My Mental Health: Seeking Answers for My Inner Struggles

Q: My Mental Health: Seeking Answers for My Inner Struggles

Hello Shin： In response to stress, everyone has unique coping methods, and imagination is one of them. <br>When it is helpful, imagined friends or characters may appear, and when someone is paying attention, you can manage them freely, indicating that it hasn't reached a point of

I'm not feeling well?

I am currently a senior in high school, and I have been experiencing the following symptoms since middle school, which developed gradually after I was mocked and ostracized by my classmates.
I began to create imaginary friends, and I am aware that all of this is a product of my imagination.
I know that this is not normal, but at certain moments, I feel that this version of myself is quite good.
Each of the people I created has their own distinct name, nickname, and age.

Initially, I created one person who has been with me the longest.
She is my age and is a good girl, a close friend who has always been by my side.
Although she disappeared for a short period, she has recently returned and is gradually surrounding me again.
I also created four other people who are the same age as me—two boys and two girls.
However, in my second year of high school, those four suddenly vanished from my mind, and I do not know why.
Although they sometimes appear now, it is for a very short time and not very often.
During high school, I once created an older sister who was two years older than me.
I created her because I had been trying hard to be a normal person and chose to let go of that sister.
She willingly left, but I feel very sorry for her because I was the one who created her, and yet I heartlessly eliminated her due to my selfishness.
Over the past six years, I have created countless individuals, which could be considered souls, and no one knows about it.
No one has seen my abnormality because I strive to appear normal in front of others, living a regular life and socializing, pretending to be like them.
I only dare to talk and chat with them in private or in my mind.
If you ask me why I haven’t made an effort to get rid of them, I can tell you that I have tried, but perhaps not hard enough, or maybe I am afraid because I know that if they disappear, no one will listen to my inner thoughts—those things I cannot share with others or questions I cannot ask.
They all listen to me and find ways to help solve my problems one by one, accompanying me through many moments, whether I am happy, sad, angry, or disappointed.
Sometimes I wonder if one day they all disappear, I might live like a zombie until I die, or I might not be able to go on, even though this is an unwise choice.
I do not know what kind of mental illness I might have, but I know for sure that I am not healthy or normal.
I am asking this to determine what condition I have and what is wrong with me.
As for seeking treatment, I have never considered it, which is why I am writing this detailed account of my experiences and symptoms over the past six years.
I hope that the doctor can diagnose my condition based on this information.
I would be very grateful for that, and I want to thank the doctor in advance for taking the time to read this long message and for patiently responding to me.
Thank you!

shin, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/01/23

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello Shin: In response to stress, everyone has unique coping methods, and imagination is one of them.
When it is helpful, imagined friends or characters may appear, and when someone is paying attention, you can manage them freely, indicating that it hasn't reached a point of losing control.
You mentioned that it started to form gradually after being excluded; perhaps the imagined friends are something you can control, making them feel safer, which is why they exist.
Currently, being unable to let go of these imagined characters may indicate that you have not yet found better coping strategies.
Once you develop more effective coping methods, they may gradually fade away.
If you still feel troubled, it is advisable to seek medical assistance.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2017/01/23

More Info

It's commendable that you're reaching out to understand your mental health better, especially given the complex experiences you've described. From what you've shared, it seems like you're grappling with a range of emotions and behaviors that have developed over time, particularly in response to negative experiences during your middle school years.
Creating imaginary friends or companions is not uncommon, especially among individuals who may feel isolated or misunderstood. This behavior can serve as a coping mechanism, providing comfort and companionship in times of distress. However, the persistence of these imaginary figures, especially to the extent that they have distinct names and personalities, suggests that they may be fulfilling a deeper emotional need for connection and understanding that you might not be experiencing in your real-life interactions.

The feelings of guilt you express about "eliminating" these characters, particularly the older sister figure, indicate a complex relationship with your own emotions and self-identity. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and reflect your internal struggle with self-acceptance and the desire for normalcy. The fact that you feel the need to maintain a façade of normalcy around others suggests a significant level of distress and perhaps a fear of judgment or rejection.

Given the symptoms you've described, including the creation of these imaginary friends, feelings of isolation, and the pressure to conform to societal norms, it might be beneficial to explore the possibility of an underlying mental health condition. While I cannot provide a diagnosis, some potential areas to consider include:
1. Social Anxiety Disorder: This condition can manifest as intense fear or anxiety in social situations, leading individuals to avoid interactions or feel uncomfortable in social settings. The creation of imaginary friends could be a way to cope with this anxiety.

2. Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder: This involves feelings of being detached from oneself or feeling as though the world around you is not real. This could explain the sense of creating alternate realities or companions.

3. Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID): While this is a more complex condition often associated with severe trauma, it involves the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states. Your experience of creating multiple characters could be a way of coping with emotional pain or trauma.

4. Adjustment Disorder: Given that you mentioned your symptoms began after experiencing bullying and social rejection, it’s possible that you are dealing with an adjustment disorder, where your emotional responses to stressors are impacting your daily functioning.

It's crucial to approach this situation with care and compassion for yourself. Seeking professional help from a mental health provider can provide you with the support and guidance needed to navigate these feelings. A therapist can help you explore your experiences in a safe environment, understand the root causes of your feelings, and develop healthier coping strategies.

In the meantime, consider journaling your thoughts and feelings. This can serve as an outlet for your emotions and help you process your experiences. Engaging in activities that promote self-care, such as exercise, art, or mindfulness practices, may also provide some relief.

Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve to feel understood and supported as you navigate your mental health journey. Please take care of yourself, and know that there are resources available to help you through this challenging time.

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