Overcoming Anxiety and Self-Doubt: Finding Confidence in Decision-Making

I experience rapid mood swings and often find myself overthinking?

Hello, since I was a child, I have always been a person who thinks a lot, and even as an adult, I find it easy to rely on my family.
During the four years I lived in the university dormitory, I felt very confident because I had to rely entirely on myself.
However, after graduating and returning home, I started to depend on my family again, and I became hesitant to make decisions on my own.
The first two years were manageable, but this past year, it has become increasingly severe.

My last job was in the service industry; although it was tiring, I was relatively happy.
However, due to colleagues being unable to tolerate the pressure, I eventually chose to leave.
Now, I am working as an office assistant, and after two months, I have made mistakes almost every day, which has left me feeling very frustrated and completely lacking in confidence.

There is an informal company rule that if you make a mistake, you have to buy drinks.
Although my boss said I wouldn't be penalized for mistakes made in the first two months, the constant joking makes me feel like I have made numerous errors.
These small disappointments have turned into overwhelming pressure, causing me to cry when I get home.
I find it increasingly difficult to smile at work; whenever someone calls my name, I get anxious, fearing that I have made another mistake.

My supervisor is somewhat of a perfectionist, and every time I am assigned a task I don't understand, I fear being reprimanded for not being detail-oriented enough.
As a result, when my supervisor interrupts my work with questions, I find it increasingly hard to concentrate.
Just hearing my name makes me tense up, and I struggle to perform well.

Yesterday, while chatting with my sister, she mentioned that I have low stress tolerance and become overly fearful of making small mistakes.
However, I didn't feel this way in my previous job.
Now, I am so scared that whenever someone from the company tells me I've made a mistake (even in my personal life), I feel like I've committed a grave offense and that I am a terrible person.
I often think that I shouldn't have put others in a position to deal with my mistakes.

At home, I frequently ask my parents for their opinions on everything and hesitate to make decisions on my own.
My sister believes I am too dependent on my family because of my fear of making mistakes.
How can I stop magnifying what others consider small issues to the point where I come home and break down in tears? Thank you.

Pei Pei Er, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/12/24

Dr. Zhang Gengjia reply Psychiatry

Dear Sir/Madam,
Thank you for your message.
Based on your description, it is clear that you are experiencing discomfort related to your emotional state.
The symptoms of intrusive thoughts often accompany feelings of uncertainty and may even lead to obsessive thoughts.
A classic depiction of obsessive-compulsive disorder can be found in Shakespeare's play "Macbeth," where Lady Macbeth is tormented by the compulsion to wash her hands repeatedly.
The most commonly reported compulsive behaviors include: checking, washing, counting, asking questions, confessing, creating symmetry and order, and the need for absolute correctness.
Obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors are often intertwined, as resisting intrusive thoughts can lead to corresponding compulsive actions (Kong Fan-Chung, 2000).
You mentioned that you have been suffering from this condition for a long time, and I can only imagine the pain you have endured during this time.
Our hospital has established a special outpatient clinic for psychosomatic disorders to create a therapeutic environment aimed at alleviating the suffering caused by anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

We have outpatient registration hours from Monday to Friday, both in the morning and afternoon, until 11:30 AM in the morning and 4:30 PM in the afternoon.
For consultation, you can reach us at 06-2795019 ext 1106 or 1107.
We welcome your visit and wish you mental and physical well-being.
Sincerely,
Dr.
Chang Geng-Jia
Department of Psychiatry

Reply Date: 2016/12/24

More Info

Overcoming anxiety and self-doubt, especially in the context of decision-making, can be a challenging journey, but it is certainly achievable with the right strategies and mindset. Your experience of feeling overwhelmed by the fear of making mistakes and the pressure of living up to expectations is not uncommon, especially in a work environment that emphasizes perfectionism and accountability. Here are some insights and strategies that may help you navigate through these feelings and build your confidence.

Understanding the Roots of Anxiety and Self-Doubt
1. Childhood Influences: It’s common for individuals who have relied heavily on family support to struggle with independence later in life. Your experience in college, where you felt more self-sufficient, shows that you have the capacity for confidence. However, returning home may have reignited old patterns of dependency. Recognizing this cycle is the first step toward breaking it.

2. Perfectionism: Your current work environment, where mistakes are met with jokes or criticism, can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Perfectionism often leads to a fear of failure, which can paralyze decision-making. It’s essential to understand that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growth.

3. Cognitive Distortions: The way you perceive your mistakes can lead to cognitive distortions, such as catastrophizing (believing that a small mistake is a disaster) or all-or-nothing thinking (seeing situations in black and white). These thought patterns can significantly impact your self-esteem and decision-making abilities.

Strategies for Overcoming Anxiety and Building Confidence
1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Start by identifying and challenging your negative thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m terrible at my job,” ask yourself for evidence. Have you received positive feedback? Have you successfully completed tasks in the past? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can be particularly effective in reframing these thoughts.

2. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your tasks into smaller, manageable goals. Instead of aiming for perfection, focus on completing tasks to the best of your ability. Celebrate small victories, as they can help build your confidence over time.

3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety. When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe deeply and focus on the present rather than worrying about potential mistakes.

4. Seek Feedback: Instead of fearing criticism, seek constructive feedback from your supervisor or colleagues. This can help you understand areas for improvement without feeling judged. It also opens up a dialogue that can alleviate some of the pressure you feel.

5. Limit Comparisons: It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others, especially in a competitive work environment. Focus on your journey and progress rather than measuring yourself against your peers.

6. Develop Decision-Making Skills: Start making small decisions independently, whether it’s choosing what to eat for lunch or planning your weekend. Gradually increase the complexity of the decisions you make. This practice can help you build confidence in your ability to make choices.

7. Consider Professional Help: If your anxiety and self-doubt continue to interfere with your daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage anxiety and develop a healthier self-image.

8. Engage in Self-Care: Prioritize activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s exercising, pursuing a hobby, or spending time with friends, self-care can significantly improve your mood and resilience.

Conclusion
Overcoming anxiety and self-doubt is a gradual process that requires patience and self-compassion. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and they are often the best teachers. By implementing these strategies and focusing on your strengths, you can build your confidence and improve your decision-making skills. Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support when needed. You are not alone in this, and with time and effort, you can cultivate a more positive and confident mindset.

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