Breaking the Cycle of Anger: Finding Peace After Trauma

Q: Breaking the Cycle of Anger: Finding Peace After Trauma

Hello Amin： Based on your description, you have gone through a lot of hardships and have made significant efforts, as well as developed some coping strategies. <br>You mentioned that medication is effective for you, but you tend to lose control when not taking it. <br>I recommend

If I don't change now, I will forever live in suffering?

Hello, doctor.
Since I had conflicts with others in the past, they have started to cause me trouble.
The reason is that they were in the wrong first, and I shouldn't have retaliated in that way, which led to a cycle of revenge.
Eventually, even a neighbor living nearby became involved in the feud! Since I was 20 years old and was set up by them, I have become a mental health patient.
During this time, I also developed post-traumatic stress disorder and have been living in the pain of the past every day.
After my mother passed away, my condition worsened.
From the depression, panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder diagnosed by doctors when I was 20, I have now become something I can't even identify.
I have also experienced dissociative identity disorder, hallucinations, and auditory hallucinations.
Fortunately, I received help from many kind people at work, which allowed me to return to work for over six months.
During this time, there were many who tried to undermine me.
But those days of swallowing my tears are over; I hope to never look back! If it weren't for the many kind people who helped me, I would still be in a state of mental illness, confused and unclear.
Thankfully, I have regained some cognitive function!
What troubles me the most now, aside from my illness, is that I find myself cursing my enemies every day! I even insult their ancestors! They even insulted my mother when she passed away, saying she deserved it, which is a complete disgrace to the deceased! I don't want to live this way.
When I am calm, I don't curse and try to ignore them.
But whenever I feel overwhelmed or encounter difficulties at work, or if I can't consult my mother or take my medication properly, I end up cursing continuously! I know that this will only make the situation worse and deepen the resentment.
Currently, I work in construction and am exhausted every day; if they would just stop bothering me, I really wouldn't want to engage with them! Once they are gone, if they want to talk, I will simply ignore them! Yet every day, no matter what, I end up cursing! I know I am not a good person either; I have done many wrong things and have had my share of trouble.
I just believe that if people don't offend me, I won't offend them.
If they do, it’s just that my initial response was too extreme, which is why the feud has lasted this long!
I have thought about listening to music or watching YouTube videos when I feel like cursing or getting angry, reflecting on myself instead of being harsh on others, and finding wise solutions to life's problems, but it hasn't worked! Only after I calm down do I have that mindset.
I have considered starting a new chapter in my life, but it seems impossible!?

A-Ming, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/08/25

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello Amin: Based on your description, you have gone through a lot of hardships and have made significant efforts, as well as developed some coping strategies.
You mentioned that medication is effective for you, but you tend to lose control when not taking it.
I recommend that you first establish a routine for taking your medication, and on that foundation, work on psychological adjustment and change.
You expressed that you do not want to resort to insults or provoke conflicts, which is a positive mindset; however, you also mentioned that sometimes you find it difficult to adhere to this.
The strategy of redirecting your attention is excellent; activities such as listening to music, exercising, doing household chores, walking, taking a shower, and sleeping can be beneficial.
Continue to work hard, maintain good interactions with colleagues, friends, and family, and focus on positive aspects of life each day.
Even if you occasionally lose control, do not give up; keep striving to minimize past negative memories.
If you continue to experience difficulties, I suggest discussing them with your physician during your next appointment.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Reply Date: 2019/08/25

More Info

It sounds like you are grappling with a complex mix of emotions and experiences stemming from trauma, anger, and unresolved conflicts. The cycle of anger you describe can be deeply entrenched, especially when it is compounded by past traumas and ongoing stressors. Here are some insights and suggestions that may help you break this cycle and find a path toward peace.

Understanding the Cycle of Anger
Anger is a natural emotional response, often arising from feelings of hurt, betrayal, or injustice. When we feel wronged, especially in situations involving interpersonal conflicts, it can lead to a desire for retribution or revenge. This cycle can become self-perpetuating; the more we engage in negative interactions, the more entrenched our feelings of anger and resentment become. This is particularly true when past traumas, such as the loss of a loved one or experiences of bullying, are involved.

In your case, it seems that the loss of your mother has intensified these feelings, leading to a resurgence of anger and frustration. The fact that you have experienced mental health challenges, including PTSD, depression, and anxiety, complicates this further. These conditions can heighten emotional responses and make it more difficult to manage anger constructively.

The Importance of Seeking Help
Given the intensity of your feelings and the impact they have on your life, seeking professional help is crucial. A mental health professional can provide you with the tools and strategies to process your emotions, understand the root causes of your anger, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy can also help you work through feelings of grief and loss, which may be contributing to your current emotional state.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for managing anger and anxiety. It focuses on identifying negative thought patterns and replacing them with more constructive ones. Additionally, therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings about your past and how they influence your present behavior.

Strategies for Managing Anger
1. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you become more aware of your emotions as they arise, allowing you to respond rather than react. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and body.

2. Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical exercise can be a powerful way to release pent-up energy and reduce feelings of anger. Activities like running, swimming, or even walking can help improve your mood and overall mental health.

3. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your anger and help you process your emotions. It can also help you identify triggers and patterns in your behavior.

4. Finding Healthy Outlets: Instead of resorting to verbal outbursts, consider finding alternative ways to express your feelings. This could include creative outlets like art, music, or writing, which can be therapeutic and help you channel your emotions constructively.

5. Setting Boundaries: If certain individuals consistently trigger your anger, it may be helpful to set boundaries with them. This could mean limiting your interactions or finding ways to disengage from conflicts.

6. Support Systems: Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who can provide encouragement and understanding. Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar challenges can also be beneficial.

Moving Forward
While it may feel daunting, breaking the cycle of anger is possible. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to seek help. Remember that healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take small steps toward change. By addressing your feelings and seeking support, you can begin to cultivate a sense of peace and move toward a more fulfilling life.
If you find it difficult to take the first step, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a support group. They can guide you through the process and help you find the resources you need to navigate this challenging time.

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