Adaptation Disorders: Navigating Work and Mental Health Challenges - Psychiatry

Adjustment Disorder

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Hello, Doctor: It's been a long time! I've been busy with work and making a living, so I haven't had the chance to check back on this Q&A and see information from others with the same condition as mine, or even to use it as a reference for mutual exchange.

1.
Last November, I worked at Supermarket B, and I was very diligent! I started as a part-time employee and eventually became an assistant salesperson.
The manager of Supermarket B is an old classmate and also a former partner; I was previously married to her, but we divorced due to personality conflicts.
To be honest, I feel like I might have worked at Supermarket B before! It’s all because of my enemies that I developed a mental illness, which made me completely forget past events.
My memories with the female manager only started to come back as we interacted regularly! I once owed her during our relationship.
Later, my enemies threatened me to provoke her with words.
At first, I approached my work with guilt and a desire to do well, and I secretly hoped to love her again, so I put in my utmost effort.
Even if I worked a bit beyond my hours or organized the warehouse, I didn’t mind not getting paid for overtime! I was constantly troubled by an enemy from my childhood, who also used tactics to make her confront me! When we were classmates, she either bullied me with other classmates or isolated me, which led to mutual animosity!
Initially, I wanted to work at Supermarket B, thinking it would be great to have my former partner in the same company, so I worked especially hard and didn’t want to leave (to be honest, it takes me at least 40 minutes to get from home to work; I could have requested a transfer to a closer company).
Additionally, there was a colleague, Q, a female salesperson.
One day, while casually browsing her Facebook, I saw a photo of her sister and it seemed like I had wronged her sister in the past, but due to the long time and my mental illness, it was vague! Later, for some reason, Q would sometimes report to the manager about me! I truly don’t know her intentions.
Even though I have a mental illness, everyone in the company knows it.
But I can vaguely sense that everyone seems to be insincere!
At the employee event organized by the manager last year—a Christmas gift exchange—I clearly bought something worth over 300 NT dollars, yet I ended up exchanging it for something worth less than 100 NT dollars, even though everyone had previously agreed that the items should be worth over 200 NT dollars...
It turns out everyone had their own agendas! Sometimes I would help colleagues restock, neglecting my own area! Furthermore, I would sometimes help colleagues with their duties! On the surface, I seemed to get along well with everyone, but I clearly understood that I was just a nice guy! Even the manager knew I was serious and the busiest, yet whenever there were miscellaneous tasks, they would call on me! I didn’t know their intentions? Thus, under these circumstances, I became busier and more reckless! I became increasingly anxious! I had no time to reflect on myself like I used to! My life turned into a cycle of work and sleep...
Later, I realized that I was just being used and was merely showing off my exhaustion...
Moreover, every day when I returned home, I would curse my enemies, and one of them somehow made the manager look at me with disdain.
That day, after work, I didn’t take my medication and went to sleep, resulting in me missing work the next morning.
The manager then called my home to understand the situation and asked me to submit my resignation! When I left the company, I heard colleague P mocking me for being kicked out! This was because, when I first entered the workforce, I had worked at Supermarket K and Supermarket L, and due to my enemies’ schemes, I was fired! So, there’s a reason why I constantly curse them!
In fact, when a colleague G (who shares similar mental symptoms) was fired for poor performance, I began to fear the manager! Moreover, due to the manager's personality, I started to dislike her! A colleague I told me not to let the manager sell me out or even count the money! That’s when I realized the situation! I initially wanted to write a letter to the manager, telling her that I didn’t intend for things to turn out this way during our past relationship...
But if I wrote to her, it would be like selling myself out or counting money for her! I failed so miserably at this job, completely oblivious to the manipulation and malice of human nature! I initially thought that being fired was her loss, but later, no colleagues called or informed me of any insider information!
2.
Later, I got a new job washing dishes.
The boss's wife taught me how to work more easily, but I still found it tiring.
When there was nothing to do, I would help deliver food or just stand around.
Yet, I still felt exhausted! Consequently, I ended up missing work and got fired! Additionally, since I had to work until 2 AM, I would just want to sleep when I got home! Not to mention that next month, they said I would have to work until 3 or 4 AM to get some sleep! I work slower than others, but I am indeed thorough; others may be fast but not accurate! I am not someone who can work efficiently! Currently, I am unemployed at home, and I don’t know whether I should pursue vocational training or look for a new job? I am almost 40 years old and still have achieved nothing!

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Jason, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/03/28