How to Help a Girlfriend Struggling with Depression Symptoms

Q: How to Help a Girlfriend Struggling with Depression Symptoms

Hello： Accompanying someone with long-term depression is not an easy task, as you may also absorb negative energy at times. <br>The caregiver often feels drained, so it's important to pay attention to their own mental and physical well-being. <br>Currently, your girlfriend is not

My girlfriend seems to have tendencies towards depression?

Hello Doctor: My girlfriend and I are studying in Taipei and Chiayi, and I recently learned that her mental and physical condition is not very good.
She said, "I get anxious easily and often feel very down.
If I accidentally have a good day, I feel guilty and a bit neurotic.
I cry easily, sometimes holding back tears, but I can't help but feel a lot of pressure when I breathe.
My physical condition is poor; I have insomnia and sleep very little.
My appetite is also bad; I eat about one meal a day and can go a whole day without eating.
If I eat a bit more the next day, I feel anxious and guilty and want to throw up or self-harm because it gives me a temporary sense of relief.
Sometimes I wish I could just stay 19 forever; I have no motivation or interest in anything.
I feel weak and easily tired; even a little activity makes me feel exhausted." Based on my own experience, it seems like she might be suffering from depression.
She acknowledges that something is not right but insists that she is not sick, just a bit unhappy.
She says she is normal, knows when to smile, and doesn't want to burden others or let them notice anything unusual.
She feels overwhelmed with worries and doesn't want to add to anyone else's concerns.
She believes she just needs a little more time to recover.
I have experienced mild depression myself and know that it's hard to get through it alone.
However, her situation has become serious enough that she is self-harming and sometimes thinks about wanting her life to stop forever.
I don't know what caused her to suddenly develop such severe depression.
I have asked her, but she is unwilling to share.
I believe there must be a reason.
I hope she will seek counseling at school or see a doctor, but she thinks she is not sick.
I don't know how to persuade her.
She mentioned that she took some online depression assessments, which suggested talking to someone, but she doesn't want to believe it because she thinks the credibility is low.
I would like to ask the doctor, as one of the few people who knows about her recent mental and physical struggles and someone she trusts, how should I handle and help my girlfriend? How can I encourage her to seek help from others? Thank you in advance for your response and advice.

Niming, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/05/11

Dr. Huang Jiabin reply Psychiatry

Hello: Accompanying someone with long-term depression is not an easy task, as you may also absorb negative energy at times.
The caregiver often feels drained, so it's important to pay attention to their own mental and physical well-being.
Currently, your girlfriend is not ready to see a doctor, and pressuring her may have the opposite effect.
The first step is to create an atmosphere where she feels safe sharing with you.
It's like dancing; you need to match her pace—if she moves forward, you step back, and if she steps back, you move forward.
Make her feel that no matter what she shares, she won't be criticized or judged, preserving her freedom to withhold information.
Just like the story of the North Wind and the Sun, being patient can lead to smoother progress.
Once she feels secure (you will sense this), you can further "discuss" online assessment tools (note: maintain a conversational atmosphere, not a persuasive one).
It sounds like she is confused about her current situation and wants to understand what is happening, but online assessments cannot resolve her uncertainties.
At this point, you can suggest that she consult a physician to discuss how her situation differs from the recommendations of the online assessment.
If she is concerned about being labeled as mentally ill for seeking help from a psychiatrist or psychologist, you can mention that many cases in these fields are purely related to sleep disturbances and have nothing to do with mental disorders—seeing a mental health professional is as routine as visiting a doctor for a cold.
If she remains resistant, you might also suggest seeking assistance from the school counseling center, as most centers have collaborating physicians.
In summary, the first step is to establish enough safety for her to freely express her feelings.
Next, use the online assessment as a starting point to reduce her fear of seeking help.
If possible, having a trusted person accompany her to the appointment can significantly decrease her resistance to seeking treatment.
The Chiayi Hospital of the Ministry of Health and Welfare is here to serve you.

Reply Date: 2018/05/11

More Info

It's commendable that you are concerned about your girlfriend's mental health and are seeking ways to help her. Based on your description, it sounds like she is experiencing significant symptoms of depression, including anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, self-harm, and a lack of motivation. These are serious indicators that she may need professional help, even if she does not recognize it herself.

Understanding Depression
Depression is a complex mental health disorder that can manifest in various ways, including emotional, cognitive, and physical symptoms. Common signs include persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide. It's important to understand that depression is not just a phase or a sign of weakness; it is a medical condition that often requires treatment.

How to Approach the Situation
1. Open Communication: Start by having an open and non-judgmental conversation with her. Let her know that you are there for her and that it’s okay to talk about her feelings. Use "I" statements to express your concerns, such as "I feel worried when I see you struggling" rather than "You need to get help."
2. Empathy and Validation: Acknowledge her feelings and experiences. It’s crucial for her to feel understood and validated. You might say something like, "It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and it’s okay to feel this way."
3. Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest that she consider talking to a mental health professional. You can frame it as a way to gain more tools to cope with her feelings rather than labeling it as a treatment for a "disease." You might say, "Talking to someone who understands can really help you find ways to feel better."
4. Offer to Accompany Her: Sometimes, the idea of seeking help can be daunting. Offer to go with her to a counseling session or help her find a therapist. This can make the process feel less intimidating.

5. Educate Her: Share information about depression and its effects. Sometimes, understanding that what she is experiencing is a recognized condition can help her see the value in seeking help.

6. Be Patient: Change takes time, especially when it comes to mental health. Be patient with her as she processes her feelings and the idea of seeking help.
7. Set Boundaries: While it’s important to support her, it’s equally important to take care of your own mental health. If her behavior is affecting you negatively, consider setting boundaries to protect your well-being.

8. Emergency Situations: If she expresses thoughts of self-harm or suicide, take them seriously. Encourage her to seek immediate help from a mental health professional or contact a crisis hotline. If she is in immediate danger, do not hesitate to seek emergency assistance.

Conclusion
Your role as a supportive partner is vital, but remember that you are not a substitute for professional help. Encourage her to seek therapy or counseling, and be there to support her through the process. It’s important to recognize that recovery from depression is a journey that often requires professional guidance. By being empathetic, patient, and encouraging, you can help her take the first steps toward healing.

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