Facing the Past: Navigating Mental Health and Regret

Q: Facing the Past: Navigating Mental Health and Regret

Hello, Dole： The issues you mentioned must be causing you a lot of distress. <br>However, there are many aspects that I am not very clear about, and it might not be convenient to discuss the details online. <br>Since you have been regularly visiting a psychiatrist, have you talke

I'm not sure how to proceed?

Hello, Doctor: Since I was diagnosed with affective psychosis at the age of 20, I have been receiving treatment at a psychiatric outpatient clinic.
If you have seen my previous inquiries, you would know this.
Since childhood, I have made many mistakes out of curiosity about sex, and I still regret them deeply! However, time cannot be reversed, and I cannot change the past! Although I was incarcerated for a long time in the past, I currently cannot provide a certificate of good conduct to prove to my attending physician that I have indeed been imprisoned.
My attending physician is aware of my situation.
However, those women do not let me off the hook, and I do not know how to handle it.
Although I have long since turned my life around, the pain of those victims continues to haunt me.
I try to do good deeds whenever I can to atone for my past mistakes, and I do not accept any compensation from others.
This seems to have little effect! Perhaps this time, I will end up in prison again! I have a feeling that during the assessment for the disability certificate, all my past will be revealed to the doctors and others.
Even my neighbors know about my situation, let alone others! Those victims still remember my name! What should I do? Avoiding the issue will only leave it unresolved, and it may even escalate! If I carry this into my next life, I might owe even more! Facing it, I might end up incarcerated again! Moreover, I cannot provide proof of my previous imprisonment! And the threat of violence...
etc.
Furthermore, I will have to endure public scrutiny again! Everyone knows who I am and what I have done, and I am subject to judgment behind my back.
I am currently living a quiet life and working, just wanting to pass away peacefully while doing good deeds to atone for my past mistakes.
Although I cannot make amends 100%, at least I can do something.
Conversely, if I still cannot find a way, I have thought long and hard about it, and I might become a terrible person! I have thoughts of harming those classmates who bullied me when I was young, one by one! Although it is an impossible task, I might actually take action! Since they do not allow me to have a way out, I have thoughts of mutual destruction.
I do not want to become a murderer and face execution one day! Is there any way to resolve this or find a win-win solution? I am also working hard to earn money, hoping that one day I can compensate the victims; at least that is the last thing I can do.
My mother was an RCA employee, and even though she developed cancer due to her work, she passed away without receiving the justice she deserved because there was no evidence against her employer at the time!

Dao Er, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/05/28

Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry

Hello, Dole: The issues you mentioned must be causing you a lot of distress.
However, there are many aspects that I am not very clear about, and it might not be convenient to discuss the details online.
Since you have been regularly visiting a psychiatrist, have you talked to your attending physician about your concerns? It is usually easier to discuss more private matters in a clinical setting.
Alternatively, you could ask your psychiatrist for a referral to a psychologist for counseling, which could help address your issues more effectively.
Wishing you peace and happiness!

Reply Date: 2020/05/28

More Info

Navigating mental health issues, especially when intertwined with past regrets and trauma, can be an incredibly challenging journey. Your situation reflects a deep struggle with the consequences of past actions and the emotional weight they carry. It’s important to acknowledge that feeling regret and guilt is a natural human response, especially when we believe we have caused harm to others. However, it’s crucial to find constructive ways to cope with these feelings rather than allowing them to spiral into despair or harmful thoughts.

Firstly, it’s commendable that you are seeking to make amends through good deeds and trying to contribute positively to society. Engaging in altruistic behavior can be therapeutic and may help alleviate some of the guilt you feel. However, it’s essential to understand that while these actions can provide a sense of purpose, they may not fully resolve the emotional turmoil stemming from your past. It’s vital to seek professional help, especially from a mental health provider who understands your history and can guide you through this process. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, understand the roots of your regret, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

You mentioned a fear of being judged by society and the potential for retribution from those you have wronged. This fear can be paralyzing and may lead to avoidance behaviors, which only serve to exacerbate your anxiety. It’s important to confront these feelings rather than escape from them. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one effective approach that can help you reframe negative thoughts and develop a more balanced perspective on your past. It can also assist you in managing feelings of anger towards those who may have bullied you in the past, allowing you to process these emotions without resorting to violence or harmful thoughts.

Additionally, consider joining support groups where individuals with similar experiences share their journeys. Hearing others’ stories can provide validation and a sense of community, reminding you that you are not alone in your struggles. It can also offer insights into how others have navigated their feelings of regret and guilt.

Regarding your concerns about the potential for re-incarceration or societal backlash, it’s crucial to focus on the present and the steps you can take to build a better future. Engaging with a legal advisor may also be beneficial if you feel that your past could impact your current situation. They can provide guidance on how to navigate any legal challenges you may face.

Lastly, it’s essential to practice self-compassion. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes, and while your past actions may have caused harm, they do not define your entire being. You are actively working towards change and seeking to make amends, which is a significant step in the right direction.

In summary, facing the past and navigating mental health challenges requires a multifaceted approach. Seek professional help, engage in supportive communities, practice self-compassion, and focus on constructive actions that align with your desire to make amends. Remember, healing is a journey, and it’s okay to seek help along the way.

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