Overcoming Social Anxiety at Work: Tips for Building Connections

How to integrate into social interactions with colleagues?

I am someone who can lighten the mood at social gatherings, but in everyday life, I struggle to engage in conversations with others, which results in few people reaching out to me.
I am very sensitive to how others perceive me and their actions.
I often feel like a lone wolf, and indeed I am, as I lack a social group.
Recently, a minor incident caused a colleague, with whom I had a good relationship, to stop talking to me and even tell others that he would no longer communicate with me.
This has deeply affected me.
I feel very low every day, especially when I see him laughing and chatting with others, which only worsens my mood.
I have seen a doctor who diagnosed me with anxiety disorder.
I have been on medication for about two months, but my condition has not improved; in fact, I feel even more depressed.
Every time a holiday ends and I have to return to work, I experience intense fear and aversion, not wanting to go back.
Doctor, is my issue related to anxiety disorder? I would greatly appreciate your response.
Thank you very much for your time.

Baicai, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/12/01

Dr. Su Zongwei reply Psychiatry

This cannot be determined; please discuss your questions in detail with your physician to find out.

Reply Date: 2016/12/01

More Info

Overcoming social anxiety, especially in the workplace, can be a challenging journey, but it is certainly achievable with the right strategies and support. Your experience of feeling like a "lone wolf" while also being able to engage in social settings like parties highlights the complexity of social anxiety. It’s common for individuals to feel comfortable in certain social situations while struggling in others, particularly in more structured environments like work.

Understanding Your Anxiety
From your description, it seems that your anxiety is exacerbated by the fear of judgment and the perceived social dynamics at play in your workplace. This is a hallmark of social anxiety disorder (SAD), where individuals often worry excessively about being scrutinized or negatively evaluated by others. The incident with your colleague, where a previously friendly relationship soured, can significantly impact your self-esteem and amplify feelings of isolation and anxiety.

Building Connections at Work
1. Focus on Small Interactions: Start by initiating brief conversations with colleagues. This could be as simple as commenting on the weather or asking about their weekend. These small interactions can help build your confidence over time.

2. Practice Active Listening: When you do engage in conversations, focus on being an active listener. This means paying attention to what the other person is saying and responding thoughtfully. This can take the pressure off you to constantly come up with topics to discuss.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming to become the life of the party, set small, achievable goals for yourself. For instance, aim to speak to one new person each week or to engage in a brief conversation with a colleague you usually avoid.

4. Seek Common Interests: Find common ground with your colleagues. This could be shared interests in hobbies, sports, or even work-related topics. Having a mutual interest can make conversations flow more naturally.

5. Join Group Activities: If your workplace offers team-building activities or social events, consider participating. These settings can provide a more relaxed atmosphere for interaction and can help you connect with colleagues in a less formal context.

6. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help reduce overall anxiety levels and improve your emotional resilience.

7. Professional Support: Since you mentioned that you are already seeing a doctor and taking medication, consider discussing your ongoing feelings of anxiety and depression with them. It might be beneficial to explore therapy options, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which is particularly effective for social anxiety. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies and challenge negative thought patterns.

8. Journaling: Keeping a journal can be a therapeutic way to express your feelings and reflect on your experiences. Writing about your interactions, what went well, and what you found challenging can provide insights and help you track your progress.

9. Be Kind to Yourself: Remember that overcoming social anxiety is a process that takes time. Celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself. It’s okay to have setbacks; what matters is your commitment to keep trying.

Conclusion
Your feelings of anxiety and the impact of social dynamics at work are valid and deserve attention. By taking small steps to engage with your colleagues and seeking professional help, you can gradually build your confidence and improve your workplace relationships. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and many people experience similar challenges. With persistence and the right support, you can overcome these obstacles and create a more fulfilling work environment for yourself.

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