Am I experiencing anxiety, Munchausen syndrome, or another condition? Or am I just normal?
I have a very stubborn and extreme personality, and I struggle with reading social cues; I tend to speak very directly.
I was severely reprimanded by a teacher for two years, and later, following her advice, I was tested for Asperger's syndrome, which showed a relatively high score.
I remember feeling angry and then scared when I was being reprimanded in her class.
I have always held her in respect since then.
Two years ago, I began to reflect on those two years and felt a lot of pain about it.
I asked my mom if I was bullied, and she said yes.
However, this did not alleviate my emotional turmoil.
A year ago, I started to take an interest in various medical and psychological terms, particularly mental health disorders, such as depression, bipolar disorder, autism, delusions, dissociative identity disorder, personality disorders, neurosis, schizophrenia, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
I was particularly drawn to depression and recognized that I often feel unhappy, so I hoped that if I had a condition, it would be smiling depression.
Recently, I have felt that my persistent unhappiness resembles anxiety more than depression.
A week or two ago, I began self-harming.
After online classes, I have been dreaming every night and waking up in the middle of the night.
In the past few days, I have started to feel panic over trivial matters, to the point where I forget what caused the panic.
I try to take deep breaths, but it turns into hyperventilation, and ultimately, I feel better after cutting my hand with a knife.
I suspect I have an anxiety disorder, but in the past, online assessments have indicated that I have some form of mental illness.
Yesterday, I came across a term—Munchausen syndrome—and I suspect I exhibit some traits of it, but not entirely.
I still feel that I lean more towards anxiety disorder.
Right now, I don’t know what is wrong with me, nor do I know what to do.
Perhaps I am not ill, but it is true that my mood is often very poor.
He She Li, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/07/02
Dr. Wu Enliang reply Psychiatry
Hello: It's not Munchausen syndrome, but there are indeed issues with anxiety and depression.
It seems to have significantly affected your life.
Just as you would see a doctor for a physical fever, it's important to address emotional distress as well! I recommend discussing this with your parents and asking them to take you to a child and adolescent psychiatrist for evaluation and treatment.
Reply Date: 2021/07/02
More Info
It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the complexity of your feelings and experiences. Based on what you've shared, it seems that you are grappling with a mix of anxiety, self-harm behaviors, and perhaps some underlying psychological distress that may stem from past experiences, particularly related to your interactions with your teacher and feelings of being bullied.
Firstly, let's address the possibility of anxiety. Anxiety disorders can manifest in various ways, including excessive worrying, panic attacks, and physical symptoms such as shortness of breath or racing heart. Your description of feeling overwhelmed by small things, experiencing panic-like symptoms, and having difficulty breathing suggests that you may indeed be experiencing anxiety. It's important to recognize that anxiety can be a normal response to stress, but when it becomes overwhelming and interferes with daily life, it may require professional intervention.
Regarding the mention of Munchausen syndrome, this condition involves individuals who feign illness or deliberately produce symptoms to gain attention or sympathy. From your description, it does not appear that you are intentionally trying to create or exaggerate symptoms for attention. Instead, it seems you are genuinely struggling with your mental health and are seeking to understand your feelings and behaviors. This is a crucial distinction, as Munchausen syndrome is characterized by a conscious effort to deceive, whereas your concerns seem to stem from a place of distress and confusion about your mental state.
Your interest in various psychological conditions, including depression and anxiety, is not uncommon, especially for individuals who are experiencing their own mental health challenges. It can be a way of trying to make sense of what you are feeling. However, it's essential to approach this exploration with caution, as self-diagnosis can sometimes lead to increased anxiety and fear.
The self-harm behaviors you mentioned are particularly concerning. Engaging in self-harm can be a way to cope with overwhelming emotions, but it is not a healthy or effective long-term solution. It’s crucial to seek help from a mental health professional who can provide support and guidance tailored to your needs. They can help you explore the underlying issues contributing to your anxiety and self-harm and work with you to develop healthier coping strategies.
Additionally, the feelings of being bullied and the impact of your past experiences can significantly affect your mental health. It may be beneficial to explore these feelings in therapy, where you can process your emotions and develop strategies to cope with the lingering effects of those experiences.
In summary, while you may not fit neatly into a specific diagnosis, it is clear that you are experiencing significant distress. It is essential to reach out for professional help, whether through therapy or counseling, to address your anxiety, self-harm behaviors, and any underlying issues related to your past experiences. You deserve support and guidance to help you navigate this difficult time and work towards a healthier state of mind. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and you do not have to go through this alone.
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