Struggling with Severe Depression: A Journey Through Emotional Turmoil - Psychiatry

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Major Depressive Disorder


In early March, I had suicidal thoughts and took a large amount of sedative sleeping pills, which led my family to take me to the emergency room for gastric lavage.
During my first visit, a psychiatrist at the Shuanghe Hospital diagnosed me with a single episode of major depressive disorder.
I was then referred to Dr.
Chen Jiong-Hsu for further treatment.
Initially, I was prescribed 30 mg of Venlafaxine (Effexor) to be taken after dinner.
After a week, my condition stabilized.
However, this week I noticed that I was increasingly unable to control my emotions.
During my follow-up appointment, I explained my situation to the doctor.
My stress is primarily work-related, and I often lose control of my emotions while at work.
One day, a colleague was speaking very loudly, which led to an argument between us.
In my anger, I pushed her, and she had to restrain me from hitting her.
Later, I privately vented my frustration by punching the wall, resulting in bruised hands.
I feel helpless and believe that my inability to manage my emotions is causing my medication dosage to increase.
I just started taking 60 mg of Venlafaxine in the evening.
For certain reasons, the doctor scheduled my next appointment in two weeks and advised me to return if I experience any issues, while also suggesting that I keep a record of the times, locations, and circumstances of my episodes.
I feel overwhelmed and question my ability to control my emotions.
I wonder how I ended up like this.
I was initially willing to seek treatment to get better, but now the distance to recovery feels so far away.
I increasingly feel reluctant to seek medical help and even doubt whether I am truly a depressed patient.

Betsy, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/03/26

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello Betsy, experiencing a depressive episode can indeed be very challenging.
However, with appropriate treatment, mood regulation, and adjustments to environmental stressors, most individuals can see improvement over time.
I encourage you to continue seeking medical care and work towards your recovery goals.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2016/03/26

More Info


It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Severe depression can feel like a heavy burden, and it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed, especially when you are struggling with emotional regulation and the pressures of daily life.

From what you've described, it seems that your journey with depression has been marked by significant ups and downs. You mentioned having suicidal thoughts and even attempting to harm yourself, which is a serious indication of the depth of your struggle. It’s crucial to recognize that these feelings are not uncommon among individuals dealing with severe depression, and reaching out for help is a vital step in the healing process.

You initially sought help from a psychiatrist and were prescribed medication, which is a common approach for managing severe depression. The medication, in your case, seems to have provided some initial stability, but it’s concerning that you are now experiencing increased emotional volatility and have had incidents of anger and physical aggression. This can be a sign that the current treatment plan may need to be reassessed. It’s important to communicate openly with your healthcare provider about these changes in your mood and behavior, as they can help adjust your treatment accordingly.

The feelings of helplessness and frustration you are experiencing are also common in those with depression. It’s not unusual to question the authenticity of your condition, especially when you feel like you are not making progress. However, it’s essential to remember that depression is a complex mental health disorder that can manifest in various ways, including emotional dysregulation, irritability, and feelings of worthlessness. These symptoms can be exacerbated by stressors in your life, such as work-related pressures.

In addition to medication, therapy can be an invaluable resource for managing depression. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are two therapeutic approaches that have been shown to be effective for individuals struggling with emotional regulation and depression. Therapy can provide you with tools to better understand and manage your emotions, develop coping strategies, and address the underlying issues contributing to your depression.

It’s also important to consider lifestyle factors that can impact your mental health. Regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are all crucial for emotional well-being. Engaging in activities that bring you joy or relaxation, even if they feel difficult at first, can also help improve your mood over time. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, may help you develop greater awareness of your emotions and reduce feelings of anxiety and anger.

Lastly, I encourage you to reach out to your support network, whether that be friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can help alleviate some of the isolation that often accompanies depression. You don’t have to go through this alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

In summary, while it may feel like you are far from recovery, it’s important to remember that healing is a journey that often involves setbacks. Continue to communicate with your healthcare provider about your symptoms and feelings, consider incorporating therapy into your treatment plan, and focus on self-care practices that promote emotional well-being. You are not alone in this struggle, and there is hope for a brighter future.

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