Sexual Desire Issues: Seeking Help for Mental Health Concerns - Psychiatry

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Sexual desire issues


I have been frequently visiting adult websites over the past year, which has made me more aware of my erections in daily life.
Sometimes, I fear experiencing this in front of women.
I am 40 years old and have never had a girlfriend, and I worry about potentially harassing women.
I called a counselor who suggested I seek psychotherapy, but I don't understand why I need psychological treatment for physiological needs.
Should I consider masturbation instead? Please give me some advice!

Bo, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/01/03

Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry


Hello, 博: Sexual desire is innate, and using masturbation to address physiological needs is completely normal, especially since not everyone can find a sexual partner.
However, it seems that you have only started frequently visiting adult websites in the past year.
I'm curious about what might have prompted this change.
Understanding the reasons behind it could potentially help alleviate your anxiety.
Additionally, most people who visit adult websites typically do not apply the content of the videos to their daily lives.
I wonder if you find yourself in such a situation? If so, it may be beneficial to seek psychological counseling to explore the underlying reasons.
I recommend that if you continue to feel troubled, you consider seeking assistance from a mental health professional to help you overcome your current concerns.
Wishing you peace and joy.

Reply Date: 2021/01/03

More Info


Understanding sexual desire issues and the associated mental health concerns can be quite complex, especially when they lead to anxiety about social interactions and personal behavior. It's important to recognize that sexual desire is a natural part of human life, but when it becomes overwhelming or leads to distress, it may require attention and intervention.

Firstly, it’s essential to understand that experiencing sexual desire is normal, and many people encounter similar feelings throughout their lives. However, if you find that your sexual thoughts or urges are interfering with your daily life, causing anxiety, or leading to fears of inappropriate behavior, it may be beneficial to explore these feelings further, ideally with the help of a mental health professional.

Your concern about experiencing physiological responses, such as erections, in the presence of women is a common issue. Many men experience anxiety about their bodies and how they might be perceived by others, especially in social situations. This anxiety can sometimes exacerbate the very feelings you are trying to control. It’s crucial to remember that physiological responses are involuntary and do not necessarily reflect your intentions or desires.
Regarding your question about why psychological treatment might be recommended, it’s important to understand that mental health and physical health are interconnected. Psychological therapy can help you develop coping strategies for managing anxiety, understanding your sexual desires, and addressing any underlying issues that may contribute to your feelings of distress. Therapy can also provide a safe space to explore your fears about sexual harassment and help you develop a healthier relationship with your sexuality.

In terms of managing your sexual urges, masturbation can be a healthy outlet for sexual tension, provided it does not interfere with your daily life or become compulsive. It can serve as a way to understand your body and sexual responses better, which may help alleviate some of the anxiety you feel in social situations. However, if you find that your use of adult websites is leading to compulsive behaviors or negatively impacting your life, it may be worth discussing this with a therapist.

Additionally, engaging in activities that promote physical and mental well-being can be beneficial. Regular exercise, hobbies, and social interactions (even if they are initially uncomfortable) can help redirect your focus and reduce anxiety. Building healthy relationships, whether platonic or romantic, can also provide a supportive environment to explore your feelings about intimacy and sexuality.

If you are concerned about the potential for sexual harassment, it’s essential to educate yourself about consent and healthy relationships. Understanding boundaries and respectful interactions can help alleviate fears and promote more positive social experiences.

In conclusion, while sexual desire is a natural part of life, when it leads to anxiety or distress, seeking help is a proactive step. Therapy can provide valuable insights and coping mechanisms, while also addressing any underlying mental health concerns. Remember, you are not alone in these feelings, and support is available to help you navigate this complex aspect of life.

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