Sexual orientation issues
Hello Doctor,
I reached out to you through this system on August 20, and I appreciate your response.
I have been working on adjusting my mood; however, my anxiety continues to fluctuate.
When I am busy, I feel okay, but whenever I have a moment to relax, I often find myself thinking about my sexual orientation, which leads to feeling down.
Unfortunately, there are too many students applying for counseling at the school’s counseling center, so I am unable to get an appointment and have to ask you again through this system!
Since starting university, I have always been a more introverted person, and I have put a lot of effort into adapting to my new life.
As a result, I have not yet mustered the courage to participate in social activities to meet new men, as you suggested last time.
This semester, I have encountered several attractive women, and whenever I find them beautiful, I start to doubt my sexual orientation, which causes me anxiety.
I often find myself staring at their thighs or chests, unsure if it is to confirm my orientation or for some other reason.
Additionally, during the semester, I encountered a girl with a large chest and accidentally saw her upper body, which seemed to be exposed.
At that moment, my heart raced, my breathing stopped, and my mind went blank.
I am still uncertain whether this reaction was due to my anxiety about my sexual orientation or something else, and I have not been able to come to terms with it since then.
Recently, I have been fantasizing about what kind of gender I might fall in love with in the future, but due to my lack of experience interacting with men, I find it hard to imagine.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion in my mind that "since I can't imagine being with a man, but I can accept the idea of being with a woman," which has led to severe anxiety.
I cannot understand why I have such thoughts and whether I might actually be gay.
Today in class, I heard the teacher mention a character in a movie who is gay, and I felt as if they were talking about me (subconsciously categorizing myself within the LGBTQ+ community), even though I have never liked anyone, whether same-sex or opposite-sex.
Is this a result of my repetitive thoughts and anxiety, or is there another reason? I would like to ask you how I can adjust to this situation.
Thank you.
I apologize for the urgency of this message, as I am feeling quite anxious and sensitive, and I may not be expressing myself clearly.
Niming, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2022/12/14
Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry
Hello, classmate: It seems that you may be feeling anxious on one hand due to uncertainty about your sexual orientation, and on the other hand, because you are worried about being homosexual.
Regarding how to determine your sexual orientation, I previously mentioned that it’s important for you to interact with both same-sex and opposite-sex individuals to see which gender you are attracted to and whether you wish to engage in intimate relationships with them.
Some people are interested in both same-sex and opposite-sex individuals, which is referred to as bisexuality; if you are only interested in same-sex or opposite-sex individuals, then you are either homosexual or heterosexual.
Regardless of whether one is bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual, these orientations are innate and cannot be changed through external means.
Therefore, you really don’t need to worry; just interact with others naturally, and over time, you will come to understand your sexual orientation.
Of course, another source of your anxiety may stem from concerns about being homosexual—are you worried that your parents might not accept you? Or are you concerned about being viewed differently by others? Or is there another reason? In fact, society is becoming increasingly accepting of homosexuality, and laws now protect the rights of same-sex marriage.
Even if you truly do not want others to find out, if you don’t say anything, they won’t know.
However, if you continue to feel anxious, I recommend seeking help from a mental health professional to discuss your feelings with a doctor.
Wishing you peace and health.
Reply Date: 2022/12/14
More Info
Navigating anxiety and questions about sexual orientation can be a challenging journey, especially for students who are trying to find their place in a new environment like college. It’s important to recognize that feelings of anxiety, especially in relation to sexual orientation, are common and can be exacerbated by the pressures of social situations and self-exploration.
Firstly, it’s essential to understand that sexual orientation is a complex and personal aspect of identity. Many individuals experience confusion or anxiety about their sexual orientation during adolescence and early adulthood. This is a normal part of the process of self-discovery. The feelings you are experiencing—questioning your attraction to others, feeling anxious about how you perceive others, and worrying about how you fit into societal norms—are all part of this exploration.
Your anxiety seems to be heightened by a few factors: the pressure of adapting to a new environment, the internal conflict regarding your sexual orientation, and the fear of judgment from peers. It’s not uncommon for individuals to fixate on their feelings and thoughts, especially when they are uncertain about their identity. This can lead to a cycle of anxiety where the more you think about your feelings, the more anxious you become.
Here are some strategies that may help you navigate this challenging time:
1. Self-Acceptance: It’s crucial to accept that it’s okay to be uncertain about your sexual orientation. Many people take years to fully understand their feelings and attractions. Allow yourself the space to explore these feelings without the pressure of labeling yourself immediately.
2. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: When you find yourself spiraling into anxious thoughts, try grounding techniques. This can include deep breathing exercises, focusing on your surroundings, or engaging in activities that require your full attention. Mindfulness practices can help you stay present and reduce anxiety.
3. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. It allows you to express your worries and reflect on your experiences without judgment. You might find patterns in your thoughts that can help you understand your feelings better.
4. Seek Support: While you mentioned that the counseling services at your school are overwhelmed, consider reaching out to trusted friends or family members. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can provide relief. If you feel comfortable, you might also explore online support groups or forums where you can connect with others who are experiencing similar feelings.
5. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If certain discussions or media (like movies or shows) trigger your anxiety about your sexual orientation, it might be helpful to take a break from them. Focus on content that makes you feel good and helps you relax.
6. Engage in Social Activities: While it may feel daunting, gradually participating in social activities can help you build confidence. Start small—perhaps by joining a club or attending events that interest you. This can help you meet new people and reduce feelings of isolation.
7. Educate Yourself: Sometimes, understanding more about sexual orientation and the spectrum of human sexuality can help alleviate anxiety. Reading books or articles, or listening to podcasts on these topics can provide insight and reassurance.
8. Professional Help: If your anxiety continues to interfere with your daily life, consider seeking professional help when possible. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies tailored to your needs.
Remember, it’s perfectly normal to have questions and uncertainties about your sexual orientation, especially during a time of significant change in your life. Be patient with yourself as you navigate these feelings, and know that you are not alone in this journey.
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