Trauma: Navigating Mental Health After Disturbing Experiences

Post-trauma

During middle school, a relative in my family did something very disturbing to me, and at that time, I completely avoided contact with others.
I often experienced outbursts, crying uncontrollably, and even had thoughts of self-harm.
I thought I would be fine after entering high school, but that wasn't the case.
At night, I still think about it and cry alone.
I often have the same image in my mind and heart, which is of violently attacking that person with a knife.
Just seeing that person makes me feel disgusted.
My personality has become somewhat strange; I can act normally at school, but I easily get angry.
However, today I had an outburst at school and suddenly started crying.
Sometimes, my face makes unusual expressions, and I find myself humming or muttering words without realizing what I'm saying.
I also feel like that person is constantly trying to touch me, and whenever I come across anything related to them, I feel extremely disgusted and keep wiping my hands, yet I still feel unclean.
I'm really on the verge of a breakdown.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?

L, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/01/13

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, it's difficult to diagnose someone I've never met online.
You might want to look up "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder" and see if it resonates with your feelings.
I believe that seeing a doctor could lead to quicker improvement; otherwise, this suffering is taking up too much of your time and mental energy.
You are only 18 years old, and your beautiful life is just beginning; it shouldn't be wasted on the mistakes imposed on us by others.
If you prefer not to start with a mental health specialist, you can begin at your school's counseling office to gradually familiarize yourself with the resources available in this field.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2017/01/13

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing a range of distressing symptoms that could be related to trauma, particularly given the disturbing experience you described in your childhood. Based on your account, it seems you may be dealing with symptoms consistent with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or possibly other anxiety-related disorders.
PTSD can manifest in various ways, including intrusive thoughts or memories of the traumatic event, emotional numbness, hyperarousal (which can include irritability and anger), and avoidance behaviors. The fact that you have vivid, distressing memories and feelings related to the incident, as well as physical reactions when reminded of it, suggests that your mind is still processing this trauma. The emotional outbursts, such as crying and feeling overwhelmed, are also common in individuals who have experienced trauma.

Your description of feeling "disgusted" by the person involved and having compulsive behaviors, such as feeling the need to clean your hands after touching something related to them, could indicate that you are experiencing symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) as well. This is not uncommon in individuals who have experienced trauma, as the mind may develop compulsive behaviors as a way to cope with the anxiety and distress associated with the memories.

It is important to understand that these symptoms are not uncommon for someone who has experienced a traumatic event, and they do not reflect a personal failing or weakness. Trauma can have profound effects on mental health, and it is crucial to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide a proper assessment and diagnosis.

In terms of treatment, there are several non-pharmacological approaches that can be very effective for trauma-related symptoms. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most widely used therapies for PTSD and anxiety disorders. It helps individuals reframe negative thought patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Exposure therapy, a specific type of CBT, can also be beneficial, as it gradually exposes individuals to the memories or triggers of their trauma in a safe and controlled environment, helping them to process and reduce their fear response.

Another effective approach is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which has been shown to be effective for individuals with PTSD. EMDR involves processing traumatic memories while engaging in bilateral stimulation, such as guided eye movements, which can help reduce the emotional charge of those memories.

Mindfulness and relaxation techniques can also be beneficial in managing anxiety and emotional distress. Practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help ground you in the present moment and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Support groups can also provide a sense of community and understanding, allowing you to connect with others who have had similar experiences. Sharing your story in a safe environment can be a powerful step towards healing.

Given the complexity of your symptoms and the impact they are having on your daily life, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. A mental health professional can work with you to develop a tailored treatment plan that addresses your specific needs and helps you navigate the challenges you are facing. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there is support available to help you heal and regain control over your life.

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