Navigating Mental Health: Overcoming Regrets and Finding Hope

Q: Navigating Mental Health: Overcoming Regrets and Finding Hope

Hello： People tend to compare themselves habitually, and in these comparisons, we often see our own shortcomings while overlooking the fundamental differences between ourselves and others. <br>Such comparisons can easily lead to feelings of frustration, and we may use these feeli

Emotional adjustment

I started taking medication at 17, and now almost at 20, I feel like these years have been a blank in my life.
I haven't participated in the most youthful phase of my life, and I couldn't get into the school I wanted due to my health condition.
I feel frustrated and regretful, often wondering what step in life went wrong to lead me here.
I keep telling myself to start over, but my illness hasn't improved, and I feel like it won't.
Anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome have been constant companions in my life, casting a shadow that I can't shake off.

For example, I was sick in high school, which led to poor grades (even though I was aiming for my first-choice school).
Studying in a retake class makes me feel like I am significantly behind my peers.
I often wonder why some classmates seem so clueless and can take days off (sometimes I can't go either), which makes me feel embarrassed.
The peak of my academic performance was in a math and science program, but during my lowest point in high school, I failed three subjects in one semester, which I really couldn't accept.
I feel terrible but powerless.
Many of my classmates have been accepted into medical school, while I only managed to get into a second-tier program (I feel like I deserve more than this).
I see their futures shining brightly, while I feel like I've lost to them by so much.
I can't see a future for myself...
I seek adjustment.
Thank you for reading and responding.

A, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/05/20

Dr. Wang Yaoting reply Psychiatry

Hello: People tend to compare themselves habitually, and in these comparisons, we often see our own shortcomings while overlooking the fundamental differences between ourselves and others.
Such comparisons can easily lead to feelings of frustration, and we may use these feelings of inadequacy to evaluate ourselves, resulting in a series of negative impacts.
I would like to suggest the following three points to help you find your self-worth in life.

1.
Acknowledge your emotions in the face of comparison: When confronted with the frustration and disappointment that comparisons bring, first ask yourself what emotions you are truly feeling.
Try to let go of thoughts like "I should achieve this or that!" or "If I haven't achieved this, I am a terrible person..." Take some time to allow yourself to experience these feelings without rushing to change anything.
2.
Make accurate comparisons with others: Once you understand the emotions that arise, you can attempt to compare yourself differently.
Comparing upward can highlight your shortcomings, while comparing downward can help you recognize the abilities and foundations you already possess.
Only those who are aware of both their strengths and weaknesses can effectively work towards and plan for their future development.
3.
Write down what matters most to you: Try writing down the things you value most or your core beliefs, and focus on living according to those values.
You will find that you gradually become less concerned about the discrepancies in comparisons, and you will be able to live your life more comfortably and authentically.
I hope this answers your question :)

Reply Date: 2022/05/20

More Info

Navigating mental health challenges, especially during formative years, can be incredibly daunting. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot since you started medication at 17, and now approaching 20, you feel as though those years have been a blur, filled with regrets and missed opportunities. It’s completely understandable to feel frustrated and disappointed, especially when comparing yourself to peers who seem to be thriving while you’re grappling with anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
First and foremost, it's important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Many people experience similar emotions when faced with mental health challenges, particularly during such a critical period of life. The teenage years and early adulthood are often seen as a time for exploration, growth, and achievement, and feeling sidelined can lead to a sense of loss and regret. However, it’s crucial to remember that mental health conditions can significantly impact one’s ability to participate fully in life, and this is not a reflection of your worth or potential.

You mentioned feeling like you’ve missed out on your youth and that your health has prevented you from achieving your academic goals. It’s essential to recognize that your journey is unique, and while it may feel like you’re falling behind, many individuals face obstacles that shape their paths in different ways. The fact that you are aware of your feelings and are seeking ways to adjust and cope is a positive step forward.
Here are some strategies that may help you navigate your current situation:
1. Therapeutic Support: Consider seeking therapy if you haven’t already. A mental health professional can provide a safe space to explore your feelings of regret, anxiety, and frustration. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety and OCD, as it helps individuals reframe negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies.

2. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment rather than getting lost in regrets about the past or worries about the future. Self-compassion is equally important; treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in your situation. Acknowledge your struggles without judgment.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of focusing on what you feel you’ve lost, try setting small, achievable goals for yourself. This could be related to your studies, personal interests, or social interactions. Celebrate each accomplishment, no matter how small, as it can help build your confidence and sense of agency.

4. Connect with Others: Isolation can exacerbate feelings of regret and anxiety. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups where you can share your experiences and feelings. Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can provide comfort and reduce feelings of loneliness.

5. Focus on Your Strengths: Reflect on your strengths and past achievements. It’s easy to get caught up in comparisons, but remember that everyone has their own journey. Acknowledge your resilience in facing your mental health challenges and recognize the skills and qualities that make you unique.

6. Limit Comparisons: While it’s natural to compare yourself to others, try to limit this behavior. Social media can often exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, so consider taking breaks from platforms that trigger negative feelings. Focus on your own progress rather than measuring it against others.

7. Explore New Interests: Engaging in new activities or hobbies can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Whether it’s art, music, sports, or volunteering, finding something you’re passionate about can help shift your focus from what you feel you’ve lost to what you can still gain.

8. Stay Hopeful: It’s crucial to maintain hope for the future. While it may feel bleak right now, many people with similar experiences have gone on to lead fulfilling lives. Your current situation does not define your future potential.

In conclusion, it’s understandable to feel overwhelmed by regrets and anxiety about the future, especially when dealing with mental health challenges. However, by seeking support, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on small, achievable goals, you can begin to navigate these feelings and find a path forward. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and you don’t have to go through this alone. Your journey is still unfolding, and there is hope for a brighter future ahead.

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