I feel like I'm losing control?
I am currently a senior in high school.
Since we were divided into classes in the first year, my class has become very noisy, not just because of the increasing pressure as we approach the university entrance exams.
Since the first year, I have often felt very anxious in this extremely noisy environment.
There was even a time in my second year when I cried just thinking about the upcoming exams and took a leave of absence from school.
I often have violent thoughts; I know I shouldn't act on them, but I really want to make those noisy people disappear.
I've had these thoughts for a long time, from my first year to my third year, and they tend to resurface periodically.
Usually, after these thoughts settle down, I can happily interact with my classmates for a while, but then I become very depressed and start to question the meaning of my existence.
I have been stuck in this cycle since my first year.
Most of the time, I have extreme self-loathing and feel like I'm not good enough, whether in academics or interpersonal relationships.
My state of mind is very extreme; I can suddenly become very diligent and then suddenly give up on everything.
I no longer care about things I used to enjoy.
I apologize if this is a bit incoherent; I feel very frustrated, both with myself and with everything else.
Ty, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/12/23
Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry
Hello, Ty: I remember when I was in high school, I also felt a lot of pressure from my studies, and it was quite similar.
Sometimes, the journey of life can be very frustrating, but you will get better, just like I did.
When a person is under a lot of stress, they may feel irritable, easily angered, and sensitive to noise, which indicates that you need to rest more.
Ensure you get enough sleep, maintain a balanced diet, and exercise regularly.
If necessary, take a break from studying, talk to someone you trust, and make good use of the resources available at your school's counseling office.
You can also visit the website of your local mental health center and schedule an appointment for therapy.
If you need medication to help manage your emotions, I recommend seeing a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
Wishing you a speedy recovery!
Reply Date: 2017/12/23
More Info
It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the feelings you are experiencing. As a high school senior, the pressures of academic performance, social dynamics, and personal expectations can be overwhelming. Your description of anxiety, dark thoughts, and feelings of self-loathing indicates that you are in a difficult emotional state that deserves attention and care.
Firstly, it's important to recognize that experiencing anxiety, especially in a noisy and chaotic environment, is a common reaction. Many students find it hard to concentrate and feel overwhelmed when surrounded by distractions, particularly when they are also facing the pressures of upcoming exams. The feelings of wanting to escape or even harm those who are causing the noise reflect a deep frustration and a sense of helplessness. It’s crucial to understand that while these thoughts may feel intense, they are a signal that you need support.
The cyclical nature of your emotions—going from periods of motivation to feelings of despair—can be indicative of underlying mental health issues, such as anxiety or depression. These conditions can manifest in various ways, including negative self-talk, feelings of worthlessness, and a lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It’s not uncommon for students to struggle with their sense of purpose and self-worth during high school, especially when faced with academic pressures and social challenges.
Given the severity of your thoughts and feelings, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. Speaking with a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate these feelings. They can help you develop coping strategies to manage your anxiety and address the dark thoughts you are experiencing. It’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that you deserve to feel better.
In addition to professional support, consider reaching out to trusted friends or family members about what you’re going through. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can provide relief and help you feel less isolated. You might also find it beneficial to engage in activities that promote relaxation and mindfulness, such as meditation, yoga, or even simple breathing exercises. These practices can help ground you and reduce feelings of anxiety.
Furthermore, it might be helpful to establish a routine that includes time for study, relaxation, and social interaction. Balancing these aspects of your life can help create a sense of stability and control. If the noise in your environment is too distracting, consider finding a quieter place to study or using noise-canceling headphones to help you focus.
Lastly, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many students experience similar feelings, and it’s okay to ask for help. Your mental health is just as important as your academic performance, and taking steps to care for yourself now can lead to a healthier and happier future.
In summary, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide you with the support you need. You are deserving of care and understanding, and there are people who want to help you through this difficult time. Take the first step towards healing by seeking help and talking about your feelings. You are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future.
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