Navigating Mental Health and Regrets: A Journey Through Relationships

Q: Navigating Mental Health and Regrets: A Journey Through Relationships

Hello, Ayi： Thank you for your detailed description. <br>You have reflected on and organized your past experiences, and engaged in some altruistic actions, which are all effective changes. <br>It just requires a bit more patience and perseverance. <br>The past has already happene

My own thoughts and feelings?

Hello, doctor.
Ever since I recalled things from my past, I've been feeling very down and my mood is extremely poor! I am a Sagittarius, type B, and I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 20, which led to my discharge from the military.
I feel like my life is a complete failure and that I have no future! I have also experienced that without serving in the military, most companies do not hire me, and I have spent a long time idling at home, only able to rely on my parents to get by.
Although I am currently working as a cleaner, I can barely make ends meet.
Since my illness, I have had a complicated relationship with psychiatry.

What I want to talk about is what happened before I turned 20.
I started dating girls at a young age, but regardless of whether my girlfriend was attractive or not, I have cheated on some and remained faithful to others.
I have also been betrayed and dumped by girlfriends; my romantic life has been quite rich, and I have had many girlfriends! I am not trying to brag.
Sometimes, I dated just to have sexual relations, sometimes we broke up due to personality clashes, and sometimes I cheated because other girls had a confidence and cheerfulness that I lacked! But regardless, I have had sexual relations with my partners, and perhaps my sexual desire is unusually high! Fortunately, I am not infertile.

Those relationships based on sex eventually led to complications, and I ended up in jail for some of them, while others did not report me.
I don’t lack sincerity; I just don’t understand why I keep repeating the same mistakes of cheating.
Sometimes, after being in a relationship for a long time, I become interested in other girls, thinking my girlfriend would always forgive me! But I was wrong; Ms.
S is one example.
There was also a girl, U, with whom I had a sexual relationship, and later she asked me to marry her, but then she changed her mind and dumped me.
Now she still asks me to marry her.
I thought about it for half a month before recalling the past, and she has a mental illness, claiming it was my fault, calling me garbage.
The doctor says my illness is not my fault, but my illness is indeed my retribution!
I don’t know how to articulate my problems; I just type whatever comes to mind.
I haven’t had a girlfriend for a very long time, but I am different from my former self.
I don’t know if it’s due to my environment or overthinking that has caused this change! But now I desperately want a girlfriend, yet no one seems to be interested in me! Whenever I feel disappointed or things don’t go my way, I resort to fetishistic behaviors to comfort myself! I once attempted suicide by jumping off a cliff due to certain factors (not related to relationships), but I survived and lost my previous memories.
Years later (or even now), whenever I think of a past girlfriend, my mood is greatly affected! I don’t know why I remember; perhaps it’s due to certain triggers! I am almost 40 years old, and I think it’s unlikely that I will get married! However, my mother always wanted me and my brother to settle down.
Later, my mother passed away from cancer.
Marriage has become the only hope I have left to honor my mother!
I have a mental illness, and I might forget even my own name or where I work one day.
Although this is not aligned with the purpose of psychiatric inquiries, I wonder why I didn’t cherish my past girlfriends? To this day, I am filled with regret, and I even need to take sleeping pills to fall asleep! People should look forward, but I can’t see the road ahead, and the past is so rocky! My emotions are still unsettled, and I don’t know what to do.
I owe so much in terms of emotional debts! How can I repay them? I try to do good deeds to make up for what I owe others, but although it may not help, I can’t think of any feasible solutions!

A Yi, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/04/20

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello, Ayi: Thank you for your detailed description.
You have reflected on and organized your past experiences, and engaged in some altruistic actions, which are all effective changes.
It just requires a bit more patience and perseverance.
The past has already happened and must be accepted; ideally, we should learn and grow from it.
Logically speaking, dwelling in regret is unproductive, but on a practical level, it is not easy to achieve.
Nonetheless, it is important to remind yourself regularly.
I suggest focusing your energy on the present and future.
Even if negative memories and emotions from the past occasionally resurface, accept them as the necessary cost of the past.
At the same time, create positive events in the present and future to dilute those negative memories.
If you still feel troubled, I recommend discussing it with your physician during your next appointment.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2019/04/20

More Info

Navigating mental health issues, especially when intertwined with past relationships and regrets, can be an incredibly challenging journey. Your reflections reveal a deep sense of regret and emotional turmoil stemming from your past experiences, particularly in relationships and your mental health struggles. It’s important to recognize that you are not alone in feeling this way, and many people face similar challenges as they navigate their mental health and relationships.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that mental health conditions, such as depression, can significantly affect one’s perception of self-worth and the ability to form healthy relationships. Your history of depression, coupled with feelings of failure and regret, can create a cycle that makes it difficult to move forward. It’s commendable that you are seeking to understand your feelings and are open about your past. This self-awareness is a vital first step in healing.

You mentioned a history of infidelity and the emotional consequences that followed. It’s important to reflect on what led to those behaviors. Often, actions such as cheating can stem from deeper issues, including low self-esteem, fear of intimacy, or unresolved emotional pain. Understanding the root causes of your actions can help you break the cycle and make healthier choices in the future. Therapy can be an invaluable resource in this process, providing a safe space to explore these feelings and behaviors without judgment.

The regret you feel about past relationships is understandable, especially as you reflect on what could have been. However, it’s essential to practice self-compassion. Regret can be a heavy burden, but it’s also an opportunity for growth. Instead of viewing your past as a series of failures, try to see it as a learning experience. Each relationship, regardless of its outcome, has contributed to who you are today. Acknowledging this can help you shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you can gain moving forward.

You also expressed a desire for companionship and the fear of never finding it. It’s important to remember that relationships can take time to develop, and they often require patience and self-love. Engaging in activities that you enjoy or that foster social connections can help you meet new people. Consider joining clubs, volunteering, or participating in community events that align with your interests. Building friendships can create a support network that may eventually lead to romantic relationships.

Additionally, you mentioned using objects for comfort during times of disappointment. While it’s natural to seek comfort, it’s crucial to find healthy coping mechanisms. Engaging in hobbies, physical activity, or mindfulness practices can provide more sustainable forms of comfort and fulfillment. These activities can also help improve your mood and overall mental health.

Regarding your feelings of hopelessness and the impact of your mother’s passing, it’s essential to allow yourself to grieve. Losing a loved one can trigger a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and regret. Seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can help you process these feelings. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and doing so can be a sign of strength.

Lastly, while it’s natural to reflect on the past, it’s equally important to focus on the present and future. Setting small, achievable goals for yourself can help create a sense of purpose and direction. Whether it’s improving your mental health, pursuing new interests, or building relationships, taking small steps can lead to significant changes over time.

In conclusion, navigating mental health and regrets related to relationships is a complex journey. It’s essential to practice self-compassion, seek support, and focus on personal growth. Remember that healing takes time, and it’s okay to seek help along the way. You have the power to shape your future, and with patience and effort, you can find a path that leads to a more fulfilling life.

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