Coping with Emotional Turmoil After a Loved One's Cancer Diagnosis

Emotional instability

Last Tuesday, my mom went to the hospital for a check-up without telling me and had a biopsy done.
This Tuesday, after reviewing the results, it was confirmed that she has stage 1 to 2 breast cancer.
When I found out, I felt very sad and angry.
I quietly cried a few times.
Since I live at school, I am away from home from Monday afternoon to Friday afternoon.
After returning to school this week, I have been unable to feel happy.
I have researched some information and know that the cure rate for early-stage breast cancer is very high, and I believe that my mom, being 47 years old, will be able to endure the treatment and survive.
However, I don't know why I still feel so bad.
I constantly think about my mom, and just hearing her voice on the phone or reading her messages brings tears to my eyes, and the tears start to flow down my cheeks.
Since I have roommates and classmates around, I am afraid to cry out loud or cry for too long.
I want to understand why, even though I know my mom's illness can be treated, I still can't control my emotions and keep crying in secret.
I am very afraid that my emotions will affect my mom, so I always suffer in silence.
I hope the doctor can tell me what I can do to regain my smile.

Han, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/10/20

Dr. Zhong Mingxun reply Psychiatry

It's understandable that you're feeling very sad after your mother has been diagnosed with stage 1 or 2 breast cancer.
Crying is a normal reaction, and expressing your emotions in a healthy way can be beneficial for you.
Your mother's condition does have a high chance of being treatable, but there are no guarantees, which makes it difficult to fully relax and feel at ease.
It will take time to truly come to terms with this situation.
You may be worried that your emotions could affect your mother, which is why you tend to keep your feelings to yourself.
This concern for her well-being is a thoughtful gesture, and it's possible that your mother is experiencing similar feelings.
It might be helpful to find an opportunity to discuss the fears surrounding cancer together, as mutual support can be more comforting than facing this alone.
At this stage, there's no need to force yourself to smile.
When you genuinely feel at ease, your smile will naturally return.
What’s more important right now is to be there for your mother as she navigates her anxiety and uncertainty, providing her with support and motivation during her treatment.

Reply Date: 2016/10/20

More Info

Coping with the emotional turmoil following a loved one's cancer diagnosis can be incredibly challenging, especially when that loved one is a parent. Your feelings of sadness, anger, and helplessness are entirely normal reactions to such distressing news. It's important to acknowledge that while you may understand the statistics and the potential for recovery, the emotional impact of the diagnosis can still weigh heavily on you.

Firstly, it's crucial to recognize that your emotions are valid. The fear of losing a loved one, even when the prognosis is good, can trigger a range of feelings, including anxiety and grief. You might feel a sense of loss for the future you envisioned with your mother, and that can be overwhelming. The tears you shed are a natural response to the stress and uncertainty that comes with a cancer diagnosis.

Here are some strategies that might help you cope with your emotions during this difficult time:
1. Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to cry and express your feelings. Bottling up emotions can lead to greater distress. Find a safe space where you can let your emotions out, whether that's in your room, during a walk, or while talking to a trusted friend.

2. Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can be incredibly therapeutic. Whether it's a friend, family member, or counselor, talking about your fears and concerns can help alleviate some of the emotional burden.

3. Educate Yourself: While you may already have researched breast cancer, continuing to educate yourself about the disease, treatment options, and recovery can empower you. Knowledge can help reduce fear and anxiety, allowing you to feel more in control.

4. Practice Self-Care: Make sure to take care of your own physical and emotional needs. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it's reading, exercising, or spending time with friends. Taking care of yourself will help you be more present and supportive for your mother.

5. Set Boundaries: If you feel that your emotions might overwhelm your mother, it's okay to set boundaries. You can choose to share your feelings with others rather than with her, ensuring that she feels supported without taking on your worries.

6. Seek Professional Help: If your feelings of sadness and anxiety persist, consider speaking with a mental health professional. They can provide you with coping strategies tailored to your situation and help you navigate your emotions in a healthy way.

7. Focus on the Positive: While it's important to acknowledge your fears, try to focus on the positive aspects of your mother's situation. The fact that her cancer is in the early stages and has a high cure rate is a significant point of hope. Celebrate small victories in her treatment journey.

8. Create a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand what you're going through. Sometimes, just knowing that others are there for you can provide comfort.

9. Engage in Mindfulness or Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga can help reduce anxiety and promote emotional well-being. These techniques can help you stay grounded and focused.

10. Stay Connected: Even if you're away at school, maintain regular communication with your mother. A simple text or phone call can reassure both of you and strengthen your bond during this challenging time.

Remember, it's okay to seek help and support for yourself as you navigate this emotional landscape. Your feelings are a natural response to a difficult situation, and taking steps to care for your emotional health is essential not only for you but also for your mother. By addressing your emotions, you can better support her through her treatment and recovery.

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