Struggling with Resentment and Regret: A Mental Health Journey

It has started again—my thoughts are racing, and it's so painful!

Hello Dr.
Tang:
1.
I have started to feel hatred again towards people I used to despise, both in the past and present.
Whenever I encounter difficulties or see them (or think about them), I find myself quietly cursing them under my breath, even using this as a way to relieve my emotions.
Some of them are so detestable that I even have thoughts of wanting to harm them! I cannot forgive the terrible things they did to me in the past.
2.
On the other hand, I also feel remorse for the mistakes I made in elementary school (I have a criminal record).
Every time I think about it, I experience immense pain, and it feels like my mind is in a different state.
I become very scared, anxious, and cold, and my brain is unable to focus on my studies, as if something is blocking my thoughts! The screams of that person are still vividly present in my mind, and every thought brings me immense suffering! I worry that if this continues, I might develop schizophrenia or worsen my condition.
If I seek help from a psychologist, my attending physician would also learn about my past and could use it against me...

Xiao Jie, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/01/05

Dr. Tang Xinbei reply Psychiatry

Dear Xiao Jie,
It seems that your condition has changed recently.
Are there some distressing and sorrowful voices in your mind? You have some negative thoughts that are affecting your mood! Additionally, you have experienced some unpleasant events in the past that you regret, and you wish to keep them a secret, but it seems that not expressing them makes you feel even worse.
This appears to be quite contradictory! Based on your previous letters and comparing them to this one, I am concerned that your condition may have worsened.
Have you been following your medication regimen as prescribed? If you have been taking your medication regularly, I recommend discussing it with your attending physician as soon as possible to make any necessary adjustments to your medication.
If you have not been taking your medication regularly, I also suggest seeking assistance from your attending physician regarding your medication.
I remember telling you a long time ago: when we turn our backs to the sunlight, we can only see shadows.
You have been holding onto the negativity from others in the past, which only causes you pain.
I encourage you to adopt a different perspective on your relationships with others.
Wishing you peace, joy, and a prosperous New Year!

Reply Date: 2005/01/05

More Info

Dear [Name],
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so openly. It takes a lot of courage to confront such deep-seated emotions like resentment and regret. Your experiences reflect a complex interplay of past traumas and current emotional struggles, which can be overwhelming. Let’s break down your concerns and explore some ways to navigate through them.

Firstly, the feelings of hatred and resentment you harbor towards certain individuals can be incredibly consuming. It’s important to recognize that these emotions, while valid, can also be detrimental to your mental health. Holding onto anger often serves as a double-edged sword; it may provide a temporary release, but it can also perpetuate a cycle of negativity that affects your overall well-being. Research in psychology suggests that forgiveness, while difficult, can be a powerful tool for healing. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the actions of others; rather, it’s about freeing yourself from the burden of carrying that anger. It might be helpful to explore this concept further, perhaps through journaling or discussing it with a therapist.

Regarding your feelings of regret about past actions, it’s crucial to understand that everyone makes mistakes. The key is to learn from them and to grow. The pain you feel when recalling these memories indicates that you are reflecting on your past and recognizing the impact of your actions. This self-awareness is a vital step in personal growth. However, if these memories are causing you significant distress, it might be beneficial to engage in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT can help you reframe negative thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

You mentioned a fear of developing a more severe mental health condition, such as schizophrenia. While it’s understandable to be concerned about your mental health, it’s essential to approach these fears with a rational mindset. Schizophrenia is a complex disorder that typically involves a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. If you are experiencing symptoms such as hallucinations or severe disorganization in thought, it’s crucial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide a thorough assessment and guide you towards appropriate treatment options.

Your apprehension about discussing your past with a psychologist is common. Many individuals fear judgment or stigma when revealing their histories. However, mental health professionals are trained to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you to explore your feelings. Confidentiality is a cornerstone of therapeutic practice, and your therapist’s primary goal is to support you in your healing journey.

In addition to professional help, consider incorporating self-care practices into your daily routine. Activities such as mindfulness meditation, physical exercise, and engaging in hobbies can significantly improve your mood and reduce anxiety. Mindfulness, in particular, can help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the power of negative thoughts about the past.

Lastly, remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to take small steps and to seek help when needed. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who can provide encouragement and understanding. You are not alone in this struggle, and there are resources available to help you navigate through these challenging emotions.

Take care of yourself, and remember that reaching out for help is a sign of strength.

Best wishes,
Doctor Q&A Teams

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