Sexual Orientation: Navigating Confusion and Seeking Help - Psychiatry

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Sexual orientation confusion


Hello Doctor, I have clearly known since the first year of junior high that I am attracted to boys and have desires for them.
However, I feel no sexual interest in women's bodies and even have averse feelings towards them.
Is it possible that I might be bisexual? The homophobia in my family has caused me a lot of pressure, leading me to feel that I must also hide my true self at home.
Sometimes I even feel like I shouldn't be alive...
If I were to date a woman that I have feelings for, would that be too much? Lastly, if I want to confirm whether I might have feelings for women, which specialty should I consult? Thank you, Doctor, for taking the time to respond.

Mr. Hsu, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/01/08

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: Your concerns may need to be assessed and clarified in person.
If it is truly distressing, you may consider visiting a psychosomatic medicine or psychiatry outpatient clinic to discuss and consult with a physician.
Wishing you the best.

Reply Date: 2018/01/08

More Info


Navigating sexual orientation can be a complex and often confusing journey, especially when societal pressures and personal feelings collide. It’s important to understand that sexual orientation exists on a spectrum, and it is entirely possible to experience attraction to different genders in varying degrees. In your case, it seems you have a clear attraction to males, while your feelings towards females are more ambiguous, characterized by a lack of sexual interest and even aversion. This could suggest that you may not identify as bisexual, as bisexuality typically involves attraction to more than one gender. However, it’s also important to recognize that sexual orientation can be fluid, and feelings can evolve over time.

The pressure you feel from your family’s homophobic attitudes can exacerbate feelings of confusion and distress. It’s not uncommon for individuals in the LGBTQ+ community to experience internalized homophobia, which can lead to feelings of shame or self-hatred. This can be particularly challenging during formative years, such as adolescence, when individuals are trying to understand their identities. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental health and well-being. If thoughts of self-harm or feelings of worthlessness arise, seeking immediate support from a mental health professional is essential.

If you are considering exploring your feelings towards women further, it may be beneficial to engage in counseling or therapy. A mental health professional, particularly one with experience in LGBTQ+ issues, can provide a safe and supportive environment to discuss your feelings, help you navigate your sexual orientation, and address any internalized homophobia you may be experiencing. They can also assist you in developing coping strategies for dealing with familial pressures.

In terms of whether it would be "overstepping" to pursue a relationship with a woman, it’s important to remember that relationships should be based on mutual feelings and respect. If you find yourself developing feelings for a woman, it’s worth exploring those feelings in a healthy and consensual manner. However, if you feel that you are not genuinely interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with women, it’s also perfectly valid to refrain from pursuing such relationships.

To confirm your feelings and explore your sexual orientation further, you might consider seeking out a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual orientation and identity issues. They can provide guidance and support as you navigate your feelings and experiences. Additionally, support groups for LGBTQ+ individuals can offer a sense of community and understanding, allowing you to connect with others who may have similar experiences.

In summary, understanding your sexual orientation is a personal journey that can take time and reflection. It’s important to be patient with yourself and seek support from professionals who can help you navigate these complex feelings. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve to explore your identity in a safe and supportive environment.

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