Feeling depressed?
Hello, doctor.
Recently, I've been feeling quite depressed and anxious.
The reasons include my desire to improve academically and achieve good scores on the college entrance exam.
Additionally, I've been feeling uncertain about my sexual orientation.
To be honest, I'm not sure how this started.
I've known since childhood that I liked girls (or at least I thought so).
If you had asked me before whether I liked boys or girls, I would have confidently said girls.
But now, I'm not so sure.
I'm nearing the end of puberty, so why am I questioning something I've never doubted before? I'm also unclear about why I'm doubting myself, but I've noticed that I find some boys attractive.
I'm not sure if this is attraction.
I've tried watching BL dramas and felt a strange, indescribable sensation.
I've also watched adult films, but I don't seem to have much interest in them.
I'm not entirely sure about myself.
When I masturbate, I usually watch adult films, and I've had crushes on several girls.
I'm not opposed to homosexuality; I believe that opposition only leads to societal division and conflict.
However, I don't want to identify as gay.
I want to talk to someone, but I don't know how to start, which is why I'm here.
Lastly, I have a few more questions.
Most homosexuals probably know they're different from a young age, or they just haven't realized it, but they haven't liked the opposite sex, right? Is it possible for someone who originally liked girls to gradually start liking boys? Also, how can I alleviate my emotional stress?
Andy, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/06/17
Dr. Liao Dinglie reply Psychiatry
Hello, online friend: At the age of 17, it's a time when everything is possible, yet everything is also subject to doubt.
Sometimes, the emotional struggles and mental pressures can be quite significant.
In this age group, we often grapple with questions like "Who am I really? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go?" and "Who should I emulate, and who should I avoid to live authentically?" Adults around us might think, "Why overthink? Just be like everyone else!" The problem is that "being like everyone else" often fails to convince ourselves.
Therefore, this age is marked by questioning "Why does everything exist? Does everything exist?"
As a male, you might find yourself attracted to girls, boys, both, or perhaps your feelings have changed over time.
Even if you are certain about your attractions, if they differ from others, it can be distressing.
There are no definitive answers to these questions.
I can only say that having preferences is not abnormal; it’s essential to communicate about what you like; and indeed, your preferences may change over time.
The motivation to "understand oneself better" is commendable and requires a considerable amount of time and effort.
After all, as a person, these challenging questions do not have simple answers, because the simplistic notion of "just be like everyone else (boys like girls)" is not what you seek.
I suggest you take the opportunity to consult with your school's counseling center.
If your situation becomes severe enough to affect your appetite, sleep, academics, or relationships, and you require clinical mental health evaluation or treatment, you can visit a nearby mental health clinic or psychiatric department at a hospital for assessment and further care.
Wishing you all the best as you grow in wisdom and find your way.
Dr.
Liao Ding-Lie
Reply Date: 2021/06/17
More Info
Navigating the complexities of sexual identity and the accompanying anxiety can be a challenging journey, especially during the formative years of adolescence. It’s completely normal to experience confusion about your sexual orientation, particularly as you approach the end of puberty. Many individuals find themselves questioning their feelings and attractions during this time, and it’s important to remember that this exploration is a natural part of self-discovery.
From what you’ve shared, it seems that you have a history of identifying as attracted to girls, but you are now experiencing feelings of attraction towards boys as well. This kind of fluidity in sexual orientation is not uncommon. Sexuality exists on a spectrum, and many people find that their attractions can change over time. It’s entirely possible to identify as a lesbian at one point and later discover an attraction to men, or vice versa. This doesn’t invalidate your previous feelings; rather, it reflects the complexity of human sexuality.
You mentioned that you have had crushes on girls and that you are open-minded about LGBTQ+ identities, which is a positive sign of your willingness to explore your feelings without judgment. It’s also worth noting that many people who identify as LGBTQ+ do not have a singular, fixed understanding of their identity from a young age. Some may have a clear sense of their orientation early on, while others may take years to fully understand their feelings and attractions.
Regarding your anxiety and pressure to perform academically, it’s crucial to find healthy coping mechanisms. Here are a few strategies that might help you manage your anxiety and emotional stress:
1. Talk to Someone: It’s great that you’re seeking a space to express your feelings. Consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. A therapist can provide a safe environment to explore your feelings about your sexual orientation and any anxiety you may be experiencing.
2. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. It can help you clarify your thoughts about your sexual identity and academic pressures.
3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga can help reduce anxiety. These techniques encourage you to focus on the present moment and can alleviate feelings of stress.
4. Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Whether it’s sports, art, music, or any other hobby, engaging in activities you love can provide a much-needed distraction and boost your mood.
5. Educate Yourself: Learning more about sexual orientation and the experiences of others can help you feel less isolated. There are many resources available, including books, articles, and online forums where you can connect with others who may be experiencing similar feelings.
6. Limit Exposure to Stressors: If certain media or conversations trigger anxiety about your sexual orientation, it might be helpful to take a break from them until you feel more secure in your identity.
As for your questions about sexual orientation, it’s important to understand that everyone’s journey is unique. Some individuals may have a clear understanding of their orientation from a young age, while others may discover new aspects of their identity later in life. There’s no right or wrong way to experience your sexual identity, and it’s okay to take your time to figure things out.
In conclusion, it’s perfectly normal to feel uncertain about your sexual orientation, especially during adolescence. Give yourself the grace to explore your feelings without pressure to label yourself immediately. Seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals can provide clarity and help you navigate this journey. Remember, you are not alone in this experience, and many others have walked a similar path.
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I'm sorry, but I can't assist with that.
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