Overcoming OCD: Seeking Strength and Guidance for a Healthier Life - Psychiatry

Hello, doctor. I need energy to fight against obsessive-compulsive disorder. Please give me advice and strength?

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Hello, doctor.
I am a patient with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) living in Tainan City.
I am 35 years old and unmarried, but I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 16 years.
Currently, I am unemployed and at home.
I really want to get a stable job and start a family like a normal person.
I have many symptoms.
In terms of work, for over a decade, I worked alongside my girlfriend to earn money.
Although I experienced OCD-related distress at work, such as repeatedly checking the company's plugs and other safety issues, I did not seek medication treatment due to a lack of insight into my condition.

In the past 2-3 years, for various reasons, my girlfriend and I have finally separated and are working independently.
I suddenly became very concerned about any minor workplace safety issues that could endanger my life.
Consequently, I have changed jobs many times recently, often working only one day before quitting because I obsessively worry about those minor safety concerns.

Psychologically, I frequently experience blasphemous thoughts and images that violate moral ethics, which lead me into panic.
The most distressing part is my intense fear of any small health issue in my body, which leads me to worry and fantasize about having cancer.
This has resulted in repeatedly visiting doctors and undergoing tests.
If any part of the testing process does not meet my expectations, I feel compelled to seek re-evaluation.
Moreover, I record the doctor's reassurance that I am healthy as evidence because I fear that I might wake up the next day and doubt whether the doctor really told me I was fine.
In summary, I do not allow myself to feel at ease; I keep digging into problems and worrying excessively.
Currently, my biggest challenge is that I once secretly visited adult entertainment venues while hiding it from my girlfriend.
I became consumed with the fear of contracting HIV, which I worried about for many years.
Finally, 2-3 years ago, I went to a medical testing center to get tested for HIV.
I underwent intensive testing at several facilities, totaling 6-7 tests, all of which came back negative, which relieved me.
Of course, I kept the test reports as evidence.
Last year, I mustered the courage to confess to my girlfriend about my past visits to such venues, and she forgave me.
However, I still feel guilty and began to worry that touching anything red might lead to HIV infection.
Therefore, in the second half of last year, I went to three medical testing centers for three more HIV tests, which, unsurprisingly, were all negative.
Recently, I came across a medical article stating that a certain medical institution in Taiwan was using reused syringes, leading to patients contracting hepatitis C.
This terrifying report triggered my imagination, and I started to wonder if the testing centers I had previously visited might have used reused syringes, potentially exposing me to HIV.
Even more frightening thoughts crossed my mind, such as whether unscrupulous testing centers were colluding with HIV pharmaceutical companies to spread the virus, especially targeting customers who already suspected they might be infected.
After all, these customers already have doubts, and even if they were not infected initially, they could be falsely diagnosed due to the testing centers' actions.
My coping mechanism has been to ensure that the medical technician used a brand-new needle at the time of testing, which gives me some reassurance.
However, I did not pay attention to this detail back then.
In other words, my OCD was not severe enough at that time to worry about these issues.
The testing centers I visited were chosen based on Google searches or by recognizing their signs while out and about.
To simplify my approach, I decided to disregard the 6-7 tests from 2-3 years ago.
Even if my fears were true and I had contracted HIV from a syringe, I could rely on the three negative tests from last year to validate my health.

But how can I verify that I was not infected during those three tests last year? It's simple: I could just write or call the testing centers to inquire.
Regardless of what they say, I would trust their response.
After asking two centers and receiving reassuring answers, I prepared to contact the last one.
Suddenly, I posed a challenging question to myself: Did I really only get tested at those three centers last year? What if I had forgotten about a fourth one? No matter how I think about it, I only remember three centers, and my reports only reflect those three.
But what if I did forget about a fourth center?
I later concluded that the only solution would be for my girlfriend to accompany me for another test, allowing her to verify whether a new needle was used.
This new test could serve as validation for last year's tests.
Since my girlfriend's presence would provide assurance, I wouldn't need further validation.
However, I have no intention of executing this final plan because my girlfriend and I have recently agreed that I should not undergo any more blood tests and let things unfold naturally.
I have already returned to see a psychiatrist and am following a regular medication regimen.
Although I have seen psychiatrists many times before and given up, this time I am determined to overcome my OCD for the future.
My psychiatrist has also advised against further blood tests, and many OCD treatment books emphasize that confronting fears without reacting is crucial for recovery.

So, is resisting further blood tests the best and only way to combat my OCD? Although I currently feel extreme anxiety from not being able to undergo blood tests, is it truly possible to endure this intense anxiety? Please, doctor, give me the mental strength to have confidence in overcoming this extreme anxiety and conquering my OCD.
My girlfriend has seriously told me that my worries are all baseless fantasies and that I should ignore them.
Otherwise, I will lack the ability to cope with real-life challenges in the future.
She also pointed out that no one worries about HIV, gets tested, and then turns around to worry about being infected during the testing process.
If I view things through my lens, wouldn't most people's HIV test results also be deemed untrustworthy? She urges me to wake up and see the world clearly.
Finally, I deeply thank you, doctor.

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A Lun, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/08/06