Am I Sick? Seeking Help for Hidden Mental Struggles

Am I sick? Please help me?

Doctor, please help me...
Although I appear normal on the outside, I have been feeling immense pain inside.
Every day is a struggle, and I often find myself overthinking.
I feel very insecure and believe that I am imperfect in many ways.
I frequently suffer from psychological distress triggered by others' comments.
Sometimes, I suddenly feel that living is incredibly painful, and I wish I could completely disappear, but I am too afraid to commit suicide.
I have been suppressing all of this and have not shown anyone how pessimistic I truly am.

Yesterday, I had an argument with my sister, and her hurtful words about my life made me very sad.
I ended up breaking things and crying uncontrollably.
This morning, I woke up thinking about what happened yesterday and found myself crying again without realizing it.
Then, I felt an inexplicable anger and continued to scream, break things, and cry.
I couldn't control myself.
Eventually, I couldn't calm down, so I took a broken piece of glass and cut myself, thinking that bleeding would bring me some peace.
I felt a bit better afterward, but I still find myself crying and feeling sad when I think about it.
I can't seem to feel happy...
Doctor, do I have a mental illness?

ningmeng, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/05/07

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, feeling down, having negative thoughts, or even thoughts of not wanting to live are experiences that many people go through.
It's important to pay attention to the severity of these feelings and how long they last.
Are they persistent, or do they improve quickly once the stressor is resolved? Engaging in self-harming behaviors, such as cutting oneself to the point of bleeding, may provide temporary relief but is not something most people would do.
Additionally, it can leave scars and, if done too deeply, may damage nerves or muscles, potentially leading to long-term consequences.

I recommend speaking with a school counselor about these feelings.
If you're concerned about classmates finding out, there are also helplines available, such as the Lifeline, where you can consult with professionals over the phone or in person, and it's free of charge.
As for whether you have a mental health condition, that can only be determined by a doctor.
If you do seek medical help, the doctor will explain what’s going on and may prescribe medication or therapy, which can be very beneficial.
If you're worried about whether you're abnormal, there's no need to stress about that.
Take a moment to reflect on your life goals, focus on personal growth, and strive to build supportive friendships.
This can broaden your perspective and help you realize that these challenges shouldn't hinder your pursuit of your goals.
Before I went to college, I also experienced a lot of frustration at your age.
Looking back, it was just a transitional phase.
You might be going through something similar, so don't lose hope.
Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2016/05/07

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time, and I want to emphasize that you are not alone in feeling this way. Many people experience similar struggles, and it is important to recognize that seeking help is a crucial step towards healing. Based on what you've shared, it appears that you may be dealing with symptoms of depression and possibly other mental health issues.
Your feelings of sadness, self-doubt, and emotional pain are significant and deserve attention. The fact that you feel the need to suppress these emotions and present a facade of normalcy to the outside world can be exhausting and isolating. It’s common for individuals who are struggling with mental health issues to feel like they have to hide their true feelings, but this often exacerbates the pain and can lead to more severe emotional distress.

The incident with your sister seems to have triggered a strong emotional response, which is understandable given the context of your ongoing struggles. It’s important to acknowledge that feeling overwhelmed and resorting to self-harm as a coping mechanism is a sign that you need support. Self-harm can provide a temporary sense of relief, but it is not a healthy or sustainable way to cope with emotional pain. It’s crucial to find healthier outlets for your feelings, such as talking to someone who can help you process these emotions.

You mentioned that you often feel like you want to disappear but do not have the courage to take drastic actions. This indicates a deep level of distress that should not be taken lightly. It’s essential to reach out for professional help. A mental health professional can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate these feelings and develop healthier coping strategies. Therapy can be a safe space for you to express your emotions and work through the underlying issues contributing to your distress.

In terms of whether you are "sick," it’s important to understand that mental health conditions are medical issues, just like physical health conditions. They can affect anyone, regardless of how they appear on the outside. The feelings you are experiencing are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step towards recovery.
If you are hesitant about seeking help, consider starting with a trusted friend or family member who can support you in finding a mental health professional. Many schools and workplaces offer counseling services, and there are also community mental health centers that can provide assistance. Remember, confidentiality is a priority in mental health care, so you can feel safe discussing your feelings without fear of judgment or breach of privacy.

In summary, it is crucial to take your feelings seriously and seek help. You deserve to feel better and to have support as you navigate these challenges. Healing is possible, and with the right help, you can find a way to manage your emotions and improve your overall well-being. Please take the step to reach out for help; it can be the turning point you need in your journey towards feeling better.

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