Struggling with Identity: A Mental Health Professional's Descent - Psychiatry

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It sounds like you're going through a very challenging and complex situation, both personally and professionally. Your feelings of being labeled as "the abandoned woman" and the subsequent reactions from your colleagues and patients are understandably distressing. It's important to recognize that your experiences and emotions are valid, and seeking help is a crucial step in addressing these feelings.

From what you've described, it seems that your work environment has become a source of significant stress and emotional turmoil. The comments from your colleagues, particularly the derogatory ones, can contribute to feelings of shame and inadequacy. This kind of workplace bullying can have a profound impact on mental health, leading to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and even depression. It's essential to address these feelings and the environment that fosters them.

Your interest in the patients' histories and your enjoyment in sharing their stories may initially seem like a way to connect with them, but it could also be a coping mechanism for your own feelings of inadequacy or distress. It's not uncommon for mental health professionals to experience a blurring of boundaries between their personal and professional lives, especially in high-stress environments. However, it's crucial to maintain a professional distance to avoid emotional burnout and to ensure that your own mental health needs are being met.

The fact that you are considering applying for disability benefits and feeling envious of the patients' seemingly carefree lives indicates that you may be struggling with your identity and self-worth. It's essential to understand that seeking help and support does not equate to failure or "falling into" a patient role. Rather, it reflects a healthy acknowledgment of your current struggles and a desire to improve your situation.

You mentioned feeling like you might be "falling into" the role of a patient yourself. This concern is valid, especially if you find yourself identifying more with the patients than with your professional role. It's crucial to differentiate between empathy for your patients and allowing their experiences to overshadow your own identity and well-being. Engaging in self-care practices, seeking therapy, and discussing your feelings with a trusted colleague or supervisor can help you regain a sense of balance.

In terms of your professional identity, it may be beneficial to explore what aspects of your work you find fulfilling and how you can reconnect with those elements. Consider seeking supervision or mentorship to help navigate these feelings and to gain perspective on your professional role. Additionally, engaging in activities outside of work that bring you joy and fulfillment can help reinforce your identity outside of your job.

Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Seeking therapy or counseling can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work through the challenges you're facing. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve support as you navigate this difficult period in your life.