I don't know what's wrong with me?
Hello Doctor: I have been feeling chest tightness, sadness, helplessness, fear, and guilt for the past few months.
I have lost interest in everything, even things I used to enjoy, and I don't want to eat.
My sleep quality is terrible.
I also can't remember anything; my mind feels blank.
I sometimes feel like there are other people inside my body, and during class, I suddenly feel like I'm switching personalities, after which I completely forget what I did.
My friends say I seem strange, like I've become a different person, and it's hard to approach or communicate with me.
I am completely unaware of this, which adds to my stress.
Sometimes, when I reply to messages, I find chat records that I have no memory of, and my responses seem completely different from what I would normally express.
I keep wondering if I have multiple personalities because I was severely bullied for many years as a child, and my parents always blamed me and scolded me.
I have thought about suicide multiple times and even planned to kill my family and those who bullied me before taking my own life, but I can't bring myself to do it.
The last time something important to me was destroyed by my parents, I felt intense anger, sadness, and heartache, and I instinctively grabbed a small knife, but I forgot what happened afterward.
When I woke up, I was in a different location, and recalling the previous events made my heart ache as if I were dying.
I study advertising design, so I draw in class, but I unintentionally create very dark and scary images without realizing it.
For example, I might draw a scene of darkness with just me, and sometimes it turns into a scene with four people, one clutching their chest in pain, another crying, one with a blank expression, and another smiling while holding a knife.
Now, I am experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations, which makes me feel like I am really sick.
I am hesitant about seeking medical help because I fear being judged or ridiculed.
So, I want to know what illness I might have and what I should do.
Thank you.
Ye Zi, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/09/17
Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry
Hello: It seems that you have been experiencing some negative emotions and behaviors lately, which may be related to recent stress.
Regardless of the cause, it has caused you some physical and mental distress.
I recommend that you seek consultation at a mental health facility as soon as possible (you don't have to think of it as seeing a doctor; just consider it a consultation) to help alleviate your concerns.
Reply Date: 2016/09/17
More Info
Hello,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, and I want to assure you that you are not alone in this. Many people experience similar feelings of distress, and it’s important to recognize these signs and seek help.
From what you’ve described, it seems you are experiencing a range of symptoms that could be indicative of several mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and possibly dissociative symptoms. The feelings of chest tightness, sadness, helplessness, and guilt, along with a lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed, are common signs of depression. Additionally, your experiences of memory loss, feeling like someone else is inside you, and having auditory and visual hallucinations are concerning and suggest that you may be dealing with more complex psychological issues.
The fact that you have thoughts of self-harm and harming others is particularly serious. These thoughts can be overwhelming and frightening, but it’s crucial to understand that they are a signal that you need support. It’s understandable to feel scared about seeking help, especially with concerns about being judged or misunderstood. However, mental health professionals are trained to provide a safe and confidential environment where you can express your feelings without fear of ridicule.
Here are some steps you can take:
1. Seek Professional Help: It’s important to talk to a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can provide a proper assessment and help you understand what you are experiencing. They can also offer therapy and, if necessary, medication to help manage your symptoms. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
2. Talk to Someone You Trust: If you feel comfortable, share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. Sometimes, just talking about what you’re going through can provide relief and help you feel less isolated.
3. Keep a Journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process what you’re experiencing. It can also help you track any patterns in your mood or behavior.
4. Practice Self-Care: Although it may be difficult, try to engage in activities that promote your well-being. This could include gentle exercise, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques. Eating well and maintaining a regular sleep schedule can also have a positive impact on your mental health.
5. Avoid Isolation: While it may feel easier to withdraw from others, try to maintain connections with friends and family. Social support is crucial during difficult times.
6. Educate Yourself: Learning about mental health can help you understand your experiences better. It can also empower you to advocate for yourself when seeking help.
7. Crisis Resources: If you ever feel like you might harm yourself or someone else, please reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency services immediately. Your safety is the top priority.
It’s important to remember that mental health conditions are treatable, and many people find relief and recovery through therapy and support. You deserve to feel better and to live a life free from the burdens you are currently carrying. Please take the brave step to reach out for help. You are worth it, and there is hope for a brighter future.
Take care, and I wish you strength on your journey to healing.
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