Erection Issues: Why Does It Happen with a Partner? - Urology

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Hello Doctor, I usually masturbate about 6 to 7 times a week, and my erection quality is normal.
However, since I started dating my girlfriend, I've noticed that while I can achieve a good erection when we are about to have sex, I tend to lose firmness when it's time to penetrate or when putting on a condom.
What could be the reason for this? I still experience morning erections daily, and I can watch adult films and masturbate without any issues, so why does this happen with my girlfriend? Could it be due to excessive masturbation or being too accustomed to adult films? Additionally, is it appropriate for someone in their early 20s to use Viagra?

Ke Li Fu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/02/21

Dr. Xu Weikai reply Urology


Cliff: Hello, your issue seems quite serious.
I recommend seeking medical attention as soon as possible for an examination.
If there are any unclear points, feel free to ask again, and we can discuss and research further.
Answers found online should only be used as a reference; if necessary, you should visit a healthcare facility for treatment.
This message is from Dr.
Hsu Wei-Kai, Director of the Urology Department at Taitung Hospital, Ministry of Health and Welfare, who cares about your well-being.

Reply Date: 2016/02/21

More Info


Erection issues, particularly those that occur in the presence of a partner, can be attributed to a variety of psychological and physiological factors. It’s not uncommon for men to experience difficulties with maintaining an erection during sexual activity, even if they have no problems achieving an erection during masturbation or when stimulated by pornography.
In your case, where you report normal erectile function during masturbation and other forms of stimulation, but experience a loss of erection when attempting to engage in sexual intercourse with your girlfriend, several factors may be at play:
1. Performance Anxiety: One of the most common reasons for erectile difficulties in the presence of a partner is performance anxiety. The pressure to perform well can lead to stress and anxiety, which can inhibit the body's ability to maintain an erection. This is especially true if you are concerned about how you will perform or if you are worried about your partner's expectations.

2. Psychological Factors: Emotional factors such as fear of intimacy, relationship issues, or past experiences can also contribute to erectile dysfunction. If you are feeling nervous or insecure about the relationship or the sexual encounter, this can manifest as difficulty maintaining an erection.

3. Physical Factors: While you mentioned that you have regular morning erections and can achieve an erection through masturbation, it’s still important to consider physical factors. Hormonal imbalances, blood flow issues, or even fatigue can affect erectile function. However, since you are experiencing normal erections in other contexts, this is less likely to be the primary cause.

4. Habituation to Stimulation: Regularly watching pornography can lead to a form of desensitization, where the brain becomes accustomed to a certain type of stimulation that may not be replicated in real-life sexual encounters. This can make it more challenging to achieve or maintain an erection with a partner, as the brain may not respond in the same way to physical intimacy.

5. Frequency of Masturbation: While masturbation is a normal and healthy sexual activity, excessive frequency can sometimes lead to temporary changes in sexual function. However, in your case, since you are still able to achieve erections during masturbation, this is likely not the primary issue.

Regarding your question about the use of Viagra (sildenafil) at your age, it is generally prescribed for erectile dysfunction and is not typically recommended for young men without underlying medical conditions. If you are experiencing occasional erectile difficulties, it may be more beneficial to address the psychological aspects or relationship dynamics rather than relying on medication.
In conclusion, it may be helpful to explore these issues further, possibly with the assistance of a healthcare professional or a therapist who specializes in sexual health. They can help you identify any underlying psychological factors and provide strategies to improve your sexual experiences with your partner. Open communication with your girlfriend about your experiences and feelings can also alleviate some of the pressure and anxiety you may be feeling.

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