Navigating Sexual Orientation and Social Anxiety: A Guide for Self-Discovery

Q: Navigating Sexual Orientation and Social Anxiety: A Guide for Self-Discovery

Hello, classmate： First, I want to clarify that sexual orientation is innate and cannot be changed by external factors; it will not change based on what you do or do not do, so you do not need to worry that your behavior will alter your original orientation. <br>Additionally, sin

Sexual orientation issues causing mild social anxiety?

Since childhood, I have always gotten along better with girls, having few friends of the opposite sex and no experience in dating.
I have liked looking at pictures of women with large breasts since I was young, but not frequently; more often, I would feel nervous and my heart would race when I accidentally saw sexual advertisements.
Recently, I have had a lot of free time and suddenly became aware of this issue, leading me to question my sexual orientation.
In the past, I never had any thoughts while interacting with my female friends.
(During this summer vacation, I haven't gone out socially, only hanging out and chatting with a same-sex friend, without any unusual feelings towards her.) For the past month, I have been feeling quite anxious and depressed.
I have researched some opinions online, where some say that women's bodies carry more sexual connotations in society, while others claim that women feeling aroused by female bodies is a normal phenomenon.
Realizing that I am not alone has somewhat alleviated my anxiety.

At the same time, I came across advice online suggesting that "imagining whether you could accept engaging in sexual activities with the same sex could help confirm your orientation." During the first couple of times I imagined this, I only thought of same-sex individuals as good friends and couldn't accept the idea.
However, after repeatedly imagining it (to confirm that my orientation is heterosexual, I kept questioning myself if I really couldn't accept it), I have become a bit uncertain.
I would like to ask how I can determine my sexual orientation.

*The main issue is that some people online suggest that "noticing which gender you tend to focus on while walking down the street might help confirm your orientation." Now, when I see pictures or videos of girls on social media, just finding them pretty or cute reignites my doubts and anxiety about my orientation.
I feel compelled to confirm whether I would feel a flutter or a heart reaction, which makes using social media very stressful (worried that I might suddenly develop feelings for a girl).
This also prevents me from viewing my same-sex friends or even same-sex strangers normally, and I am concerned that this will affect my social development once school starts.
I would like to ask the doctor how I can adjust to this situation.
I truly appreciate the time you took to read my question, and I hope you can provide me with professional advice regarding my orientation and social issues.
Thank you.

Niming, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/08/20

Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry

Hello, classmate: First, I want to clarify that sexual orientation is innate and cannot be changed by external factors; it will not change based on what you do or do not do, so you do not need to worry that your behavior will alter your original orientation.
Additionally, since you are in your teenage years, hormonal changes can lead to shifts in self-worth, preferences, and interests in peers.
Many people begin to understand what "sexual" feelings are during this stage; some may start to feel attracted to the opposite sex while also feeling attraction to the same sex.
This is an exploratory process and does not mean that being attracted to the same sex makes you homosexual, or being attracted to the opposite sex makes you heterosexual.
Typically, after this stage, individuals become more certain about their sexual orientation.
The general criterion for judgment is which gender you are attracted to and whether you desire to engage in sexual relations with them.
Based on your description, you mostly interact with females and have limited experience with males, which may restrict your ability to explore your sexual orientation.
I suggest that you try to expand your social circle and interact more with boys; this way, you can compare your feelings when interacting with both females and males, which will help you truly understand your orientation.
Until you have more experience interacting with males, you can consider your feelings towards females as a natural change of adolescence, and there is no need to rush to conclusions.
If you still have related doubts or feel that your emotions are significantly affected, I recommend that you seek help from a mental health professional and talk to a doctor.
Wishing you peace and health.

Reply Date: 2022/08/20

More Info

Navigating sexual orientation and social anxiety can be a complex and often overwhelming journey, especially during formative years when self-identity is still being developed. It’s important to understand that questioning your sexual orientation is a normal part of self-discovery, and many people experience similar feelings at various stages of their lives.

From your description, it seems you have primarily interacted with females and have not had much experience with males, which can limit your understanding of your own sexual orientation. It’s crucial to recognize that sexual orientation is not strictly binary; it exists on a spectrum. You may find yourself attracted to different genders at different times or in different contexts, and that’s perfectly okay.

Understanding Sexual Orientation
1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your feelings and attractions. Consider what aspects of relationships with different genders resonate with you. Do you feel a romantic or sexual attraction to women? How do you feel about men? This exploration can help clarify your feelings.

2. Social Interactions: Expanding your social circle to include more interactions with males may provide you with a better understanding of your feelings. Engaging in social activities, clubs, or groups can help you explore these dynamics in a low-pressure environment.

3. Media Consumption: While it’s natural to feel anxious about how you respond to images or videos of attractive individuals, try to approach this with curiosity rather than judgment. It’s okay to appreciate beauty in others without it defining your sexual orientation.
4. Imagining Scenarios: The practice of imagining yourself in different scenarios with various genders can be a useful tool. However, it’s essential to approach this without pressure. If you find yourself feeling anxious or distressed, take a step back and allow yourself to breathe.

Managing Social Anxiety
1. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can help reduce anxiety. These techniques can ground you in the present moment and alleviate the pressure you feel when interacting with others.

2. Limit Social Media Exposure: If social media is triggering anxiety, consider taking a break or limiting your exposure. Focus on real-life interactions where you can engage with people more authentically.

3. Seek Support: Talking to a trusted friend or a mental health professional can provide you with the support you need. They can help you process your feelings and provide guidance on navigating your social interactions.

4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to explore your emotions. It can help you articulate your concerns and track your progress over time.

Professional Guidance
If your anxiety continues to interfere with your daily life or relationships, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can offer tailored strategies to help you navigate your feelings and develop coping mechanisms for social anxiety.

Conclusion
Remember, it’s perfectly normal to question your sexual orientation and feel anxious about social interactions. This is a journey of self-discovery, and it’s essential to be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the space to explore your feelings without the pressure of needing to label yourself immediately. Embrace the process, and know that many people have walked this path before you. With time and exploration, clarity will come.

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