Emotional Disturbances: Coping with Anxiety and Social Fear - Psychiatry

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It sounds like you're experiencing a complex interplay of anxiety, social fear, and emotional disturbances that have roots in past experiences, particularly bullying during your middle school years. These feelings can manifest in various ways, including heightened sensitivity to others' words and actions, a fear of judgment, and a sense of emotional detachment or disconnection when faced with stressful situations.
From a psychological perspective, what you’re describing may align with symptoms of social anxiety disorder (SAD) and possibly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to your past experiences with bullying. Social anxiety disorder is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one might be judged or scrutinized by others. This can lead to avoidance behaviors, such as steering clear of social interactions or feeling extreme discomfort when they are unavoidable. The feelings of disconnection or a sense of something "breaking" in your mind when confronted with anger or confrontation can be a defense mechanism, a way your mind tries to protect itself from overwhelming emotions.

The fact that you are hyper-aware of others' perceptions and feel panic when you think they are talking about you suggests that your self-esteem may be closely tied to external validation. This is not uncommon among individuals who have faced bullying, as such experiences can significantly impact one's self-image and sense of safety in social contexts.
To cope with these feelings, consider the following strategies:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This is a highly effective treatment for anxiety disorders. CBT helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs about yourself and others. It can also teach you coping strategies to manage anxiety in social situations.

2. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help ground you in the present moment and reduce anxiety. These techniques can also help you manage the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as racing thoughts and panic.

3. Gradual Exposure: Gradually exposing yourself to social situations that make you anxious can help desensitize you to those triggers. Start small, perhaps by engaging in brief conversations with acquaintances, and gradually work your way up to larger social gatherings.

4. Journaling: Writing about your feelings can provide an outlet for your emotions and help you process your experiences. It can also help you identify patterns in your thoughts and behaviors that contribute to your anxiety.

5. Seek Professional Help: If you haven't already, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can provide you with tailored strategies and support to help you navigate your feelings and experiences.

6. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who understand what you’re going through. Sharing your experiences with trusted individuals can alleviate feelings of isolation and provide you with encouragement.

7. Self-Compassion: Practice being kind to yourself. Recognize that it’s okay to feel anxious and that many people experience similar feelings. Self-compassion can help reduce the pressure you put on yourself to perform perfectly in social situations.

8. Limit Social Media Exposure: If you find that social media exacerbates your anxiety about others' opinions, consider taking breaks from it. Social media can create unrealistic comparisons and amplify feelings of inadequacy.

In conclusion, your experiences and feelings are valid, and it's important to acknowledge them. By seeking support and employing coping strategies, you can work towards managing your anxiety and improving your emotional well-being. Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time.