My Inner Struggles: Seeking Help for Emotional Turmoil

This version of myself?

Hello doctor, I am currently 22 years old.
I was doing well and was very cheerful until the third grade of elementary school.
However, since the fourth grade, my mother confessed to me that the father listed on my ID card is not my biological father, but someone she had a child with out of revenge.
My real father loves to drink and gamble, and often took me along to indulge in those activities, frequently hitting and scolding me.
My mother was not around because she left me with him, so at that time, I thought he was my father.
I felt powerless to change anything, so I optimistically told myself it was okay.
However, after my mother told me he was not my biological father, I feel like I have become a different person.
I keep trying to control my emotions, but I really can't.
There are times when I get severe headaches, and I feel like there is no meaning to life.
I break down and cry, blaming everything, and sometimes I even hit my head to see if it would alleviate the pain.
But the next moment, I return to normal, as if another person resides within me.
My emotions fluctuate, and the other "me" has been appearing frequently lately.
During these episodes, I experience intense headaches and tightness.
I don't know what's wrong with me; whenever someone says something that makes me sad, I remain indifferent, but it keeps replaying in my mind, reminding me until I eventually break down and cry.
This cycle has been going on for over ten years, and I really want to know what illness I might have.
Please, doctor, tell me if I should see a doctor.

Ms. Chen, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/03/08

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
The text reveals long-term negative emotions and self-harming behaviors.
I hope you can cherish yourself, just as your questions indicate a desire for better mental and physical health.
The family issues you mentioned are indeed significant factors affecting your mental and physical well-being.
I recommend that you consult a mental health professional (commonly referred to as a psychologist) as soon as possible.
If that is not convenient, please reach out to the Zhang Teacher hotline (1980) or the Lifeline (1995) hotline.
Recently, the Ministry of Health and Welfare has also established the Anxin Hotline (1925), which provides counseling, consultation, and referral services to help you address your concerns.

Reply Date: 2020/03/08

More Info

It sounds like you are going through a very challenging and painful time, and I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to share your experiences and seek help. Based on what you've described, it seems you are dealing with a complex mix of emotional turmoil, stemming from your childhood experiences and the revelations about your family dynamics. This has understandably led to feelings of confusion, pain, and a struggle with your emotional state.

From your account, it appears that you may be experiencing symptoms consistent with emotional distress, possibly related to unresolved trauma from your childhood. The revelation about your father not being your biological parent, combined with the negative experiences you had with him, could have significantly impacted your emotional well-being. It's common for individuals who have faced such traumatic experiences to develop coping mechanisms that may not be healthy, such as emotional numbness or self-harm, as you mentioned.

The physical symptoms you describe, such as headaches and feelings of tightness in your head, can often be manifestations of emotional stress. When we experience intense emotions, our bodies can react in various ways, including tension headaches or other physical discomforts. The cycle of feeling overwhelmed, followed by moments of emotional release through crying, is also indicative of someone who is struggling to process their feelings.

It's important to understand that you are not alone in this struggle, and there is help available. Seeking professional help from a mental health provider, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can be a crucial step in understanding and managing your emotions. They can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and experiences, and help you develop healthier coping strategies. Therapy can also assist you in processing the trauma from your past, which may help alleviate some of the emotional pain you are experiencing.

In terms of whether you should see a doctor, I strongly encourage you to do so. A mental health professional can offer a proper assessment and diagnosis, which is essential for understanding what you are going through. They can also discuss treatment options with you, which may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both, depending on your specific needs.

It's also worth noting that the feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of self-harm are serious and should not be taken lightly. If you ever feel like you might hurt yourself or have thoughts of ending your life, it is crucial to seek immediate help. You can reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a crisis hotline in your area for support.

In summary, your experiences and feelings are valid, and seeking help is a brave and important step. A mental health professional can provide you with the support and guidance you need to navigate through this difficult time. Remember, healing is a journey, and it's okay to take that first step toward understanding and improving your emotional health.

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