Social Anxiety: Coping with Negative Thoughts and Stress

Q: Social Anxiety: Coping with Negative Thoughts and Stress

Hello Miss Annie： Based on your description, it seems that you have experienced a lack of confidence, excessive worry, and interpersonal difficulties since childhood. <br>If these traits are part of a long-standing personality characteristic, they may be related to your constitut

Interpersonal stress, negative thoughts?

Hello, doctor.
I am currently in college.
Since I was young (as far back as I can remember), I have been very troubled by interpersonal issues.
I am afraid to talk to others and often don't know what to say.
I really want to initiate conversations with my classmates, but I don't know what to say.
I fear that everyone will dislike my personality or not want to talk to me.
I have hardly interacted with my classmates, and I constantly feel that everyone is looking at me with disdain because I am not good at anything—my grades are poor, I am not athletic, and I feel clumsy and incompetent.
I feel out of place and believe that everyone dislikes or mocks me.
I am very sensitive; even a casual gesture or glance from someone makes me think they are discussing or ridiculing me.
I am anxious and nervous every day, and I dread when teachers divide us into groups.
When the teacher asks those assigned to a group to raise their hands, I feel very nervous and embarrassed, thinking everyone is laughing at me for having no friends or companions.
I don't dare to participate in outdoor activities organized by the school because I would be alone.
I am constantly tense and feel uncomfortable seeing classmates together while I am by myself.
Sometimes, I even avoid walking out of the classroom for fear that classmates will see me alone.
I feel on edge every day, which is exhausting and painful.

Every moment, I have a barrage of uncontrollable negative thoughts, such as constantly worrying about getting cancer or failing in life.
I am always monitoring myself for any signs of illness, and my life feels very tense.
I worry about what will happen when I enter the workforce—will I be unable to find a job? Will I have no money to live on? There are so many uncertainties that I can't stop thinking about.
I feel very anxious and tired every day, and I have started to question the meaning of life.
I find myself inexplicably wanting to cry or crying over trivial matters without being able to articulate why; I just feel overwhelmed by stress.
I don't know what to do and feel helpless.
My life revolves around school and home, and I worry every day about what might happen when I return home.
Everyone in my family is working, and I am the only one without a job.
My father disapproves of people who are unemployed, making me feel worthless and useless.
I am afraid to go outside, fearing their judgment.
Most of the time, I hide in my room to avoid being seen.
I am very anxious and don't dare to go out; life feels exhausting and tense, and I want to cry.
What should I do? Is it possible that I have some kind of illness, or am I just overthinking and unable to manage my emotions? I do not have sleep issues; I love to sleep, and my appetite is normal.
I just live in a state of constant tension and worry, and sometimes when I can't control my emotional stress, I feel physically unwell.

Annie, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/03/08

Dr. Dai Wanxiang reply Psychiatry

Hello Miss Annie: Based on your description, it seems that you have experienced a lack of confidence, excessive worry, and interpersonal difficulties since childhood.
If these traits are part of a long-standing personality characteristic, they may be related to your constitution, temperament, and upbringing.
However, it also appears that there are signs of worsening sensitivity, vulnerability, excessive anxiety, tension, and depression.
Due to the limitations of online communication, whether these are inherent personality traits or symptoms of depression and anxiety that have developed later, if they are increasingly impacting your life, it is advisable to seek professional assistance from a mental health specialist, including medication, psychotherapy, and community resources.
Wishing you well.

Reply Date: 2017/03/08

More Info

It sounds like you are experiencing significant social anxiety and distress, which can be incredibly challenging, especially as a college student. Your feelings of fear, self-doubt, and the overwhelming pressure to interact with others are common among individuals dealing with social anxiety disorder (SAD). This condition can lead to a cycle of negative thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to break.

Social anxiety often manifests as an intense fear of being judged or scrutinized by others, which can lead to avoidance behaviors, such as not participating in group activities or avoiding social situations altogether. This avoidance can reinforce feelings of isolation and inadequacy, making it even harder to engage with peers. Your concerns about how others perceive you, coupled with the belief that you are not good enough, can create a toxic cycle of anxiety and negative self-talk.

It's important to recognize that many people experience similar feelings, and you are not alone in this struggle. The first step in coping with social anxiety is to acknowledge your feelings and understand that they are valid. Here are some strategies that may help you manage your anxiety and improve your social interactions:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This is a highly effective treatment for social anxiety. CBT focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns and beliefs. A therapist can help you reframe your thoughts about social situations and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

2. Gradual Exposure: Start by gradually exposing yourself to social situations that make you anxious. This could be as simple as making small talk with a classmate or participating in a group discussion. The key is to take small steps and gradually increase your exposure to more challenging situations.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce anxiety. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help calm your mind and body, making it easier to face social situations.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you notice negative thoughts creeping in, try to challenge them. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these thoughts or if they are based on assumptions. Often, our fears are exaggerated and not reflective of reality.

5. Build a Support Network: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide encouragement and understanding. Sharing your experiences with others can help alleviate feelings of isolation and provide you with a sense of belonging.

6. Professional Help: If your anxiety feels overwhelming, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide you with tailored strategies and support to help you navigate your feelings and improve your mental health.

7. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone has their struggles, and it's okay to feel anxious. Practicing self-compassion can help reduce feelings of shame and inadequacy.

8. Limit Social Media: Sometimes, social media can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Consider taking breaks from social media to focus on real-life interactions and reduce comparisons with others.

9. Physical Activity: Regular exercise can significantly reduce anxiety levels. Engaging in physical activity releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and overall well-being.

10. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in social situations, set achievable goals. Celebrate small victories, such as initiating a conversation or attending a social event, even if it feels uncomfortable.

In conclusion, it’s crucial to understand that your feelings of anxiety and distress are not a reflection of your worth. You are not alone in this journey, and there are effective strategies and resources available to help you cope with social anxiety. By taking small steps and seeking support, you can gradually build your confidence and improve your social interactions. Remember, it's okay to ask for help, and taking that step can be a significant part of your healing process.

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