to react so strongly to these worries while others appear indifferent? I would like to ask the doctor how I should cope with this situation and how to interact with my boyfriend moving forward.
I dislike being this anxious and unrealistic, constantly worrying about future uncertainties instead of living in the moment...
How can I become more practical, optimistic, or brave? Thank you, doctor.

Niming, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2014/08/30

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, regarding your concerns, I would like to divide them into two parts.
First, the issue of infectious diseases that you are worried about.
Second, whether you have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and the need to see a doctor.

To begin with, concerning infectious diseases, I suggest you consult an infectious disease specialist to clarify your questions.
The truth is that the situation is not as severe as it seems; microorganisms and pathogens are everywhere, though we cannot see them, our bodies can naturally resist most bacterial attacks.
Accidents that can lead to injuries, such as falls or car accidents, also happen around us if people are not careful.
No one can guarantee that these incidents will never happen to us, so while the probability is low, it is not zero.
How should we cope? We should avoid engaging in activities that increase our risk, and otherwise, live comfortably and continue to do what we need to do.

In fact, compared to your boyfriend's mother, those of us who spend over ten hours a day in the hospital are likely at greater risk.
We breathe the same air as patients, we press elevator buttons that patients have touched multiple times a day, and we also handle doors that they have opened and closed.
When dining in restaurants, we are often in line with patients as well.
Overly worrying psychologically may be the real issue here.

As for OCD, it is important to see a doctor for a proper diagnosis, but this will indeed leave a medical record.
Since you also dislike taking medication, if you can find a qualified psychotherapist's clinic for self-paid therapy, that could be a good option, alleviating concerns about insurance records.
It is unrealistic to expect to maintain a perfectly healthy body forever; we naturally age, and bodily functions decline.
Even without infectious pathogens, chronic illnesses often arise as we get older.

In daily life, we should take the opportunity to educate ourselves; most things do not go as we wish, and at best, we experience a mix of joy and sorrow.
Learning to accept people and situations we dislike and gradually letting go of these psychological burdens is essential for moving forward.
This may not be easy for you, but it is unlikely that a therapist will provide a few words that will lead to instant enlightenment.
Instead, daily self-encouragement to accept imperfections and gradually transform your worries is something we can actively work on ourselves.

Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2014/08/30

More Info

Navigating anxiety, especially when it comes to health fears and relationships, can be a challenging journey. Your concerns about your boyfriend's health, particularly in relation to his mother's job and potential exposure to sexually transmitted infections (STIs), reflect a common pattern of anxiety that many individuals experience. This type of anxiety often manifests as excessive worry about health risks, especially when there is uncertainty or a lack of information.

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that your feelings are valid. Anxiety can often lead us to overthink situations, creating a cycle of worry that can feel overwhelming. The fear of potential health risks, especially those that are not well understood, can trigger a cascade of negative thoughts and fears. In your case, the concern about your boyfriend contracting an STI from his mother, and the subsequent worry about transmission to you and your family, highlights how anxiety can distort our perception of risk.

From a psychological perspective, this behavior can be associated with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, where the mind fixates on specific fears or scenarios. The fact that you mentioned feeling compelled to worry about unlikely events, such as contracting an STI through shared meals, suggests that you may be experiencing a form of health anxiety or even obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It’s crucial to differentiate between rational concerns and those that are exaggerated or based on fear rather than fact.

Your instinct to seek reassurance from medical professionals is a common response to anxiety. However, it’s essential to understand that while medical advice can provide some clarity, it may not always alleviate your fears. In fact, sometimes, seeking too much reassurance can reinforce anxiety rather than diminish it. The advice you received from the dermatologist about the low probability of transmission through shared meals is a rational perspective, but your mind may still cling to the fear due to the nature of anxiety.

To address these concerns, consider the following strategies:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This therapeutic approach is highly effective for anxiety and OCD. It helps individuals identify and challenge irrational thoughts, replacing them with more balanced and realistic perspectives. A therapist can guide you through this process, helping you to reframe your fears and reduce their impact on your daily life.

2. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the tendency to ruminate on future fears. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can be beneficial in managing anxiety symptoms.

3. Limit Information Seeking: While it’s natural to want to gather information to feel secure, excessive research can exacerbate anxiety. Try to set boundaries on how much time you spend researching health-related topics, especially those that trigger your fears.

4. Open Communication with Your Boyfriend: Discuss your concerns with your boyfriend in a calm and honest manner. Sharing your feelings can help alleviate some of the burden you carry and may also provide you with reassurance from him. It’s important to approach this conversation without placing blame or creating unnecessary tension.

5. Seek Professional Help: If your anxiety continues to interfere with your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your specific situation. Your concerns about insurance and medication are valid, but many therapists can work with you on a treatment plan that does not involve medication if that is your preference.

6. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you find yourself spiraling into worry, try to challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself what evidence supports your fears and what evidence contradicts them. This can help you gain a more balanced perspective.

7. Focus on the Present: Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. By focusing on the present and enjoying your time with your boyfriend, you can gradually reduce the hold that anxiety has on your life.

In conclusion, navigating anxiety related to health fears and relationships requires a multifaceted approach. By understanding the nature of your anxiety, seeking appropriate support, and implementing practical strategies, you can work towards a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and taking steps to address your anxiety is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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