Behavioral Regression in Toddlers: A Mother's Perspective

Q: Behavioral Regression in Toddlers: A Mother's Perspective

Hello, Jiebao's mom： The situation you described could indeed be a reason for your older child's behavioral regression. <br>At just two years and two months old, he may not have the capacity to understand why, after the birth of his sister and his grandmother's surgery, the world

The behavior of the child seems to be regressing?

Hello Dr.
Liang, I am a full-time mother of twins.
My younger child is a girl, 10 months old, and she is very attached to me! My older child is 2 years and 2 months old, and when I ask him to do something he doesn't want to, he simply says "no." I understand that this is a stage of autonomy where he begins to have his own thoughts and opinions.
However, for the past month or so, he has been waking up crying 1 to 2 times every night, repeatedly saying "no, no!" My mother-in-law thinks he might be scared and suggested a traditional remedy, but I believe the issue might be related to the arrival of his sister.
Since she was born, the entire family has focused their attention on her, and even his grandfather only plays with her.
When my son teases his sister, we tell him not to, but if he escalates, we show our anger or swat his hand.
Sometimes he even imitates his sister by crawling on the floor or constantly asking to be held.
Additionally, his grandmother, who used to dote on him, had surgery on both legs in early September and is unable to stand for long or hold him comfortably.
My husband doesn't understand children well, so he isn't very good at comforting or caring for them, and after a long day at work, he has less patience and spends less time with them.
When my son misbehaves, my husband often threatens to discipline him after just a couple of warnings, which makes both children very attached to me and less likely to seek out their father.
I’ve noticed that since my mother had surgery and could no longer hold him, he has developed this nighttime crying behavior, always calling for me to pat him to sleep.
He insists that only I can soothe him, and my husband’s attempts to comfort him are ineffective.
While I’m trying to calm him, my husband sometimes foolishly suggests that if he cries, he should be punished by standing outside, which only makes my son cry louder and wakes up my daughter, driving me to the brink of collapse.
So I would like to ask the doctor for any solutions.
Thank you.

Jie Bao Ma, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/10/14

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello, Jiebao's mom: The situation you described could indeed be a reason for your older child's behavioral regression.
At just two years and two months old, he may not have the capacity to understand why, after the birth of his sister and his grandmother's surgery, the world no longer revolves around him.
When he cries out in protest, it may lead to punishment instead of understanding.
He might be trying to imitate his sister's crawling because he believes that by doing so, he can receive as much care and attention as she does (he subjectively feels that she is favored over him).
His desire to be held is also a manifestation of wanting more attention from his parents.
It must be very challenging for you as a mother, caught in the middle.

I suggest that adults first adjust their own emotions; when under significant stress, it's important to have personal coping mechanisms.
Taking care of yourself is essential, as your well-being will positively impact your child.
Additionally, it's crucial to fully understand your child's feelings and recognize that he currently lacks self-control.
With this understanding, it will be easier to manage your own reactions and not become angry with him.
When your child seeks your attention, try to respond to his needs as much as possible.
Remember to praise him when he behaves well and allows you to care for his sister.

Furthermore, I recommend setting aside specific times each day for one-on-one interaction with your older child to help build his sense of security and confidence.
As for your husband, I suggest gradually practicing enjoyable interactions with the child, as this should facilitate quicker improvements in behavior.

Reply Date: 2017/10/14

More Info

Understanding behavioral regression in toddlers, especially in the context of a mother's perspective, requires a nuanced approach that considers the emotional and developmental needs of the child. From your description, it seems that your older son, who is 2 years and 2 months old, is experiencing some behavioral challenges that may be linked to the arrival of his younger sister and the changes in family dynamics that have ensued.

Firstly, it is important to recognize that regression in behavior is quite common in toddlers, particularly when they are faced with significant changes in their environment, such as the birth of a sibling. This can manifest in various ways, including increased clinginess, crying, and a desire for more attention from parents. Your son’s nighttime awakenings and cries for you suggest that he may be feeling insecure or anxious about the changes happening around him, particularly with the shift in attention from him to his younger sister.

The fact that your son is expressing his feelings by saying "no" and displaying behaviors such as wanting to be held or mimicking his sister's actions indicates that he is trying to assert his independence while also seeking comfort. This is a normal part of toddler development, as they begin to explore their autonomy but still rely heavily on parental support for emotional security.

Given that your mother has recently undergone surgery and is unable to provide the same level of physical comfort and attention to your son, it is understandable that he may feel a sense of loss or confusion. Children often react to changes in their caregiving environment, and the absence of his grandmother's usual support may have contributed to his increased need for reassurance from you.

Here are some strategies that may help address your son's behavioral regression and improve the overall family dynamic:
1. Consistent Routines: Establishing a predictable daily routine can provide your son with a sense of security. Knowing what to expect can help reduce anxiety and make him feel more in control.

2. Quality Time: Carve out special one-on-one time with your son, even if it's just for a few minutes each day. This can help him feel valued and reassured that he is still an important part of your life, despite the attention given to his sister.

3. Involve Him: Encourage your son to participate in caring for his sister in age-appropriate ways. This can help him feel included and may reduce feelings of jealousy. For example, he can help fetch diapers or sing to her.

4. Positive Reinforcement: Praise your son for positive behaviors, especially when he shows patience or kindness towards his sister. This can reinforce good behavior and help him feel more secure in his role as an older brother.

5. Addressing Nighttime Fears: If your son is waking up at night and crying for you, consider implementing a calming bedtime routine that includes reading, singing, or gentle rocking. This can help him feel more secure as he falls asleep.

6. Communication: Talk to your son about his feelings. Even at a young age, children can understand simple explanations. Let him know that it’s okay to feel upset or jealous and that you love him just as much.

7. Involve Your Partner: It’s crucial for your husband to be involved in comforting and caring for your son. Encourage him to engage in activities that your son enjoys, which can help build their bond and provide you with some relief.

8. Seek Support: If the situation does not improve or worsens, consider seeking advice from a pediatrician or child psychologist. They can provide tailored strategies and support for your family’s specific needs.

In conclusion, behavioral regression in toddlers is often a response to changes in their environment and emotional landscape. By providing consistent support, reassurance, and opportunities for involvement, you can help your son navigate this challenging phase while fostering a positive family dynamic. Remember that patience and understanding are key, and it’s perfectly normal for both you and your children to experience adjustments during this time.

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